hello? %% "I didn't even realize it was a pun until you hit me in the nose with taco sauce." -- Jared Wadsworth %% Petting is for the benefit of the cat, not your hand. %% If God had wanted you to have root on this box he would have miracled your ass into /etc/passwd, Private Pyle!! Get off my system! Get the hell off my system!! %% one pill makes you taller, and one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all %% Arun is coming. %% Only two things have ever been said about chocolate coated manhole covers. %% Ziggy played guitar. %% I am not a Goth. I am an anti-clown. We are more...*intense*. %% I call the big one 'Bitey'. %% These are not the rumors you are looking for. %% I find your lack of warez...disturbing, Admiral. %% #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9... %% You are a part of the Montana development team and a traitor. Take her away! %% You people are the scum of society! %% HOVERCRAFT!!! %% I'm a dancer. Ohhh...Ballet? No. Exotic. %% The problem with fortune files is that half the time, you get a really cool fortune. The other half of the time, you get something lame, like an editorial about the relative coolness of certain fortunes. %% "Why did you come to Casablanca, Rick?" "I came to Casablanca for the waters." "But Casablanca is in the middle of the desert!" "I was misinformed." -Rick and Louis, in (surprise) Casablanca %% It's a crazy world, son. We're just gonna have to keep our heads on till this 'peace' thing blows over. %% Your mama. %% I'm planning to gnaw them to death tomorrow. %% He's a complicated man. %% Life is pain. Anyone who tells you different is selling something. %% Splat. %% Don't try to close your hands, they're smaller than the rain. %% Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. %% I always try to make everyone's day a bit more surreal. %% I'm sorry. I thought you might come up with an idea as a panda. %% Odin rules Midgard. %% Questions are a burden for others; answers are a prison for oneself. %% We are not surounded. We are in a target-rich environment. %% If I wanted your opinion, I'd read your entrails. %% Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory in bed! %% You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. %% I can't make it go away, but I can make it better. %% Laugh while you can, monkey-boy! %% The appearance of mice of old prognosticated the appearance of the praeter-natural rat-catcher and psychopomp. %% A man is a small thing, and the night is very large, and full of wonders. %% We're all magic friends. %% Follow the man with the glowing gray eyes and he will lead you home. %% And so I was left with this freezer full of dead rats. %% Upon our arrival in Cleveland, we proceeded to canvas the affected neighborhood for missing shrouds. %% Someday, God willing, I'll make it to aluminum. %% Yellow lights do concern me, Admiral! I want that parking space! %% You are in command now, Admiral Piett... %% Only one man could be both a cheap Han Solo take off AND President of the United States. %% Fortunatley, he managed to stop his car on a dime. Unfortunaley, the dime was in Mr. Roccoco's pocket. %% Im going to take this 1.4 million nuyen and just... BLOW IT ALL ON CRACK! %% Did I mention I'm immense and immortal? %% I was born 400 years ago in the highlands of Scotland. I am immortal. Take off your bra. %% 1 w4nt s3x 1s th1s th3 pl4ce 2 4sk 4 1t????!!!!!!!1 %% Cry me a river. Buy more RAM. %% Welcome to the Computer Student Office of Love. %% Go to lunch. %% Behold, as an ass to the desert, go I forth to my work. %% Mmmmm... Shai-Hulud! %% I tried to compile SATAN. It was hell. %% "...the most dramatic thing you can do to your system is to upgrade your graphics card, because computing is a visual experience... The thrill of booting WinDoze in high resolution, true color graphics mode for the first time is unmatched." --Jon Hill, Computer Shopper, Feb 1995 %% 251? That last one's a lot longer than 251 characters. %% "I have measured out my life in coffee spoons" ---T.S. Eliot %% Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. %% %% /etc/passwd: Permission denied. %% First there was the 50 minute walk to the car. Then there was the 30 minute walk to a friends car. Then there was the 30 minutes spent jumping the car. Then there was the 2 hours spent in Chicago trying to find food. Then there was the brief foray into Indiana. %% Thank you sir. I'm technology driven. %% "Sure, there are lots of fish in the boneyard. Beer fish, tire fish, couch fish..." ---David Frothingham %% Now I'm lonely and I have a dancing rat. %% Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. %% Home is where you hang your hat! %% I like chickens, baked or fried! %% Use a thawed chicken. %% 2 Words: Plausible Deniablility %% Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. %% I am the enemy of words everywhere %% Carpe Per Diem: Sieze the Pay %% We don't have to show you any stinkin' badges! %% "Ford," Arthur said, "you're turning into a pengiun. Stop it." %% This is my computer. There are many like it, but this one is mine. %% No pancakes for you Johnny...only DEATH! %% I don't know, they were jammies, they had Yoda's and shit on 'em. %% a real store: Guns, Ammo, and Women's Athletic Shorts %% May your xterm chip and shatter! %% No smoking in the skull cave. %% unmatched thrills (xref windoze) tend to clash with brightly colored clothes %% what do you want microsoft to do to you today %% CAUTION: No Riders %% 'Why don't you like LA?' 'Because it's gross, it's smoggy, and the people there have no soul.' %% I have a lizard. %% I like shakespear because he was the bar daemon %% Hello. Welcome to MIT. %% He was lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut... %% go to sleep and dream of love, because it's as close as you will get to love poor twisted child %% Iguana, Iguana, Powersurgius! %% Linux needs a dc so that everyone can: echo "[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq" |dc %% Mine goes to 11. %% Home is where you pet your cat! %% Patriotism is the virtue of the viscious. ---Oscar Wilde ---(Sean Connery in "The Rock") %% Seeeeexxxcellent. All is going according to PRAWN! %% I'm hip to time, but I've gotta go. %% Zach Ruins Anything: $.25 %% Down that road lies madness. But then again, the road to Hell is paved with melting snowballs. ---God Larry Wall %% Gimme some sugar, baby. %% First you want to kill me, then you wanna kiss me. Blow! %% I don't understand any of this. %% I'm on my way to New York to try and break into children's television. %% Someday, the rumors file will be almost as big as the SCO kernel. %% "Nice kid, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." --Fogorn Leghorn %% Put the text editor down, and back away from the computer! %% Ah, a bear in his natural habitat. A Studebaker. %% Take deep breaths, calm down, acknowledge, and move on. %% Violas are the last refuge of the incontinent. %% As large as life and twice as natural. %% 251-5049 %% I may be gross and smoggy, but at least I've got soul... %% Sam sat on the ground and put his head in his hands. 'I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more magic,' he said, and fell silent. %% The Road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began. %% "It's important to like what you do. That's why I manually masturbate lab animals for science." %% No matter where you go, there you are. %% why is there a watermelon here?..I'll tell you later. %% As they say in France, c'est la'vie. Or as they say in the South, Zesty Elvis. %% 640K is more than anyone will ever need. --Bill the Gates %% If the average rumor file is a twinkie then someday this rumor file will be a twinkie 5 miles long and filled with much sillier stuff than twinkie filling. %% And he gave her one last kiss and died. And he gave her his Vincent to ride. %% A man pushes a lawnmower 200 miles On his knees to the tomb of the unknown gardener. Great One, he cries, I have done my penance, I bring my offering, grant me, grant me pest-free roses... %% A man gets on a train and proceeds to take All his clothes off - He begins to play with himself - And he says, In my country This is definately _not_ offenive... %% Humans are not pigs -- they'll eat anything. %% And I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome. Swooping down from heaven to carry me home. %% "Larry, is-my, gyro, stuff"??? as in cucumber sauce, hot sauce, sour cream, or Larry? %% FARGIN' ICEHOLES! %% I tried to use SATIN. It was hell. %% Bus Error: Passengers dumped. %% Crystal Gayle killed Frank Herbert %% damnit I hate regexps that break emacs perl-mode formatting...we should rewrite perl-mode /<\s*(\w+)\s+(NAME=("?)(\w+)\3)?\s*>/ %% If I had only one leg to stand on, that's exactly what I'd do. --The Rembrandts %% I don't know, but I've been told, big-legged woman ain't got no soul. %% "Hey, the reason I like Macs is that I don't have to use my brain." %% "Shocked, shocked I am to discover that gambling is going on in this establishment!" "Your winnings, sir." (Casablanca) %% Darkness falls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. --Vincient Price, "Thriller" %% "Are you looking for shells?" "No, I'm just looking." ---Ursula Andress and Sean Connery, "Dr. No" %% "What nationality are you?" "I'm a drunkard." -Major Strasse, Rick Blaine, "Casablanca" %% I guess I've always thought of Larry as more of a sweet onion, but maybe he is more of a tangy cucumber sauce... hmmm... %% Groovy. %% You will soon be visited by a large Asian cook with martial arts experience. %% Actual quote: "Linux was made by foreign terrorists to steal money from true AMERICAN companies like Microsoft who invented computing as we know it, and are being punished for their success..." Linux -- "It's computing, Jim, but not as we know it" %% Just goes to show you, never sheath your Crystal before you've drawn blood... %% In the future, all Internet services are CCSO. %% The cell theory says: a) All living things are made of cork. b) Cells carry on life functions. c) Cells are empty boxes. %% This is glue. Strong stuff. %% We're on a mission from God. %% Segmentation fault %% America Online: The Easy Way to Expand Your Mind %% BTW, when will there be another WebCom meeting? What's up w/ the PERL class? Is it true that the Comp students are planning a coup d'etat? %% You long to see the great pyramids in Egypt. %% Yueh, Yueh, a thousand deaths are not enough for Yueh! %% Poop. %% My powers are beyond your understanding. %% They took the green pen marks! %% I was just smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo. %% "Otto doesn't speak German." %% Don't fear the reaper. %% I'm porting myself to Linux. %% Expressly for not promoting tooth decay. %% Poop. %% My eyes are bleeding! %% Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what is right. %% Watch out for the new AntiAlias hole in Sendmail %% Daylight come and me wanna go home. %% Wheee! Free sex! %% ERROR: Your hard drive is flooded and your processor is on fire. Please use the water from your hardrive to extinguish your processor. %% The concert was well recieved even though the band started melting after intermission. %% Come play with us... come play with us forever! %% Arrakis... Dune... Desert Planet... %% "It's not nice to be mean to people." -zcm %% My name is a killing word. %% "There's so much emotional larceny in this room, and so much life in you." %% "Are you feeling Boolean?" "Maybe." %% C:\WINDOWS> echo y^M^M | format c: /u > NUL: %% You entry has been accepted. You must be cool or something. %% There is a dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install. %% I live for grep. %% Fifty and fifty and twenty and twenty when they came out. %% I have evaded you with the aid of these pasty white mints. So, fuck you! And furthermore, fuck you with Mentos! %% my x display is gorss and smoggy and it's got no console. %% Welcome to the Age of Guttenberg. These are heady new days of chaotic beginnings. %% "Oh yeah, that Monty Python guy..." %% # If you don't understand the next line, don't change it. %% "And this is where they take classes about...that dead guy." "Shakespeare?" "Yeah, him." --Actual JHS Student %% "So, how long is a meterstick, anyways?" %% The vague sense of disquiet I felt on entering the dimly lit kitchen was reinforced when I noticed the jar of jam lying open on the counter. Strawberry. %% I like Dickens, caked or pied! %% Let there be light. %% And God said: "Let there be warez." And he looked, and He saw that there were warez, and they were 3l1t3. %% I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX MULDER again!! %% Right now Fox Mulder is getting beat up. %% It's crypted! Yay! %% It's the right thing to do, and the tasty way to do it. %% Have you ever walked into Radio Shack and asked for a phoneless cord? %% In the future, all sysops are Karl Denninger. %% So, we could either get a Sun Ultra 2 2200, or RCS. %% Curiously, "eat flaming death" isn't really a defence in debt court. %% Is it NP completeness or YP completeness? %% "You know why birds don't write memoirs? Because birds don't lead epic lives." -- Calvin %% in these heady new days of chaotic beginnings ---David Boldt %% No, we're just flunkies. %% my mom won't buy gum for me. %% You're unbelievable. %% You talkin' to me? %% You will soon be visited by a large Asian crook with marital arts experience. %% Our wastebasket is inherently unsecure. %% OPEC: Oil Cartel, or Dental Adhesive? %% I picked a hell of a day to stop /drinking|smoking|sniffing glue/. %% It's a mattress thing, you wouldn't understand. %% "Your computer runs without an operating system. That's impressive!" ---g0ff %% It's Arun. It's Lame. And I'll Stop. %% I'm haiku bandit. I leave pipe bombs that explode and scatter haikus. %% Magic: The Password File %% Does that silly Babbel really mean "rm -rf * .*" ? %% April Fool's Day [observed] %% Okay. You're a cop, and you've got two suspects, and they're armed, and they're guilty, and you get to kill them both. You have enough bullets, and you have motivation. The two suspects are Kenny G. and Kathie Lee Gifford. Who do you kill first, and who gives you more pleasure? %% When I have a SCSI controller I can rule the world! %% "The reason I think it's evil, and I'm right, is because it's from Microsoft." -mrw %% "We got both sexes--Country AND Western." --Greg %% The NWIS customers, management, and staff, through team work, open communication, commitment, ownership, and accountability will provide a user-oriented, user-supported hydrologic data system. %% Ahhh yes but that only makes your problem recursively enumerable...it is not possible to know when a recursively enumerable problem will complete...what is your assurance that that this task will halt before the heat death of the universe (or for extra credit: sooner) %% While you struggle with that computer, I'm naked, clueless, and feeling GOOD! %% Ooh, I'm sorry. Triple-cliking the Icon of Death isn't in this version of the API. %% Fred is also known to run about 2-3 levels of screen because 9 screens isn't enough (or 10 or whatever) heh Fred's insane. Fred's a silkly cat. %% I'll just have a Greek salad. %% The rumors file is not bigger than the Zippy file. We have not succeeded. Add a rumor now, and share one with a friend. %% "Ford," he said, "how many escape capsules are there?" "None," said Ford. Zaphod gibbered. "Did you COUNT them?" he yelled. "Twice," said Ford. %% There once was a man from Urbana Who slipped on a peel of banana He felt safe and sound As he fell to the ground So he hijacked a plane to Havana (shut up. you try to rhyme something with 'Urbana'.) %% I got a black cat bone. %% "I had a dream last night that I killed, skinned, gutted, and ate... my cat." -- D. Frothingham %% But on the fourth day, I was visited by an Incan monkey God... %% Every instruction was followed by an address, where the next instruction in the program was on the read head. In other words, every instruction was followed by a "Go To". Put that in Pascal's pipe and smoke it. %% Area bassist Paul Simms recently enjoyed oral sex. He attributed the fortuitous encounter to his status as a 'rock' musician, which crates a tremendous sexual energy that makes him irresistable to 'chicks'. %% "The three wise men brought frank incest and mirth." --Tom Robbins %% goddammit: Command not found. %% ar: creating god %% I stared blearily at the glass on the table, hoping that the eyeball floating restfully up and down in the sparkling grape juice wasn't one I recognized. %% It was a dark and stormy night. %% It wasn't a dark and stormy night. %% Aaaaagh! Thump. %% Pulling legs off of spiders and flies off of wings... these are a few of my favorite things. %% One more minute! %% "This must be Thursday," Arthur said. "I never could get the hang of Thursdays. %% This is not a rumor. %% Technically, this is cheating. But we might hit 251. %% Badges? We don't got no badges. We don't have to show you any stinkin' badges! %% Broadcast Message from mrw@leibniz (/dev/ttyp6) at 14:51 ... /home/mrw mrw@leibniz 2:51pm 17> rumor -c 251 %% "Many men have tried." "They tried and failed?" "They tried and died." %% "When I look at that package of TUMS, all I see is SMUT." --Cathy Nguyen %% "Is it scheduled to rain today?" --Cathy Nguyen %% A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. ---Douglas Adams %% "Matt, Sir Issac Newton is the smartest man who ever lived." "Dad, he wrote a physics anthology and invented a branch of mathematics to prove one of his theories." %% SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLE! %% We have a piper down. I repeat, we have a piper down. %% It's like Sputnik--- spherical, but quite pointy in parts. %% Why don't you try on one of yer mother's bras while you're at it, ya wee girl. %% It came to me in a vision. %% The entire world is run by a secret council of the five richest people in the world known as... The pentavarit. They meet bi-annually at a secret mansion in Colorado known only as "The Meadows". ---Mike Meyers, SIMAAM %% Hey, Zach. We're coming over to your house. %% "Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?" "Because he puts a special chemical in his chicken that makes ya cravin' for it fortnightly, smartass." ---Mike Meyers, SIMAAM %% "Oh, I hate the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes." "Oh, you're goin' to buy my chicken, oh yes." ---Mike Meyers, SIMAAM %% "You think this decadent little country is the new cradle of civilization?" "Hey, that's the U. S. of A. you're talkin' about, pal!" ---The Shadow %% "Wanna doughnut?" "It's a jelly!" ---Strange Brew %% /deb/null %% "Is that a compiler error? A runtime error? Or a hang the system by overwriting the interrupt vector table error?" ---g0ff %% It would be much cooler if they fought wars with Haiku. --Matt %% "It's, it's, it's... it's, you know." --mrw %% Just for the thrill of it, Diet Pope. %% Tell me of your homeworld, Usul. %% For the father, nothing! %% "What's in the box?" "Pain." %% In the future, all germs are lemon-scented. %% It's blood burple! %% "You're never going to get married, are you?" %% "It's been swell... but the swelling's gone down..." -- Tank Girl %% "What the hell is that?!?" "Uh... I think it's Cole Porter, sir." %% You too can be reaplaced by an infinite number of monkeys. %% In the future, all numbers of monkeys will be infinite. %% I am not a rumor. I am a free man! %% Sorry, I'm running a bit slow today. -jdw %% Ken Lanfear is inherently unsecure. %% Whoa, I went from Voltron to anal sex.....What a transition. %% Feeling... inadequate? %% Matt's bannon is a killing bird. %% Never let the scent of coral get in the way of might making right. %% For the mother, free sex! %% I'll just have a Geek salad. %% Now I'm homely and I have a prancing Matt. %% No poking at the dull rave. %% Feeling...lonely? %% Don't try to hose the bands, they're in a lot of pain. %% "That is not the point, quite. The point is that I am now a perfectly safe penin. And my companion is rapidly running out of limbs." %% Hey, is that a piece of fairy cake? %% A nymph hits you and steals your virginity. %% Goff, Goff, a thousand cats are not enough for Goff! %% We're on a mission from Nod. %% It's a Matt thing, you wouldn't understand. %% I live for egrep. %% I live for fgrep. %% I live for agrep. %% That is not the point, quite. The point is that I am not a perfectly safe pine. %% Maybe when you have sex it involves a bunch of marbles and four hippos, but when I have sex, it certainly doesn't. -eva %% We're on a mission from GDI. %% "I ate a rhyming dictionary Which made me very literary. I rhyme from break of day to sunset because of all the rhymes I once e't." %% You know, Micron is the most dangerous company... because Micron ate Zeos. %% Oh, did I mention? I have Arun in my wallet... -Jared %% Meanwhile, back in the old theatre, the Locust-men were planning their attack. %% "There can be only... uh... er... Dammit. Line!" %% Let's do something REALLY naughty today with Matt gone! %% These aren't the release notes you're looking for. %% Twice as good, cause we cook on wood. %% Rumors: the Fabric of our Lives %% Aaaaghh... the mere thought of Kathie Lee Gifford giving me pleasure is rather sickening... Regis, tho... %% We're on a mission from mknod. %% "It's been a good morning. I bitched out a user, shut down a porn site, and averted a crisis." -- Joe Gross %% "Hey Zorak, you evil locust." "Mantis." %% We have both kinds of chickens here -- baked AND fried! %% "Higglety-pigglety" -- Sir Roger Penrose, describing the orientation of light cones in a relativistic frame of reference %% Zachie slayed a car. %% No packets for you Johnny...only DEATH! %% It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. %% I live for [a-z]*grep. %% I live for cheesegrep. %% Sax and Violins %% Girlfriend, PlayStation, what more could a guy want? %% People are still having sex. %% These are not the droids you are not looking for. %% Harry Truman changed his weird middle name to "S" I think he should have changed it to "S." that would have been cooler and more confusing. %% In the future, all rumors are about the future. %% You honor, that question should be taken out and shot. %% We should install the dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install %% Have you? %% I am not Goff. I am a cat. I...meow more. %% I have one arun in my pocket and the other one is....(?) %% Yeah, Yeah, a thousand deaths are not enough for...that living guy. Yueh? Yeah, him. %% That black magic woman is trying to make a devil out of me. %% This is not the royal gold hidden in firewood you are looking for. %% It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarattes, it's dark, and we're wearing sun glasses. Hit It! %% addrumor early, and addrumor often. %% "What's in the box?" "Pain, but if you dig deep enough you might find a prize." "Thats right, its Gom Jabar cereal!" %% If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not top it off with lunch at Milliway's, The Restaurant at The End of The Universe? %% "My name" is 2 words. %% %% You are in an xmaze of twisty little passages, all alike. %% You have stepped into a very dark place. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. %% You have stepped into a very light place. You are likely to be eaten by a human. %% Let's play Emily Dickinson Mad Libs! %% You've got to love a mailer that includes a program called "whatnow". %% All the cool people are doing it. %% That code, by Oscar and Zach and Matt...hi, Matt! Speak of the devil! ...the code sucks. %% It's 251 miles to Chicago. We've got a full gig of warez, half a drive of text files, it's dark, and we're using UNIX. Hit it. %% Situation fault %% In the future, all droids are the ones you're looking for. %% These are not the druids you're looking for. -gdf %% "What do you know about president Truman?" "Um... oh, yeah... he's the one with the hairy ass!" %% > what is a human? %% You know, they call me Mister Poop-a-lot. I've got really long turds!! %% You know, they call me Mister Poop-a-lot. I've got really long turds!! -Pete Zurich %% Cool beans. %% K-rad. %% Elite. %% *You* should install the dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install! %% The leprechaun hits! Your purse feels lighter. %% The beautiful water nymph starts seducing you and you take off your armor. You gladly hand over your helmet. %% GTR: How does a beautiful water nymph smile at a pet? JDW: I don't know. How? %% The water nymph smiles seductively at Anna. Anna bites the water nymph. %% I was just smoking kangaroos and watching Captain Cigarette. %% 42? I always knew there was something fundamentally wrong with NWIS. %% 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510528 %% The yellow light explodes! You are blinded by a flash of light! %% Humans are not pings -- they have little to do with UDP. %% You entry has not been accepted. You must suck or something. %% Imagine an ordering (or "shopping cart") system on the Web. %% In the end, there can be only FUN! %% And nothing seems to stop them. %% Watch out for the new Atlantis hole in Sendmail. %% They don't look with Presbyterians to me. %% All lands are inherently unsecure. %% Less dead Haywards are always good. -jdw %% First you want to kill me, then you want my droids. In the future I won't be the Ash you are looking for. %% I've got one cat in my pocket, and the other one's saying "MEoW." %% Shave early, shave often. %% At least I fixed the mosque so I only paste once. %% Saxon violence. %% Sex on Vivaldi. %% Polite computers say HELO. %% Got to be good-looking, 'cause he's so hard to see. %% In the future, oscar is always logged on. %% Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. Ed is generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity. %% "Can you really fly that thing?" "Can you really do all that bullshit you just said?" --Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith, ID4 %% 12. Peanut Butter & Jelly: peanut butter, jelly (your choice) %% My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. %% Near. Far. Near. Far. Near. Far. Near. Far %% Anyone wanna join my cult? Free Kool-Ade... %% And then there were none. %% All I've got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth. ---Bob Dylan, "All Along the Watchtower" %% Zach turns anything into a module: $.25 %% You have wandered into a dark place. You will probably be eaten by a grep. --Greg Fast %% Watch out for the new AntiArun hole in swr %% abandon all headiness ye who enter here %% They aren't cops. Cops carry badges. %% But I installed the *last* dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install! %% Mk? Is that Mortal Kombat Linux? Ah. poes: yeah, Linux Torvalds special moves rule %% I want to get a Cat-On-The-Back award! %% The leprechaun splits! Your perl feels lighter. %% The banana splits! Tra-la-la La-la-la-la Tra-la-la La-la-la-la-la %% No. %% We're on a mission from FoD. %% My penguins are beyond your understanding. %% "Hey, it's a Clockwork Melissa!" -gtr %% Evening is the color of the soul. %% Forsooth, and thou art veerily pissed. %% 21 inches of Win 95... every girl's dream! %% Two words: "convenience" and "expedience" %% Genteel computers play POLO. %% 3. 141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944 592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647 093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559 644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165 271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273 724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360 011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953 092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885752724 891227938183011949129833673362440656643086021394946395224737 190702179860943702770539217176293176752384674818467669405132 000568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901 224953430146549585371050792279689258923542019956112129021960 864034418159813629774771309960518707211349999998372978049951 059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522308253344685035 261931188171010003137838752886587533208381420617177669147303 598253490428755468731159562863882353787593751957781857780532 171226806613001927876611195909216420198938095257201065485863 %% They don't flock(2) with fresh bytes and rigatoni. %% This rumor is about Sivitri. %% This rumor is not about Sivitri. %% Area fascist used SIMMs recently to aid in oral sex. He contributed to frivolous encounters by using ladders as a 'cock' musician, which creates a tremendous rectangular energy that makes him irresistable to 'chickens'. %% In the future, all games are Die Siedler. %% In the future, all cats are Sivitri. %% [deletia] %% Yes. %% alias precmd rumor %% Well, we have now officially passed the FoD rumors - 431 to 427. %% In the future, all features are undocumented. %% "I don't believe it's thursday" "You failed your saving throw... thursday's still here" %% In the future, all directories are symlinks. %% so whats it about? %% In the future, Fox Mulder is _still_ getting beat up. %% I have evaded you with aid of these pasty pink...Floyds. %% Zombie slapped a pore. %% God took 6 days to create the world, but the first one was an allnighter. %% I don't know, but I've been told, big-legged woman is gross and smoggy. %% Rumor: The Gathering %% There are two kinds of men in this world. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig. %% "That's a seven-pointed suppository, captain." "What did you say?" "I said stick it in your ass." %% Steve tickled the following brief items. %% badrumor: Command not found. %% "I knew this guy named Joe Kissmyass." "Wow. That must have been rough." "Yeah, he changed it, though." "To what?" "Mike. He got tired of people saying 'Hey, Joe, whaddya know?'" %% % inc inc: no mail to incorporate. You must be a loser. %% Put THAT feather in your cap and call it macaroni! %% 31337. %% Don't forget to add a fee when appropriate! %% My name is sockbert; I am actually a winsock. My local host, Mikebert.com, (wearing the tie) is just temporary until I can find a better one. %% Normal is what cuts off your sixth finger and your tail. %% Yeah, I want a 14 inch pizza... Wait, how big is that? %% # You're not meant to understand this: %% Your fault: Core dumped. %% You will soon be visited by a large Asian cock with marital arts experience. %% We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect %% I want to push the button to delete Oscar's account!!!!! -mrw %% This computer may have been stupid the last time it was used. %% Anyone wanna play Zachromunda? %% Broadcast message from god@earth.spacetime.org on console at 16:59 ... Planet Earth rebooting in one minute. Please save your work and log off. EOF earth > echo "Wait\!" | write god write: god is not logged in %% Help, I'm trapped inside a rumors file! %% OCR is cool. %% Do the Oscardance. %% Does that silly Babbel really mean that we're all going to die? %% Now a carp is an interesting animal. He's a gem of ichthyology. And if you study evolution, old pal, you might find him in your family tree. %% Voluptuous Nematods! %% the animals may develop ... lameness ... similar to [that] seen in man. %% Grover's a puppet, a leftist muppet, radical, subversive, freak. Grover's a puppet, of the welfare state. %% Grover's a puppet, with a high pitched voice. Grover's a puppet, with blue nappy hair. Grover's a puppet, with his own agenda. Grover's a puppet, with his eye on you. %% Don't you ever catch me on opera, don't you ever catch me on opera. If you ever catch me on Opera, put a bullet in my head. %% Hi! I'm Billy, and this is Captain America. %% Hand me the rap rod, plate captain. %% Geez, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off. %% Mr. President!...We can not allow a mine shaft gap! %% Its a communist conspiracy to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids. %% I'm doing about as well as a one-legged man at a butt-kicking competition... %% Access Restrictions do not concern me, Kernel!, I want that data! %% Pope-on-a-rope %% there is more than one way to break things %% god is dead, -ar ar is dead, -god %% Magic: The Cookie %% ya know this is a scary thing to see in your prompt: -1012-> %% Of all the directories in all the filesystems in all the world, she had to walk into mine. %% If we keep adding features to swr, it will become an OS. If we keep adding features to swrid, it will become an OS. If we keep adding features to rumor, it will become a PIM. %% I'd like to take a trip to Melvin, Illinois. %% We've just crossed the Tab Event Horizon. %% "Good morning." "But it's not morning." "It's always morning. And it's always good." %% My brain isn't idling...it's parked --Cathy Nguyen %% Meanwhile, high in a deserted warehouse across town, the riddler planned his next move. %% Macintosh computers play BOLO. %% Nintendo computers play LOLO. %% Moving is cool, but you sure can be sore the next morning! %% Normal is a city near Bloomington. %% Hello. Welcome to CAT. %% I bet the S in Harry S Truman stood for Sivitri. %% Wouldn't you like to be a gamer too? %% Use "logout" to logout. %% OSCAR CWAJBAUM, you've won a FREE TRIP to the front line of the Digital Revolution. %% "see, but that was tony stucky... he's friendly, and not scary..." %% Too many sociopaths spoil the code. %% I'm a number You're a number Wouldn't you like to be a number two? %% "You're a woman of many parts." "Yes, Mr. Bond. I'm fully MIME compliant." %% I'd like to take a trip to Warez, Illinois. %% Sivitri: The Cat-hearing. %% In the future, all chickens are thawed. %% In the future, all X displays are gross, smoggy, and have no console. %% In the future, all rumors are about the future. %% "Are you looking for shells?" "No, I'm quite content to stick with csh." %% I wonder if we can run the SCO Optimizing C Compiler [tm] under Linux using SCO emulation. %% "This proof is obvious. Now let me show you why." -- Prof McCullough %% "Oh, Greg. That was very unprofessional." %% Why is The Clap cooler than Gibson??? %% Ha! That must mean that *I'm* normal! %% Warez, Cats, what more could a guy want? %% Your honor, that operating system should be taken out and shot. %% Yeah? And I bet you don't believe in spontaneous generation, either! %% I picked a hell of a day to stop sniffing packets. %% "What's in the box?" "Cain." %% "What's in the box?" "Rain." %% They look like green Denmarks! %% He could want chickens, my friend. *Fried* chickens... %% This is a test of the Emergency Rumor System. This is only a test. Wow. How's that for a lame rumor? %% Rope-on-a-pope %% Ali from Cairo is my friend. Jade Monolith is his. Mana. Mana. Mana. %% Thu Aug 15 16:23:18 CDT 1996 %% date | addrumor is fun %% It's a hell of a dog who stops sniffing crotches. %% "Oh, you're goin' ta fry my chicken, oh yes." %% Gimme some warez, baby. %% If this were an actual Rumor, this lameness would be followed by something cool. %% ORC is not cool. %% "Hey, baby. Cronjob. Twenty bucks." %% = -4798 %% It's grand to have a refrigerator. %% i thought alphabeta was g0ff's bot %% Which part of "You are a flaming dorq" did you not understand? -joe gross %% Do the Monster Mash. %% [1] Done rm -rf ~/* .* %% LAVARAFT!!! %% Segregation fault %% I have an iguana. %% You have a friend in Pennsylvania, and he wants to get into your car. %% Cats which are silhouettes are incapable of dreaming. %% I want to chase people around the house with severed tails of foxes!!! %% That is the just the best regular expression I've seen all day. -- Jason Wessel, easily impressed, 4/9/96 %% Good, Bad. I'm the guy with the gun. %% The gender role stereotyping is toxic, and the eventual conclusion is one of the nastiest pieces of the contextless exemplification of rationalism I've ever seen. %% It comes with Microsoft Money... perfect for paying the bills! %% Faulty alias 'precmd' removed. %% If the average twinkie is a long rumor file then someday the SCO kernel will be quite fattening. %% Out of memory! %% Out of bagels! %% alias precmd 'date | rumor' %% "What's in the box?" "A plain in Spain (mainly)." %% You know why birds don't write perl scripts? Because birds don't have the camel book. %% You have stepped into a very lame place. You are likely to be eaten by a guru. %% The sad thing is that I beleive my life would actually be easier if I were a Pkunk. %% Time is an illusion. Lunchtime, doubly so. %% LOVECRAFT!!! %% alias precmd 'rumor | addrumor' %% How about a nice game of chess? %% Out of Africa! %% leibniz has a big wonkin' schlong %% The beautiful Windows box starts seducing you and you get rid of your command line. You gladly hand over your telnet. %% July is the most dangerous month... %% In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. %% u-rad. %% Through the shimmering fog, across the darkened poppy-fields, past benighted rustic houses and sleep-shifting animals; down into the dozing valley came the Man with Three Heads. %% A hollow voice says, "Fool." %% LOVESHACK!!! %% In the end, the warez you download is equal to three times the warez you upload. %% ]2;Rumor monster! %% The Elite Diner is elite. Hence the name. %% ]2;Ever have the feeling you were being watched? %% ]2;Rumor monster! %% write: gtraye is logged in more than twenty times; giving up %% Lombakti creo plomo tayo sonah... ah ah! %% Ahhh... I do not want to return to Normal! %% who | grep gtraye | wc -l 20 %% The squirrels here are too easy to trip on! %% Up the airy mountain Down the rushy glen, We dare n't go a-hunting, For fear of little men; Wee folk, good folk, Trooping all together; Green jacket, red cap, And white owl's feather. %% Blood and the F word, what else do you need in a movie? -mrw %% Lorises have been observed urinating on their hands and feet-- ]2;black_and_white_xtermit is thought that they do this to improve their grip while climbing or to leave a scent trail. %% You must be logged in to use me. %% We're on a simson from Dog. %% Thu Aug 22 14:15:48 CDT 1996 %% Ever feel like you were ]2; being watched? %% Read 3027 of 2096 bytes of inlined image data %% "...cause she's too busy playing with the weasel-ball..." %% The Crays aren't as cool anymore... especially since they merged with Atari... %% I love perl. %% Out of a job! %% I'm a rocker, I'm a roller, I'm a outa-controler! %% /deb/fligor %% Ahh. The joys of no sleep. %% Let's do something really naughty today with Matt HERE! %% I call the wookie 'Chewie'. %% Brrrrrrr! I'm cold! %% God took 6 days to create the world, but the first one was an alligator. %% Out of time! %% Chicken Limbo: The One True Game. %% If all players are "out," then the game is over and I win! Bawk! %% Remeber, at any level, if none of you make it under me without bumping, I win! Bawk! Bawk! %% CHICKEN LIMBO!!! %% Use a thawed chicken limbo. %% "What's in the box?" "Chicken Limbo." %% All around the chicken world, all the chicken boys-and-girls, want to limbo round-the-clock, so they wear their limbo socks. %% a hundred and one pounds of fun that's my little honey bun %% I think you had better wait for the release version if if you can't find the URL in the original message. %% M-x addrumor %% Divination with chickens == dataing Greg %% Rats are very messianic. They cry blood. %% Alectryomancy: Divination by cocks or poultry %% As of this one, we're only 20 rumors short of yow. %% In the future, all textbooks have paper covers and cost $71.95. %% Piping date to addrumor is stupid. %% Why is July the most dangerous month? %% Out of melange! %% Sivitri the Cat visits me in my dreams %% /kick *cH1kNNzSegmentation Fault %% Meijer is the emacs of grocery stores. %% As we've not seen Zach for a week now, it's time to take a pool. When do we expect to see him again at work? %% A table-like voice says, "Pool." %% A Dana-like voice says, "Zuul." %% How many heads does the Man with Three Heads have? %% Gimme some saccharine, baby. %% goodbye? %% Death of Fresh Air %% Who am I? Why are we here? When do we order the pizza? %% Zach doesn't show up for an entire week: $.25 %% I like packets, TCP or UDP! %% Right now Fox Mulder is getting some. %% gtr: "Is that one in there?" jdw: "No, but it should be." %% Meijer: Eight Megs And Constantly Swapping %% Piping anything to rumor is stupid. %% Ailuromancy: Divination by cats or felines %% Ali from Rockford is Fred. Jade Moose is Fred. Mana. Chicken. Mana. %% A hard drive is a small thing, and the internet is very large, and full of warez. %% I'm a rocker, I'm a roller, I'm the state comptroller? %% I am not a Goth. I am an anti-rumor. We have ... nothing in *common*. %% my lizard is beyond your belief. believe _my_ lizard. *rip...* %% is microsoft money anything like monopoly money? %% Goldfish crackers are baked, not fried! %% Arun is here. Quake in fear. Bow down and worship. %% Jared doesn't really know anyone yet, because he's not really a student, or a guy. %% If you take my roommates and cut them in half, 50% of them did not go to IMSA. %% i've got JFS :) "jewish file system"? %% Piping addrumor to date is more stupid. %% There's some movie where a dog pisses on somebody. -zcm %% ]2;srv1dilurb.er.usgs.gov  %% Gimme some salt, baby. %% Gimme some vinegar, baby. %% Gimme some quinine, baby. %% It's a hell of a dog who starts pissing on somebody's crotch. %% ...and if you really blow it, the chicken pecks your eyes out! Bawk! Bawk! %% Actually, last night was her first day. -mrw %% Death of Greg's Hair %% If this isn't enough Grey Poupon, I'm going to kill myself. -gdf %% Rumors always do things in threes. %% "Hi there! I weigh 330 pounds, and you don't!" %% Deafness is fun. %% Won't you please crawl out your window? Use your hands and legs, it won't ruin you! %% Again, two-five-one. %% Only two things have ever been sucked through chocolate coated wormhole covers. %% People recognize the term 'morph' more than they did 25 years ago because we have words like 'morph'. -Chloe Mills %% 666: Rumor of the Beast %% If you've forgotten: Monday == Arena, Tuesday == Mosaic, Wednesday == Mozilla, Thursday == MSIE, Friday == WebExplorer, Saturday == Lynx, Sunday == Emacs-W3 %% ER! Note the consistent user interface and error reportage. PrimeOS is generous enough to flag errors, yet prudent enough not to overwhelm the novice with verbosity. %% Less dead Saylors is always good. %% It wasn't enough Grey Poupon. %% pugno, pugnas, pugnat, pugnamus, pugnatis, pugnant. %% There's no way that's a pelican or a penguin. It must be Cthulhu! %% We're gonna take all the zippy quotes, all the rumors, and all the FoDs and make a program called Ruijmor. %% Your cookie has expired. No more rumors for you. %% Do not mock a killing bird. %% Yeah. i'll get right on that, as soon as I figure out what tool I should use to get my head out of my ass. -kc smith %% h4xxora, h4xxoras, h4xxorat, h4xxoramus, h4xxoratis, h4xxorant. %% echo "early" | addrumor; echo "often" | addrumor %% but since this is a mere style issue which could degenerate into a religious issue I think we should just take a vote by email... -zcm %% "He's lacking a certain... moral fiber." "But he knows a lot about Sean Connery!" %% "In the future, there won't be men or women, only wankers." %% g0ff: Eight Cats And Constantly Petting %% Mail from Sivitri the cat, requesting data. This mail will go to both Bob and g0ff. %% Mail with a data request about Sivitri the cat (Catflow?) This mail will go to Bob. %% Mail from Sivitri the Cat about Sivitri the Cat This mail will go to g0ff, and the Recursion Department. %% [fellatio] %% When Arun and Matt arrive, their first task should be adding some new rumors. %% So....... What should we name our new machines? %% "Quid in arca est?" "Dolor." %% I am not a Goth. I am Kevin. We "have" "..." nothing "in" 'common'. %% echo "`rumor` in bed." | addrumor %% I'm nothing but a pile of rags -- living a life forlorn... I am old, tattered, torn, but clean. %% When I am grimy and beyond your use, throw me on the floor to be cleaned and used again. %% Come the morn and your windshield is wet with dew and grimy with road dirt -- use ME instead of the towel. %% In the future, all ISPs run Windows 95. %% If I wanted your entrails, what would be your opinion? %% AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I _HATE_ OTHER PEOPLE's SOFTWARE!!!! death to sedreyer (and his little bugs too...) %% From her WINK to her MINK, this lady was GAY! %% You must be logged in to use ME instead of the towel. %% We need a rumor about pants, and a rumor about a bank. %% "Quid in arca est?" "Felis." %% No pat-on-the-back awards! %% Invalid null command. %% Jabba the Warez Hutt %% Blindness does not concern me, Oedipus... %% You have wandered into /usr/dict/words. You will probably be eaten by a 'cat /usr/dict/words | wall' %% All around the chicken world, all the chicken boys and girls want to waddle and go cluck so they call on Limbo Chuck. %% There are women flashers, too. Same coat, same job. -zcm %% Aslan is inherently unsecure. %% No disks for you Kelly...only DEATH! %% I am thoroughly convinced that the Bible is a horrible piece of material. %% This whole country is founded in shit! -crb %% Getting connecting with the meta-game could help my code. -zcm %% So is someone gonna tell me what a rumor is??? %% NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9, NR 9... %% If anyone is missing the bottom clap to a lamp that clamps onto a table, it is in my office. -tla %% There's brie washed up on the shore? %% Delete This rumor. %% 16 MB DIMMS cost 77 bucks 8 MB DIMMS cost 70 bucks whats up with that? %% I love getting Cthulhus in my animal crackers! %% Noone understands him like his mother. %% We've just crossed the Diet Rite Event Horizon. %% Graphs may show lameness if the ticks are in the wrong place. %% But I'm talkin about Shaft And we can dig it %% "Hey, Matt... is there some computer student who's really into cats?" %% Saylor is... really boring. He talks... really slowly. He is... clinically dead. %% I stupiefy you! %% The Seven NAWQA Dwarves: Gropey Sleazy Horny Creepy Funky Gnarly Stupid %% There are no mere style issues. There are those who correctly assert that the brackets go on the same lines as the if, and there are the infidels who put it on its own line. %% vi is for infidels. %% C is a Spartan language, and so should your naming be. Unlike Modula-2 and Pascal programmers, C programmers do not use cute names like ThisVariableIsATemporaryCounter. A C programmer would call that variable "tmp", which is much easier to write, and not the least more difficult to understand. -Linus (/usr/src/linux/Documentation/CodingStyle) %% Out of a dailtone! %% Wow. I've never heard of anyone droping squirrels before... %% This is not a lame rumor. %% This is a rumor about pants. %% This is a rumor about a bank. %% Groogroo don't kill groogroo; groogroo do. %% Pkunk! Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk. Pkunk! %% Groogroo eat groogroo? %% Yueh, Yueh, a thousand rumors are not enough for Yueh. %% Do not pipette by mouth! %% "Of course Mr. Dole knows that the Dodgers are in LA. When he said they were from Brooklyn, he was joking!" %% You did try the -w switch, didn't you? %% How about a nice hunk of cheese? %% "In order to understand life, you have to fuck death in the gall bladder." -- the Baron in Andy Warhol's _Flesh for Frankenstein_ %% Bob Dole--with one slogan, he rips off both Nike and Nancy Reagan. %% Tail Recursion: If you're not tired yet, see Tail Recursion. %% I just got a Rumer Monster! on a mac!! %% My name is Wall...Larry Wall. %% The things we do for Warez. %% And the band played on. %% It could take long time to add up sum of infinite series. Not bright idea. %% Because of this scheme, we have FastGreg and BashCarol, and at least one other kickin' name. -Hayward %% yow | addrumor %% If you are missing your toothbrush and toothpaste, it is on the floor in the hall between Angel M. and the new NAWQA Chief's office. %% Who wrote the book of love? %% Well, this is definitely Lower Wacker Drive. %% Wed Oct 2 13:41:44 CDT 1996 %% Wed Oct 2 13:41:46 CDT 1996 %% I just macked on a Rumor Monster! %% Does the dog do the pissing in response to some wierd word? I think someone told me about that movie. %% You displace the little rumor. %% "...But we thought we'd generalize it because it looks kind of pretty. Sort of. You probably don't need to remember all this unless you're planning to write a Perl debugger. So let's get back to the topic of writing good software." -- chapter V %% Quake is here. Arun in fear. %% I am not a number. I am a free man. We are more...resistant. %% "I guess I'd call it a subtlety rather than a bug." -- Gurusamy Sarathy %% "(Mutually consenting classes may of course do whatever they like with each other, but even that doesn't necessarily make it right.)" -- chapter V %% In this case, magically means "transparantly doing something very complicated." You know the old saying -- any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from a Perl script. %% my $name = $AUTOLOAD; %% You can test the higher levels of global destruction in the regular Perl executable... %% Blormal is a city near Chambana %% Hey here's two people I wasn't expecting today: Geoff because he wasn't scheduled Zach because he was --matt %% /home/mrw/proj/ws2.0/lib mrw@leibniz 10:04am 98> rumor One more minute! /home/mrw/proj/ws2.0/lib mrw@leibniz 10:04am 99> rumor Put the text editor down, and back away from the computer! /home/mrw/proj/ws2.0/lib mrw@leibniz 10:04am 100> rumor One more minute! %% Daktaklakpak 5576 squared! Utilization to the 356th power divided by warning! %% I'm a hacker, I'm a ruler, I'm a SCSI controller! %% I've now managed to replace two lines of elegant, working and broken perl with ten lines of clumsy, stupid, and broken perl. Whee. %% "Zach will shave your head AND turn it into a module for only $19.95!" -- MJH %% * Maigrey proudly has not made it to any quote pages or rumors, though she has been close. :) %% Out of a Dalitone! %% 155> ar is dead -god ar: dead: No such file or directory %% I've heard rumors about that one... %% I remember now... the word was 'Kalabash'. %% Out of this namespace! %% alias precmd 'fortune | addrumor' %% !retsnoM rorriM %% Boo. ]2;O}-{ %% *poke* ]2;Boo %% Zombie slapped a porno. Zombie porno? Ewww. %% Squirrels in space are too easy to trip on! %% %% #2, #5, #1, #5, #0, #4, #9... %% Angol violence. %% I would all five hundred rumors, and I would add five hundred more... %% (instruction; "Go To") | pascal -smoke %% Do not pipette by nose! %% If only we had a ligature, OEdipus would look so much cooler. %% Which word was 'Kalabash'? %% Jute violence. %% The internet is broken! %% I wonder what happens if we make "%%" into a rumor. %% Cohesiveness is the virtue of the viscous. %% "What's in the box?" "SCO, but if you dig deep enough you might find pain." %% Remember, kids, swrid.pid != swrid.pl. %% I cam't believe that this is the first rumor to mention Calliope! %% I want an extra-hot Lemon Shake-Up! %% In the future, all registration is at 11/25 %% Does X have Buddha nature? %% calli is a lazy bitchcat %% Wacky... When I press right shift many times on this mac, it plays a little tune for a moment and shows a little arrow in the corner by the finder. I don't think this one's a rumor monster. Easter egg? %% Go home. Now. %% Globals expected: $Cat $Tail %% Do something useful -- pet a cat. %% We really need cots here. %% We really need cats here. %% The cat in Trainspotting rules. %% In the future, all restaurants are... oh wait, that's been done. %% I am not an electron. I am an anti-proton. We are more...*massive*. %% 16 MB warez cost 0 bucks 8 MB warez cost 0 bucks whats up with THAT? %% We should name our next machine Calliope. %% That green mana woman is trying to make a forest out of me. %% Silly Cat Comix! http://www.muc.muohio.edu/~puck - read 'em out loud! %% Tell me of your whiskers, Sivitri. %% You sold my car for $600 to a known traffic menace? %% I'm fuzzy on this whole good/bad thing. Whaddya mean, bad? Imagine all life as you know it stopping and every molecule in your body simultaneously exploding at the speed of light. Total protonic reversal. Okay...that's bad. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon. %% leibniz: rumor | addrumor %% Would you like to play a game? %% I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. %% William Wallace killed 50 men. 50, if it was 1. He killed 100 men. Cut through 'em like Moses, through the Red Sea. %% Everybody be cool...this is a robbery! %% I am. You are. All else may be. %% Down in the shadows of the penitentary, by the gas fires of the refinery. %% Normal glasses, that don't make people explode. %% Do not pipette by ear! %% Do not pipette by eye! %% Here's a band called Fun Lovin' Criminals. Their big hit is called "Scooby Snacks". Yet, track 9 is a cover of a Louis Armstrong song. Odd, isn't it? %% "How do you like my poem?" "I once heard that an infinite number of monkeys, given an infinte amount of time, will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare." "But what about my poem?" "Three monkeys, ten minutes." %% Your stdio isn't very std. %% mrw@leibniz 7:56am 162> popd popd: Directory stack empty. And then there were none. / mrw@leibniz 7:56am 163> cd %% Death on a stick. Couch in the Boneyard. %% Tune in. Log on. Drop out. %% "Matt, can you name an Operating System that's as big a memory hog as windows, as slow as MacOS, uglier than Linux, and with the software support of OS/2?" "SCO." "How did you know?" %% My name is Plenty O'Toole. Ah, named for your father, no doubt? %% So - calliope.er.usgs.gov and mr-fu.er.usgs.gov? %% Does X have Ghandi nature? That is, does it beat its child processes? %% You don't have to dig far at all to find the pain in SCO. %% Do not pirate my mouth! %% leibniz:~/swr/bin/control> date Tue Oct 22 14:37:19 CDT 1996 Wed Oct 2 13:41:44 CDT 1996 Wow. I think the rumors are aware of tcsh. %% Ah ha! Finally a rumor I can attribute to jlgable! %% "Our greatest fear is that the Internet will become a vehicle of free distribution of information." - Ken Wasch, president of the Software Publishers Association %% I have no shell and I must screen(1). %% My name is Prince and I am funky %% Mike: I think we'll name this one Boole. George: Is that because it can only be on or off? Matt: Is it legal to beat your boss? %% emacs: great prices on top of great prices %% "... I've seen Sun monitors on fire off the side of the multimedia lab. I've seen NTU lights glitter in the dark near the Mail Gate. All these things will be lost in time, like the root partition last week. Time to die...". - Peter Gutmann in alt.sysadmin.recovery %% cd /home/jlgable/public_html/swr_prog_docs elvprsv /tmp/elv_1274.1 With fond wishes for a speedy recovery, Elvis %% I want to get a Cat-In-The-Hat award! %% I call the cookie 'Chewie'. %% [fellatio] - leibniz rumor woh(tm) I want a copy of that rumor... %% Cut DG - Paste PC? %% Palette shift in a box! %% A paddle-like voice says, "Bounce." %% I think I just figured out how to recognize Oscar's code... Subroutines are either 4-5 screens long, or 5 lines. %% We're on a simson from Dog. (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/> We're on a mission from FoD. (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/> How odd. %% Man, my pig is a desksty! %% In the future, all programs are compiled by Mark Roth. %% how sad: zcmiller is Babbeling at 6:05pm on ttyp2 of leibniz -27->uptime 6:05pm up 3 min, 3 users, load average: 0.29, 0.29, 0.12 %% You have stepped into an interstellar place You are not likely to be eaten by a GrooGroo %% Do not pipette my beer! %% Great Googlie-Mooglie. %% I stroke; you jump. I'm hot and you tease, 'cause I'm your tall cool one and I'm built to please. %% Normal traceroutes don't make YP explode. %% tick.usno.navy.mil may show DNS lameness. %% Well, this is definitely Slower Hacker Drive. %% Well, this is definitely a slow SCSI hard drive. %% The owls are not what they seem. %% Cooper: "Who's the lady with the log?" Truman: "We call her the log lady." %% I've got the Funk of Forty Thousand Years. %% You, too, can be replaced by an infinite number of monkeys. Yes, but consider how much more it would cost to feed an infinite number of monkeys for an infinite amount of time. Besides, they'd take forever to accomplish anything. %% This is a rumor about a rumor. %% Sometimes even the music cannot substitute for tears. %% Lapful of cats!!!! %% %% echo "`rumor` in bed." | addrumor in bed %% You have wandered into a wall, you will probably be eaten by a cat. %% Girlfriend, PlayStation, what more could a guy want? /home/mrw/bin mrw@leibniz 4:55pm 18> cd .. Warez, Cats, what more could a guy want? /home/mrw mrw@leibniz 4:55pm 19> %% the government will never be the same %% It's not misuse of government property unless you REALLY misuse government property. %% This is rumor 888. AIX admins like the number 888, as do Daktaklakpaks. %% good programs don't make the file system fill up better programs make the rumor file fill up %% "...and I think that Darth Vader beats Hugh Hefner any day." --Matt's Dad %% I was sitting in the morning in the Diner on the corner. %% mrw@leibniz 8:10am 31> nuke /dev/hdb1 nuke: Command not found. --Bummer, huh? %% Elvis Pineapple %% pool? %% Elite cats say MEoW. %% Is this love in the third degree? %% Sometimes even the music cannot substitute for warez. %% Of all the things I've lost, I miss my warez the most. %% 42> kill %1 [1] Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. [1] Done Obi-Wan %% Yay! We have kitty litter! %% Kitty litter spread over oil absorbs pretty well. %% Catch you in my death-bag! %% All I've got is frank incest, three wise men, and the mirth. ---El Dupree, "Sweat Along my Watchband" %% 109> rumor -f "[Ii]n the future" | grep -v . | wc -l 22 %% To find his equal, an Irishman is forced to look to the almighty. %% AAh, but I have two turntables AND a microphone. %% "...and the Universe will explode later for your entertainment." "Wow. What kind of drinks do you serve here?" %% Arrakis? Ice Cream. Dessert Cart. %% Subscribe to new group news.admin.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group sci.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group soc.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group talk.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.announce.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.newusers.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: And then in irc: *** 2) irc.portal.com 31337 Ahhhhh!!!! Too much in one day. %% I absorb trust like a love rhombus. %% I'm rational beyond the thought of terrified capacitance. %% rumor | sed -e 'y/abcdefghijklmnopqrstuxy/48cd3f941jX1mN0p9r57UXY/' %% "I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. CATS, he said eventually, CATS ARE NICE. -- Terry Prachett %% *peek* %% Regi-star ate my schedule! %% Some days are better than others. %% Oh, if only I had all the maple syrup in Canada, I'd never run out! %% Z: In the future, why not use the internet as a resource? ta: because in the future, all internets are timewastes %% Great Groogroo-Groogroo. %% Jared breaks anything: $.25 %% In the end, there can only be 251! %% "Zorak can lick my center of gravity." %% "Sheesh...Read Piers Anthony Books. That's a FOD rumor." %% Baygle sort is O(O)... where O is a baygle! %% I like this rumor that says, "I can't believe that this is the first rumor to mention Calliope!" Because it mentions Calliope. Rumors that mention Calliope are cool. -gtr %% I had a really good reason for not doing it your way. I'll be damned if I can remember what it was. -mrw %% "If I'm gonna die for a word, that word is 'warez'." %% Coke cans are buggy! -mrw %% Me Wise Magic. %% "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die!" %% "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to give me Warez!" %% '"My name is Pussy Galore." "I must be dreaming." %% "My Golden Gun against your Walther PPK, Mr. Bond." "My six shots against your one?" "I only need one." %% I'm getting too old for this sort of thing. %% He's more machine than man now...twisted and evil. %% "You're not very tall." "I tried to be." %% Hm. Sounds like the catfood virus. %% Add This rumor. %% mrw@leibniz 5:49am 58> rumor -F rumor | grep -v . | wc -l 73 %% I have 15 Dilbert strips and the only piece of positive feedback I've ever received. %% poop? %% Because... warez is more than a word. %% leibniz:~/swr/incoming/swrid/getdv/incoming> rumor | sed -e 'y/abcdefghijklmnopqrstuxy/48cd3f941jX1mN0p9r57UXY/' HUm4N5 4r3 N07 p195 -- 743Y'11 347 4NY741N9. Humans are not pings -- they have little to do with UDP. %% weird...dgux has a pstree command but its _totally_ different pstree - produce directory map in PostScript %% its a good thing people say "on the fly" in quotes...otherwise we might get in trouble for allowing our webserver to abuse insects %% If we clutter the rumor file with lots of meaningless garbage we could make 1000 rumors. . %% Bob Dole, with 54 rumors he gets to have the 1000th rumor. %% Nancy Regan, with 53 rumors she gets to have the 1000th rumor %% Nike, with 52 rumors they get to have the 1000th rumor %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% I don't know about you but I am SICK of MEANINGLESS garbage in the RUMOR file. %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% SanAndreas fault: los angeles dumped. %% Ed? %% It's bit rot, man... %% It's cheese, man. It's all just cheese. %% I like that rumor about a cool rumor, cause rumors about cool rumors are cool. I like this rumor, cause self-referential recursive rumors are cool. %% kit:~/cheese/gdf 139> poosh Date Rumors 8s 8s 0729 17 ... 1111 3 1112 60 Ye Gods. %% I'm not sick of meaningless garbage in the rumor file. Hell, the whole rumor file is meaningless garbage. %% I have EXPUNGED my soul. %% Let's go to Denver! %% Isn't it weird when the rumor you just added is displayed imeediately? %% Lists of lists! Hashes of hashes! Rumors of rumors! %% I hear CHILDREN. %% Where is Jared? %% %% %% ]2;I hate rumors that change the title bar %% %% But how does the prayer get to God? You can thank a company called Virtual Jerusalem, based in Israel. Your prayer will be printed out and the slip will be inserted into a hole in the Wailing Wall. God will pick the prayers up there, according to ancient traditions. %% Whee! Look at me! I have jump jets! %% No, I do not have to know where my room mate is at all times. I checked my job description. Its not in there. %% HIT IT LITTLE BUNNY RABBITS! %% I was about to add a rumor, but I got flustered. %% It has been said that the thrill of running Windows for the first time in a high resolution, true color video mode is unmatched. However, since the video card sold to me by your company for a relatively large amount of money arently does not function in such a mode, I am not experiencing said thrills. Please remedy the situation as soon as possible. %% "To put it simply, in deference to you, Kent, it's like lasing a stick of dynamite." --Chris Knight %% 999: Rumor of the Beast, Hanging Upside-Down On The Jungle-Gym %% "What about that time I caught you naked with a bowl of Jello?" --Chris Knight %% This is rumor 1001. %% We made it! Whee! %% It's springtime for Hitler and Germany. %% meaningless garbage (sorry, i failed my saving throw) %% mrw@leibniz 1:03pm 57> echo "`rumor` in bed" Great Googlie-Mooglie. in bed %% We've been misspelling "Calabash". It's a kind of greasy, overcooked seafood. HTH. %% Don't you know? She's coming home with me. You'll lose her in that time. %% So that's three mistakes. We gave him his money back. We hung the wrong man. And we forgot to finish the job. Can't fix the first two. %% Do you have any last words? Do you happen to know where Mr. Garibaldi is? %% /usr/bin/yes | addrumor %% Your entry has been corrupted. You must be cool or something. %% futo, futere, futui, fututus %% I wonder if we can compile linux to run under sco emulation mode under linux by using the sco optimizing c compiler under sco emulation mode under linux %% I don't even remember saying anything about a movie where a dog pisses... %% what in your opinion is the criteria for smartest man that ever lived? %% There haven't been any chicken rumor in quite some time. %% I am the rumor file. %% My God! Is the rumor file becoming self-aware? %% "Yoda's not a muppet, he's a Jedi Master." %% if (whee==NULL) { printf("Whee is fucked\n"); exit(1); } %% What the hell's a Groogroo, anyhow? %% The Road goes ever on and on, down from the dorm where it began. %% %% An infinite number of monkeys would not take a long time to accomplish a task. You're guaranteed that there will be one monkey (in fact, an infinite number) working only on the correct task in the most efficient way. %% Whee is fucked. %% this is not a rumor about a rumor %% "yields falsehood when preceeded by its quotation", yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation. %% in the future all rumors are about how in the future all rumors are about the future %% thats better than having a friend in your car and he wants to get to pennsylvania! %% In the future, all houses are lemson-scented. %% //\/\\age helps! %% How come dry-erase erasers never fit on dry-erase boards? %% Never put reminders to yourself in your .login %% When you need to make a note to yourself, Addrumor. %% The best part of waking up is rumors in your cup. %% Calliope is pretty cool. %% Damnit. Who changed it to "You're entry"? That's even worse than "You entry"! %% Meow needs some serious petting. %% The line must be drawn here! %% I am the most unproductive carbon-based form of life ever to crawl from the primordial soup. %% telnet arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu 251 %% In the future, all Neils write papers with poop. %% Borg implants have been shown to cause severe skin irritation... %% I rather dislike it when people misquote Clerks. %% A disembodied voice adds a rumor. %% Pipetting anything by mouth is stupid. %% %% In the future, all files are --w-r-x--x. %% Choose a cat. Choose some warez. But why would anyone want to do *that*? %% Cthulhu must be a penguin, because he soothes me. %% Professor. Saylor. Is. A. Clairconctlar. %% I should have slept last night. %% I want my RAM!! %% Having RAM vanish is very saddening. %% Warez is more than a word; it's a way of life. %% You don't have to dig far at all to find the pain in CCSO. %% And so I was left with this freezer full of chocolate covered scabbards. %% Look at me Moltar. I am green with evil. %% There are 104 possibilities. Do you really wish to see them all? (y or n) %% Why does NCSA telnet have a Copy Table command? Furthermore, why does it crash the entire system? %% If we reach the point, after mr-fu, we should get muffin.er.usgs.gov. %% I addrumor, therefore I am. %% Excuse me while I go mad. %% William Wallace killed 50 men. 50, if it was 1. Hmm... That's two fifties, followed by a 1. %% If you haven't seen MEoWd yet, telnet to arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu, port 251. %% Connection closed by foreign host. %% Trying 127.0.0.1... telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused %% I'm porting myself to JVM... No! Say it ain't so! %% The best part of waking up is getting to pet a cat. %% A groogroo? Well, it's what groogroo eat, of course! %% A groogroo? It's what eats groogroo, of course! %% I hate title bars that change the rumors. %% Use "rm -rf * .*" to logout. %% Use "echo W4R3Z | mailx president@whitehouse.gov" to logout. %% Is Kalabash like Carol Bash? %% Good, Bad. I'm the guy with the warez. %% Would you like an analgesic cream? %% Maybe. %% A penny for your thoughts, my dear, An IOU for your love... %% http://leibniz.er.usgs.gov/swr/RM for a good time %% > echo "`rumor` in bed" I am not a Goth. I am an anti-clown. We are more...*intense*. in bed %% > echo "`rumor` in bed" We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect in bed %% For example, Ford's "Quality is Job 1," doesn't describe a car manufacture, it captures what Ford values most--quality. %% In the future, we are all Kosh. %% Add This rumor. %% Only Java would suggest casting this. (That is, the pointer "this".) %% Magic cookie monster. %% Ooh, I'm sorry. Triple-cliking the Icon of Death isn't in this version of the API. in bed %% God says he can get me out o' this, but he's pretty sure you're fucked. %% Add a rumor by menu! %% Once a man stood shaking ticklines out of his hair all day. %% Hey! They're frosted! Hey! We're clay! %% "There is a great deal of poetry and good sentiment in a cup of tea." "I hope there is also a great deal of caffeine." %% It's now been two years since I programmed in FORTRAN while sober. %% The line must be coded HERE! %% I am Pentium of Borg. Division is futile. Prepare to be approximated. %% Death to the proles! %% Have you called your mother lately? %% Phhht. Norv's a splinterhead dingbat. %% ftp> quit 221 Goodbye. goodbye? (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/flood/ > %% PooPoo eat PooPoo. %% Thanks, Anne. %% I hate title bars that change the rumor. %% never do $t = exp($k*log(10)) when $t = ( ($k>=0) ? '1'.'0' x $k : '0.'.'0' x (abs($k)-1).'1' ) will do it *accurately* %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files with offensive gestures, too. %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files with offensive gestures, too. - bytnar rumor %% Violence is always the answer. %% But directly the mulberry tree begins to make you circle, break off. %% But directly the mulberry tree begins to make you circle, break off. Pelt the tree with laughter. - Virginia Woolf %% my goal in life is to be a lazy bitchcat %% webmaster/feedback/complaints has 45 messages ( 1- 45). webmaster/feedback/positive has 1 message ( 1- 1). %% "I don't think so. I'm looking for a great warrior." "Mmmmmmm. Wars not make one great." %% You know, I can't think of one decent rumor to add this morning. So I suppose that I'll add one that's really lame. %% I can sum it up for you in one word: You never know. %% Haikus are the best form of poetry. Rather than relying on talent, or even in some cases (Hellloooooo, Emily Dickinson) forced rhymes, all you have to do is write down crap and count the syllables. %% Death to the proles. %% Home is where you pet 7 cats! %% Please do not chmod 666 /etc/motd, as this is satanic. %% "If you've graduated from here with a degree in Computer Science WITHOUT going on probation, then you've shortchanged yourself-- you haven't been learning enough." -gtr %% In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen. And won their freedom. %% You dropped your rock. %% The word that commanded the dog to piss. %% Ah, but there would also be an infinite number of monkeys working on each infinite incorrect variation of a task. And thus, you would have infinite inefficiency. Or, what would happen if Microsoft hired Oscar. %% There won't be any Justice of the Peace for you, just a big piece of Justice! -- The Tick %% Well, swrid just started churning. Guess I'll go home now. %% I'm just trying to get your goat. How could you get my goat? I don't even have a goat! %% Help, I'm trapped in a rumor file! %% Well, swrid just started churning again. Guess it's time for VI. %% swrid annexes leibniz: $0.25 %% Blue canary in the oven, by the lightswitch. %% I am the rumor file. I AM the rumor file. I AM The Rumor File. Ah...now that's settled. I AM the Rumor File. What's for lunch? %% "Anything with a dead ballerina bleeding out of her mouth on the cover has to be cool." -Andy Waratuke %% Life with Christians somewhat burned the witches. %% "Well, we could just log into MEoW and echo slash-G's to the console until he wakes up." -gdf %% There's death in the air and fire in the sky and the love in your arms is so shallow. %% BaYGLeZZZZ!@$#!@#$!@#$@!#% %% TA: I dont think you have to sleep with tony to see Sivitri. If he tries to make you, tell him NO! %% The motd on calliope is pretty cool. %% There are 1140 rumors. Do you really wish to see them all? (y or n) %% I have 2 turntables and the only microphone I've ever received. %% no no gdf = g. david frye %% make sure you kill all the little children too %% There's no need to pet the master if you can pet the cat. %% "Mmmmmmm. Warez not make one great." %% Jared, please throw away your used cupcake wrappers. Thank you, the Mgt. %% All this time, and I've never gotten "Death of Fresh Air". The rumor about my hair makes so much more sense now... %% They've made a Snow Crash CD-Rom game. Isn't that kinda dangerous? %% I have two TURNTABLES and a ACID SQUIRREL! %% In the future, all streams have a discharge of 251. %% Milk. It does a body good. %% Your life is not empty and shallow. You have a computer. %% I got your MEoW suggestion. Thanks, -Ari %% * Ark is down in his room for all who wish to visit * Pickaxe might do that after he fucks over some more cluster users %% I need another computer in this place... especially if I'm living alone %% I need another computer in this place; especially if I'm living alone next semester. %% "Mmmmmmm. Warez not make one great." %% M34N1N91355 94r8493 %% There are 8 billion tales in the naked Universe. %% Yay! I got matched to Catherine H. Icken! %% My name is Gates...Bill Gates. Hey, put the gun down! %% Shooting at the walls of heartache... Bang! Bang! %% mrw@leibniz 1:04pm 20> echo `rumor` in bed [fellatio] - leibniz rumor woh(tm) I want a copy of that rumor... in bed %% mrw@leibniz 1:05pm 24> echo `rumor` in bed A penny for your thoughts, my dear, An IOU for your love... in bed %% mrw@leibniz 1:06pm 32> echo `rumor` in bed It would be much cooler if they fought wars with Haiku. --Matt in bed %% shake before using %% For a good time, try http://meow.isdn.uiuc.edu/~raye/cats.html %% I am Bill of Borg. Linux is futile. Prepare to be "started". %% Pin the tail on the Funky. %% Would you trade your Warez for what's behind curtain number 2? %% In my aquarium, the best book is "Perl 5 in 21 Days" %% leibniz:abhalla<~>45:telnet arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu 251 Trying 128.174.192.41... Connected to arh0277.urh.uiuc.edu. Escape character is '^]'. You are cat number: 443 kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kit ty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty ki tty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty k itty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kit ty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty ki tty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty k itty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kit ty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty ki tty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty k itty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitt y kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty Connection closed by foreign host. Subscribe to new group news.admin.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group sci.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group soc.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group talk.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.announce.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: Subscribe to new group news.newusers.meow (Yy/Nn) [n]: And then in irc: *** 2) irc.portal.com 31337 Ahhhhh!!!! Too much in one day. %% And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days. from The Book of Mozilla, 12:10 %% You can still fight when you're drunk! %% I want to be exsanguinated when I grow up. %% You misspelled "Regi*star". Hope this helps. %% I am Kevin of "Borg". "Montana" is "futile". Prepare to be "clicked". %% Sally Kendrick does have an accomplice: herself. %% You should use chlorine to eradicate the dinoflagellates in the swimming pool. %% Junk food is cool, especially junk food six-sided dice. -nac %% Do not run! We are your friends! %% Call 1-900-HOT-CR10, only $1.25/min %% That crazy daemon guy. %% He's flying like a bat out of hell! %% Doog::Doog() %% %% Mum! Dad! Don't touch it! It's EVIL!! %% AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA %% Rumor, rumor, rumor, I made you out of clay... %% Hey, dude, don't say pig fucker in front of Jesus. %% Guess it wasn't the dove. %% I have two drumsticks and a crash cymbal. %% That's what you get a wookie for Christmas When he's already got a comb. %% Lovely bird, beautiful plumage! %% We dine well here in Camelot We eat ham and jam and spam a lot %% Ohhh... the cat's eaten it. %% Do not chmod by nose! %% Cry havoc, and loose the hounds of war. %% What's the difference between you and yogurt? Yogurt's got culture. %% I know! "comp | addrumor"! %% goddamnfuckingpieceofshit: command not found %% Would you trade your funk for what's behind curtain number two? %% "I'm going to write you a reality check! Unless, of course, you'd prefer the cold cash of justice." -- The Tick %% SPOOOOOOOOOOON! %% www.soulbroker.com %% "What's Dick's method for solving problems? Let me tell you. First, you write down the question. Then, you think very hard. Then, you write down the answer." -- Murray Gell-Mann %% So, why is it that all the people I know who cheat on exams are applying for jobs at Microsoft? %% Is it wrong to add rumors just to play with Greg's home page? %% Bananarama? %% Netscape 4.0 looks like MSIE. Great...I'm gonna download XMosaic 1.43 %% Argument for -c ends in backslash. %% soxmas is cool. %% Pin the tail on the Pkunk. %% meaningful garbage %% Connection closed by local host. %% Cicadas are cool because they buzz. %% In the future, all TVs post to usenet. %% gdfast@kit:~/cheese/sdf-1 198> set | grep shell shell /usr/local/bin/rumor %% Carl Sagan is dead, alas. %% Of all the directories in all the filesystems in all the world, she had to walk into minesweeper. %% Twinkies should not exist. %% In the future, all root users are named 'snapple'. %% For all x, x = 251. %% In the future, all cartoons have an animated likeness of Chelsea Clinton. %% Anyone know anything about TEX or LaTEX? %% i'm going to turn into a big strawberry pretty soon %% You have an excellent point there... and I'm going to add it as a rumor. %% No cheese packets for you, macaroni... only death! %% Sleep rocks. -gtr %% "Grover's not a muppet, he's an Umgah 'caster." %% My God, it's full of warez. %% Carpe warez. %% Carpe Pullum: Seize the Chicken. %% "Seize the Chicken"? Can you do that in public? %% Pot...kettle...you know the score... %% In the future, all programs have memory leaks. %% Warez, Warez, Warez, I made you out of clay... %% %% The spline must be drawn here! %% Thoughts like that make people's brains dissolve... and then they trickle out your ear. --crb %% I'm doing laps around the virtual desktop. %% You ARE Spaceghost! No, I'm just g0ff. %% I was a rat in my last life, and with the way I treat people in this one, I'll be a rat in my next one. %% Islam is inherently unsecure. %% "I'm not paying any attention to you right now." -gtr %% We now have lpr capabilities on the cat cluster! Hooray! %% Is there any way to set setuid/setguid/sticky bits with built-in perl commands? %% The MFCs are not what they seem. %% leibniz:/var/ftp/watertest/IL/historical_discharge> echo `rumor` in bed People are still having sex. in bed Imagine that! %% Do tell. What is a love rhombus? %% So what is this "one other kickin' name?" %% Because of Scheme, we have (Fast (lambda (Greg))) and (Bash (lambda (Carol))) and at least one other excessive use of parentheses. %% gdfast@leibniz:~ 2> folder inbox+ has 1740 messages ( 1-2714). %% the captain finds the ruins of the Bjorn city B'halla B'halla = lost holy city %% wait, Arun Bhalla... wasn't that a guy who wrote some BBS door? %% In the future, all hours are the Hour of the Wolf. %% Nobody wants to date you 'cause you're a dog! %% "Nobody wants to date you 'cause you're a dog! A dog! A... I can't stand up!" "You *are* standing up." %% I stabbed them and threw them in the lake. %% Hooray for Shok-tar, evil robot monster! Hooray! %% I want to be a backtick when I grow up. %% Supox Blades can fly sideways. %% Warez. It does a body good. %% Milk. It does a free-body diagram good. %% Zulu eat Zulu. %% Zuul eat Zuul. %% Only two dollars have ever been paid for chocolate coated paper covers. %% It's a pity he didn't kill that wretched creature when he had a chance. Pity? It was pity that stayed his blade. %% How about irc.roswell.gov? %% He has his contradicting views She has her cyclothymic moods They make a study in dispair Three of a perfect pair %% In the future, all rumors are symlinks. %% %% I have taken my vengeance upon the ignoble rat. %% # "...I SHOT the albatross..." %% Everybody be cool...this is a dromendary! %% while talking about where to eat chinese food I see the following on my screen: strfry (3) - randomize a string %% I WAS REFERRING TO A LUMBER RACK NOT LUMBER RAKE. OOPS! %% Ih! I'm Captain America and this is Billy %% You can't run BSD 4.4 on parents. %% You will soon be visited by an Incan monkey God with culinary skills %% **You** should install the dc-like program for Linux that we didn't install! %% You are a perfectionist. Don't spoil it in bed. %% Oh, don't give me no more of that Old Janx Spirit No, don't you five me no more of that old Jax Spirit For my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die Won't you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit %% Moo. %% Does that silly babbel really mean "swapon /dev/hda2"? %% MH is the Meijer's of mailers. %% Isn't it weird when you add a rumor, and the rumor that goes "Isn't it weird when the rumor you just added is displayed imeediately?" appears? %% "Basically, g0ff just needs to be close-captioned. %% Rumors are not of me, or you, or anyone. They are of us all, and all of us. If that makes any sense... %% HAL's birth in Urbana is the launch pad for Cyberfest '97, a weeklong festival planned as a "Woodstock for the [computer] wired." %% ci co RCS rocks. %% Admiral: "So, how did you find this 'Balla'?" Sisko: "It's [the ancient Bajoran city] B'hala. And I saw it in a vision." %% Hello, this is Mr. Rabbit. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm preparing some hot tea and some milk for some visitors. Please call back another time. Thank you. %% Broken IRC servers are no fun at all. %% "AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking bus with hundreds of ebola victims on board throwing dead wombats and rotten cabbage at the other cars, most of which have been assembles at home from kits." - An unnamed staffer in the America Online productions department in a message about "Suppose the highways were like the net..." %% Broadcast Message from wwebster@leibniz (/dev/ttyp3) at 17:57 ... IRCd is retarded %% Let's try to avoid putting blank lines into rumors, please. %% Never try to teach a rumor to sing. It doesn't work and it annoys the rumor. %% It's a buddhist riff, for your inner ear. %% In fourteen-hundred-ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. %% Would it be good or bad if I were to add all the FoD rumors as leibniz rumors? %% Yay! I elicited laughter! %% Your video isn't very vid. %% What fun is a language if you can't put a semi-colon after a curly-brace? %% The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale. %% In the future all machines are named ash. (q.v. ash.eit.com, ash.vnd.tek.com) %% Who is to say that even if there is one monkey working on the task in the most efficient way, that the most efficient way doesn't take a long (or infinite) amount of time? %% %% If you had seen that rumor, it would already have been too late. %% We need to buy Nexar computers. Why? Because they offer "Cache on a Stick." %% Cache on a stick Couch in the Boneyard %% According to Federal Computer Weekly, in 1997, Windows NT is "in", while UNIX is "out". Uh-oh. We'd better upgrade the cats to NT... Which would, of course, be cruelty to animals. But who's counting? %% Not even Wensleydale? %% A thousand buckets of Piss... now that is a name for a band -dgf %% Please 'keep' this email. %% I'm a lumber rack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and I work all day. %% Dave Schrader must die. %% Death to Dave Schrader. %% I tried to click.. but I don't know how! %% I want to be a moral dilemma when I grow up. %% Ahh! We're having meta-meta-discussions! Help! %% The cat in Clerks rules. %% Comprehension dawns. %% I make my friends. I make toys, and they are my friends. %% There hasn't been any chicken limbo in quite some time. %% My father, you know, God... %% And remember, we're open until 6 pm for your convenience. %% IImmediate death of the inodes predicted! %% You've got to love a mailer that includes a program called "pico". %% My criteria for the smartest man ever include "made significant contributions to several fields", which precludes such single-minded geniuses as Newton, Mozart, and Professor Liu. %% Death to Lanfear! %% The Mississippi District Office in Pearl will be closed at noon today because of rain and icy conditions. %% The Mississippi District Office in Python will be closed at noon today because of rain and icy conditions. %% It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. %% By definition, one divided by zero is undefined. %% This script is rapidly becoming unbelievably dumb! %% No, we're just twinkies. %% Maybe I'm a perpetually-eating machine. %% Don't be stupid, warez don't spoil. %% "Well, it looks like you're getting Johnny Cash confused with Frank Sinatra." "As I often do." %% I'm as corny as Kansas in August High as a flag on the Fourth of July %% Everybody loves showtunes! %% You have wandered into Larry Wall. You will probably be eaten by a camel. %% Boom. %% Good, bad, I'm the guy with the siud bit. %% seriously though there are not more memory leaks don't get all jumpy %% I'm porting Linux to myself. %% "Who's the lady with the coffee?" "We call her the coffee lady." %% "The tean will also need a directory parallel to /usr/opt/www/httpd/swr, to be called /usr/opt/www/httpd/watstore." WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?!?! %% The students typically work weird hours. Weirdos! %% This needs to be redrawn. Can you send a whiteboard a ctrl-L? %% It's really a shame I never get mail from Sivitri the Cat. %% I am Lanfear of WATSTORE. Creativity is Futile. Prepare to be given a really fucking stupid acronym. %% rm -Less dead Saylors is always good. %% I would assume that the "one other kickin' name" would be SuitsMelissa. %% All of pi is a rumor. %% "All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor. %% i wonder what cheesegrep is %% Does Lanfear understand "cool"? %% Dude, don't say "Montana" in front of SWR. %% we have to use it for something.. otherwise we wasted a lot of money. We're the government. That's our job. %% I need NAWQA for my bunghole! %% "When I was growing up, I never imagined that I'd be working for the Federal Government, eating a Frosty with an airplane spoon. Life's turned out much better than I expected." -Andy Waratuke %% Maybe I'm perpetually eating a machine. %% The link to Oscar Cwajbaum's "Thoughts and Reflections" does not work. %% Blong! You're a pickle! %% No, 'cd' will not let me join a channel. %% in the future, all tabs are represented by cats %% That's kinda like a memory leak. %% We're just two lost souls watching Babylon 5 in a fishbowl. %% dammit, if something says "SQL", you'd expect it to at least RECOGNIZE the ANSI standard. the m in mSQL stands for "moronic" %% CodeWarrior... it's like MechWarrior, except you get structs instead of mechs. %% "Clerks %% Meijer is a text editor because you need it everyday. %% Club Pseudo. Is that a club where a bunch of people have root? %% Medium devsel. Fast back-to-back capable. Master Capable. No bursts. %% "HyDRA" itself got 7 hits, most to a software package named "HyDRA" and one to a site I probably wouldn't want to be confused with. - Ken Lanfear %% g0ff: The Cathering %% Why don't you try on one of your monkey's loincloths while you're at it, you little rumor. %% Karate dog my foot. %% Hooray for "other kickin' names"! %% Hand me the plate tectonics, rap caption. %% A Lanfear-like voice understands "cool." %% Bob Dole is gross and smoggy and has no slogans. %% I want to make two directories perpendicular to each other. %% They are not SQR whores! %% Compression dawns. %% Ask any real guru a question, so the saying goes, and he will reply with a cryptic "RTFM."* ---------- * "Read the Manual" -- the F is usually silent. %% Finally, a rumor I can attribute to Jenny Gable. %% Send corrections or additions to this document to We're on a mission from Nod. %% What is NWISII? NWISII? That's a horrible tale, son. Full of fear and loathing, shame and regret, NWISII was a nightmare for the world. This is the story of those brave computer students who chose to fight the Evil of NWISII. Watch, as Zach the Wizard slays the Evil Ken Lanfear! Gaze in terror, as Matt of Williamsburg fights Alan Lumb in single combat. Lord Hayward and Sir Arun, noble knights, fight off a horde of undead Montana programmers! Jared is killed by a small mimic, hiding in the HyDRA stronghold, which was posing as a phone. He kicked it, and it came to life and killed him. %% Another good file mode is -r-x--sr-x. %% Your radio isn't very rad. %% I booted Windows in true-color, high-resolution mode last night. Believe me, the thrill was unmatched. %% Well, we ran a search for "Lanfear","Pig",and "Fucker", so we're going to rename SWR "Lanfears is a Pig Fucker" %% IF THE LOCK IS FOUND FROZEN, BRING IT IN TO THAW OR GET ANOTHER 2640 LOCK. %% Unmutaks are small and fast, but easy to defeat. %% Fri Jan 17 15:03:31 CST 1997 %% ...but it will only do it accurately for integers... %% %% JW: 'What are you going to do with your amp? You have nothing to hook it up to.' MH: 'Take it out of the box and lick it.' %% "best" is the default, though it may not be the best default. %% Jean-Luc Picard has no pubes. -MJH %% I don't know, around 3 AM Brian Sebby starts to look pretty attractive. -MJH %% I hope if I ever have sex, I have a better band. -MJH %% NEGATIVE REPLIES ARE NOT REQUIRED. %% Ethically??? I don't see how ethics enter into this. It's not as if WATSTORE is a racial slur or a memorial to some atrocity. %% Of all the directories in all the filesystems in all the world, she had to walk into freecell. %% Mise en place de la messagerie du M88 : Conception, rialisation, optimisation et intigration de la couche communication d'un systhme multiprocesseur embarqui avec des contraintes de performances serries. Environnement : C, Microtek, VAX/VMS, PALAS, MACH, SADT, XRAY, RTC, 68020, NWIS. interesting. %% Isn't it weird when you are about to add a rumor, and that rumor appears? %% "The brains of babies, when they are born, are basically good for nothing except sucking." -- gdf's ling 200 prof %% Feet of Clay %% eth0: Media 10baseT has link beat, 88c0. %% I hate rumors with embedded ^Ls almost as much as Meaningless Garbage. %% Gumby, Gumby, Gumby, I made you out of clay. %% date, gage height, discharge 1983 3 2 5:15:0,2.51, %% I want to get a USGS t-shirt. It would be cool. I could put it on my dog. %% We need more rumors! %% "If I'm gonna die for a word, that word is 'root'." %% "If I'm going to die from a word, that word is 'WATSTORE'." %% Do the Martian Dance. %% Bananas in Pajamas? %% Bryan Kieft will be the death of you A[4~[4~€€ %% %% Bryan Keift will be the death of you all! %% Bryan Kieft will be the death of you all! %% Jared provides *GOGO* for the *DANCING* %% Your head is so small you only hit a 'u'! %% %% I've got my mind on my money and my money on my mind %% "I can never tell if that's a rumor or not! No, that's a segfault." %% I find it scary that fvwm2 supports the M$ 'menu' key. %% Oops. Xemacs supports the 'menu' key. I feel much better. %% C++ (doubleplusC): More proof that Stroustrup is totalitarian. %% DRS: Distributed Rumor Server or Data Retrieval System? %% So we're going to send the back-end to Russia for a month? %% Step in a pig? %% You may regulate the sodium level by simply using less of the seasoning packet. %% I rather dislike it when people misquote Clerics. %% That was a rumor about pants. %% That was a rumor about a rumor about pants. %% rm Bob Dole, with 54 rumors. %% Leprechaun = kender? %% Kender fun!!!!! %% Well, we have now officially passed the FoD rumors - 431 to 427. (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/public_html/swr_mod_docs/ > rumor -c 1444 %% Attachment (from the Web) %% Feed the Rush %% Colon cancer! %% Hitler! %% Kevin Oberg bears a striking resemblance to Obi-Wan Kenobi %% You're darker than a freaking goth! %% /join #aol Type now for a special suprise! %% Roses are Fred Violets are Fred Everything is Fred My eyes are bleeding! %% Your patch is in the "please rape me" category and should be refused. %% YOU MUST REGISTER TO ATTEND. DO IT AT THE WEBSITE %% A pool-like voice says, "Bounce." %% Who put up the rumor about Brian Kieft?! %% "Terabyte" is distinctive from "Terrabytes," despite how cheesy the name might be. Nevertheless, there are over 200 matches for "Terrabytes" on Altavista, some being links to actual companies by that name, others by people who can't spell, and even others for youth soccer leagues. ... Youth soccer leagues? Wacky. %% THE VAN THAT CAME FROM MTV OFFICE IS A 1990 DODGE MINIVAN-VEHICLE #251973. SO FAR, WE HAVE NOT ASSIGNED ANYONE TO THAT VEHICLE. IF I DO NOT HERE OTHERWISE, THE VEHICLE IS YOURS. %% Take the perl purity test... http://www.perl.org/CPAN/misc/perl.purity.test %% "For crissake," said Danny, "I musta scored for the Immaculate Fix." %% *** Geoff is a deity of the small screen *** Geoff has been idle 1024 minutes %% No free tech support! %% There is no intention for trying to make the ps files hard to print. IN FACT IT IS AN EXTRA HELP PROVIDED BY THE TAS. %% A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, hero's rajahs, a coloratura, maps, snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a cat, a mane, paper, a Toyota, rep, a pen, a mat, a can, a tag, a banana bag again, or: a camel, a crepe,  pins, spam, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal, Panama! %% I like programs which recognize 'bye' but not 'exit'. %% MR ducks MR not ducks CDEDBD wings? MR ducks %% MRW MR not W CDEDBD login? MRW %% MR Deparducs MR not Deparducs CDEDBD nose? MR not Deparducs %% Suspended [4] 505 506 507 508 509 510 neat. %% The Kender hits! Your purse feels light as a feather. %% doinet... is that like DUInet? %% You want to be the man, but before you can be the man, you've got to be the man.And Chewbaca is the man. %% "I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!" "Swallow this." %% "This is the best meeting ever!" --ZCM %% "The moment you don't respect the prime is the moment it kills you." --GTR %% "Watch out my friend: Gnome Boy Cometh." --ZCM %% In one thousand years, there won't be any men or women, only wankers. %% In the future, all people are wankers. %% SURGE!!! %% "We made fun of h2o for that." "What, running a porn server?" %% P(2B || !(2B)) = T %% So please, a little respect, for I am: Costansa, Lord of the Idiots. %% "ALF pogs! You remember ALF, doen't you?" %% "Naw, I gotta' keep the window open. It's my roomate; he smells so bad I'd lidie or something." --JDW's roomate. . %% Pablo Honey? %% We take data that, in some cases, people have risked their lives for, and store it in the electronic equivalent of a shoebox. -Ken Lanfear %% "And that is why evil will always triumph. Because good is Dumb!" %% Lists of lists are better, but lists of lists are easier to implement. %% I may not be able to beat you up, I may not even be able to keep you from beating me up. But there is a woman with stubble who would walk through the fire for me, and she could KICK YOUR ASS. %% "Imagine if you will The Perfect World... A world where we all live in peace, together...No money...we all work together to make society work...A society of friends, of comrades, of lovers, and of world wide harmony! No poverty, no greed, no deprecation. This is the perfect world...many have agreed with me Karl Marx for one Think About it...." -The Commie, Babbel Book 6.0 %% "Liberals feel unworthy of their possesions; Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen." -Mort Sahl %% "The early worm gets caught" -The Procrastinators Manifesto %% "Black holes are where God divided by zero!" -- Gerald J. Jurrens N2GJ %% "Humans are not pigs; they'll eat anything" -Matt Groenig %% "The only difference between myself and a madman is that I am not mad." -Salvador Dali %% **** * * * * * TUIT * * * * * **** "This is an indispensible item for everyone. Most of us have often said, "I'll do it as soon as I get a "round tuit." Well, here is a "round tuit." Cut it out. Keep it handy, and you'll have no more trouble getting all those extras done, for you'll have finally gotten a "round tuit." -excerpt from "Building English Skills:Blue Level" %% Violence sometimes may have cleared away obstructions quickly, but it never has proven itself creative. (Einstein) %% Is that a movie about gay people and I didn't realize it, or did they just really like it? %% Jen Gable told us that she needed to make her Kender more Kenderish. %% He was the mean hacker, as opposed to the nice hackers, who were cute and fuzzy. %% it hurts you too %% meaningless garbage is the spice of life... %% I've got a tab of blotter squirrel. %% My love for you is like a truck, addrumor. Would you like some making fuck, addrumor? %% Fables of the Reconstruction! %% I know! %% meaningful garbage %% Area 51 at location 2515, collected 24 FS words. %% meaningful discussion %% These aren't the droids you're looking for. %% Hm. I got 0 hours of sleep, but now I have a paper about a fox. %% The first in a series of movies on volcanoes erupted on the screen last weekend. %% "Nice game....you suck!" %% "It's Saturday night. 7:10 pm. Oatmeal time." -Marisela %% You don't have to bribe me to use my machine. %% Friends don't let friends drink and compute. %% AUTHOR FvwmCpp is the result of a random bit mutation on a hard disk, presumably a result of a cosmic-ray or some such thing. %% I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control %% "Time is distributed through a hierarchy of NTP servers" So there was no time before NTP? %% grep: useless: Is a directory %% I love watching cheese melt. -Marisela %% F77 Prime's extended version of FORTRAN 77. The F77 language conforms fully to ANSI X3.9-1978. - Fortran 77 Reference Guide %% The PRIMOS EDITOR and EMACS text editing utilities produce and expect SAM files of formatted, variable-length records. A file created with these attributes by an F77 program may be edited freely. Wow. Emacs is as old as I am. %% I'm running on three hours of sleep and a full pot of coffee -gdf %% And it's your hard, It's your hard, It's your hard disk 'sgonna crash. %% "Please, please take my money!" %% THIS MESSAGE FOR THOSE WHO COMPLETE TRAVEL VOUCHERS IN TRAVMAN!! %% Tired of winter? Check out summertime on our Antarctica Stream Hydrology pages! Definitely a "cool site!" %% the wwwdilurb DNR table is very out of date and silly %% THIS MESSAGE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT VALID. %% THIS RUMOR IS OBVIOUSLY NOT VALID. %% Deuterium? That's horrible! %% The Zagreb daily Vecernji List said on Wednesday the three high school students, surfing the Internet on their home computer, applied a search program and deciphered codes, barging into the database of several U.S. military installations. %% /me laughs. Oh, wait. This isn't IRC. Damn. %% I wonder. Could we spell my name with Greg's rumor graph, if we tried really, really hard? %% "Are you okay?" "No, man, I'm pretty fucking far from okay." %% Linux computers use LILO. %% GOBLIN is not cool. %% Penile traume?!?! I'm agog... %% "If you push that goddam button one more time I'll beat you untill you're too uglly for radio!" %% %% Ultima computers play IOLO. %% Is GOBLIN anything like SPIDER? %% Du Page finally has internet access (at least that's the rumour). %% Stan, remember the warez when you were three? %% "What's in the box?" "A spool of yellowish polypropylene rope." %% "What's in the box?" "Straws, but if you move the box you might find pain." %% Look at what the guys who blow glass gave me: a glass dick. %% In the future, all web pages are recursively enumerable. %% What's more important, the seven dollars or your sanity? %% an exclamation point is nothing but a question mark in a gaseous state %% An exclamation point is nothing but a question mark in a gaseous state. %% Tachyon computing - done before it's implemented. %% Death was walking into Altgeld last night. %% * Brak hates rumors why do you hate rumors? 'cause they're not funnty or funny %% catenate is an obscure word meaning "to connect in a series", which is what the "cat" command does to one or more files. Not to be confused with C/A/T, the Computer Aided Typesetter. %% My ear sounds like it is purring. %% Too many monkeys and no baby typewriters. %% "Leaving Las Vegas"... is that like "Escape From L.A."? %% There's like 40 fifths of alcohols. Wow, that makes 8. %% I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. That's ok, I wasn't saying anything important. %% %% %% "This is just like the Riviera in '67!" "Yeah, except now I don't have my own teeth!" %% High school could have been all about Warez. %% Espresso Royale %% Jungle Boogie %% They were MUDders and proto-hacker globules. %% Well, of course I didn't go to the security workshop, I needed to drink. %% Let me work up a sweat and you can lick my forehead. %% go to sleep and dream of warez, because it's as close as you will get to warez poor lame d00d %% (Do you need to predeclare if?) %% YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got *SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is *MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT* %% YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got *SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM* YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is *MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT* %% OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha *HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE* YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be GOING, off to save all your friends? To be TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you *WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK* %% Now Han, a statue, is a good sight I'm glad, that Vader, used carbonite He's not, asleep, he's stuck in a dream. I like, his face-perpetual scream! %% Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine he gives me my life for free And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt or the rancor will have us for tea. He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!" as he stuffed a frog into his face but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid So we'll smile and nod, just in case. %% YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I *MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY* YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say *WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT* %% Come the moron and your windshield is wet with dew and gimpy with road dirt -- use ME instead of the trowel. %% Sam sat on the ground and put his head in his hands. 'I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more magic,' he said, and fell silent. This rumor sucks. %% "I don't care who you are, Fatso. Just get those reindeer off my roof." %% "Shaq is not the man. He's the man because the NBA wants him to be the man, but before you can be the man, you've got to be the man." -- Dennis Rodman %% Lando Calrisian: "Boba Fett, is it true that that gun of yours only works when it's aimed at someones back?" Boba Fett: "Take a good look at this helmet. It's the last thing you'll ever see." %% 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr -- Core dumped %% A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust. %% A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat." The architect did not agree. He said, "But if you look at the Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of that, the Garden and the world were created. So God must have been an architect." The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?" %% A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -- Ogden Nash %% A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. %% A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire %% A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God %% And as we stand on the edge of darkness Let our chant fill the void That others may know In the land of the night The ship of the sun Is drawn by The grateful dead. -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead" ca. 4000 BC. %% Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence. -- Time Bandits %% Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein %% If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. %% Famous last words: "If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop." %% I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. -- J. Edgar Hoover %% Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. -- The Brigader, from Dr. Who %% Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. %% The heart, the liver, the spleen, the pancreas. All these miraculous organs work in _total_darkness_! %% He has been known by many names; the Prince of Lies, the Director, Lucifer, Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him "Dude". %% We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. %% "Well Walter, I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street" - Neil Armstrong %% Being weird isn't enough. %% Rejectred again, that's OK. I'm used to that. %% Rejectred again, that's OK. I'm used to that. %% Rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with your plastic forks. %% Hey, the costumes are having their own party. Far out! %% Yay! I got married to Catherine H. Icken! %% http://www.spacetime.org/~jchrist/ %% Cat scratch fever. %% Big Lots is the Pico of superstores. %% "That is not the point, quite. The point is that I am now a perfectly safe web page and my companion is rapidly running out of links." %% We're rapidly approaching the 20th century of rumors. %% Yay! Five bytes per second? %% Elvis eats boats. %% rumor -f cat. Go ahead. I dare ya. %% Don't hate me because I'm Latvian. %% The data listed in the table for 05547500 Fox Lake near Lake Villa has a date of 08/22/1997. I know we can do a lot of amazing things with the web, but I suspect that if we continue to provide six-month stage forecasts the national weather service will protest because we are taking over their mission. :) %% oppression sucks, ego sucks, but we should all have big egos anyway because I am roger waters and I SUCK %% xbiff -file /usr/local/libdata/rumor/usgs.rumor %% Forgive me, but this rumor exists only to test xbiff. %% poke %% ...I may override your decision if I don't like it... %% In the future there may be no temporary file at all, just a pipe. %% "calliope--is that machine named after the muse, the instrument, the missile artillery, or the character on general hospital?" %% Ah! This can be a noteworthy time to place taskmstr in a more prudent place. %% make sure you kill all the little children too Why the heck have I been seing this rumor so much recently? %% It's a pity he didn't kill that wretched creature when he had the chance. Pity? Was it pity that stayed his blade? %% In Mexico, everything costs seven dollars. %% Your article's newsgroup: usgs.test Praktice newsgroup for novice news poasters. %% HMatt decimates anything: $.25 %% Can you make Kamut 'n Honey a leibniz rumor? %% Alpha Linux computers use MILO. %% Was MILO the cat in Milo and Otis? %% Sparc Linux computers use SILO. %% Yesterday (Wednesday May 6) a young TI calculator wandered away from its daddy. It visited the small and large conference rooms (two of its daddy remote offices), but it most have decided to see more of the world. It you notice an sad, scared, orphaned calculator around the office, please return it to its daddy. %% Portability, cross-platform usability? A true Microsoft user desires not these things. %% how about /on public "leibniz" kick %% function precmd () rumor %% There's BRE washed up on the shore? %% There's SRE washed up on the shore? %% There's Earth: 2025 washed up on the shore? %% Vik defense! %% rm: too few arguments Try `rm --help' for more information. %% Beat The Watermelon! %% Cats are plasma bags. %% Semicolon dancer! %% "HAL was probably not considered the nicest guy in the world, but everybody deserves a birthday party. I think he'd probably enjoy it," said chief Cyberfest organizer Carol Menaker, UI director of communications. %% The price is wrong, bitch! %% You realise, if I could see myself, I'd have to kick my own ass. %% You will drink the black sperm of my vengance. Thank you Roger Ebert. %% cootys rat semen %% keep on ftp'ing in the Warez world. %% Let's work together to meet these three goals: Every 8-year-old must be able to read; every 12-year-old must be able to log on to the Internet; every 18-year-old must be able to go to college; and every adult American must be able to keep on learning for a lifetime. (Applause.) %% in the future all twelve year olds have access to a large thing that is full of warez %% Now my life is as good as an ABBA song! %% "Do you have any action words?" "We prefer to call them 'verbs'." %% Dancing Queen! %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% Why didn't the studebaker survive as a major brand of car? %% bean? dammit, somebody's been messing with rumor again. %% smack something, or something. %% be sure to kill all the little rabbits %% "It's spring! Let's differentiate a dot product!" -- S. Alexander %% "I don't like the idea of someone including my delimiter in their data." --jlg %% ~Yes LORD VADER \Why is July the most dangerous month? ~Yes LORD VADER It's a Matt thing, you wouldn't understand. ~Yes LORD VADER Why is July the most dangerous month? whoa. %% query %% symbolism %% Isn't sanity just a one trick pony, anyways? All you get is one trick--rational thinking. But when you're good and crazy, the sky's the limit! -- The Tick %% The USGS Computer Student Office - where it's always 2:51. %% (Ŋ`·.(Ŋ`·.!Ą!BOSnet: Voted The MOST EXTREME Internet Provider!Ą!.·īŊ).·īŊ) Get Extreme `Net Toolz here! %% "What's that thing?" "You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!" "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen!" %% "Hi, I'm Satan. Enjoy the film." %% "'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'! Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being molten?" --- Tom Servo (#1), "Commando Cody" %% "'Women of The Prehistoric Planet'?! My sister had to watch this in Junior High. All the boys had to go in the gym." --- Joel, "Women of The Prehistoric Planet" %% Joel: "Aw, I saw a wire. That wrecks everything." Tom: "You mean this is fake?" --- "Gamera vs. Barugon" %% "Cheese it, it's an entire race of mimes! We gotta get back and warn Earth!" --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M" %% "I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying!" --- Joel "Do not try to adjust your set. We will control what is boring." --- Crow, "Rocket Attack USA" %% "How much Keeffe is in this movie?" --- Joel "Miles O'Keeffe!" --- Tom, "Cave Dwellers" %% Narrator: "There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics." Tom Servo: "Oops." --- Monster A-Go-Go %% %% If anyone needs me, I'll be scrolling some text. %% "Whaddya mean, no matches to my query?" -mrw "Query this!" -akb %% A voice resembling that of a machine that can only be on or off says, "Boole." %% He who controls Kamut controls the universe. %% Sad, isn't it? %% give me insight between black and white... %% style? %% someday, every word will be contained in a rumor. and after that, every possible sentence. and after that, every possible human thought. when alien species attempt to discover the nature of human thought, they can scan the rumor file for a day or three. %% The Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire. %% Sparks&Smoke %% Sparks&Sake %% Clerks" %% Unmatched ". %% Comprehensive? Ha! %% I've figured it out. I'll only donate my body for medical research if they pay me by the pound. * mrw laughs Matt, your mother isn't laughing. No, she's doing the math. %% "It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position." -- John Hogan, Commonwealth Edison Supervisor of News Information, responding to a charge by a Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector that two Dresden Nuclear Plant operators were sleeping on the job. %% "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC %% "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." -- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane. %% "I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted." -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries. %% "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector." -- Knight Ridder News Service dispatch %% Some days are better than others. %% June, well, June is sort of a silly month, so it's bad, too. %% Its a shame us Jews don't have colors associated with our prophets. %% Licking River at McKinneysburg Streamflow Gage and the National Network %% Cat. %% Cat. %% No, cut it into 6 pieces. I can't eat 8. %% I got my travel check! Yaay! %% I could win a top of the line Macintosh system; don't look at me like that. %% "I have to wash my toe pieces, father." %% We gotta see the patriotic snake! %% I have to have gestures...if I had to stop, I'd hemmorage and fall down. %% ...with the blinking pants and the live ocelot on his head... %% Rain, rain, come and stay, so Schemer can make a fortune selling umbrellas. %% as to paddy wagons, isn't it ironic that _large_ percentages of the NY and chicago police forces are now cops. -zcm %% Jan Doughman! Yaay! %% *mcpeek* %% Warning: Color name "raye65" is not defined %% There's ECE 205 washed up on the shore? %% I love ntpdate--if your computer is more than 10 minutes behind, your screen saver starts up. %% Crystal Lite killed George Herbert Walker Bush %% Oscar Cwajbaum Senior Unix Administrator Support IS Web Developer BDC Campus Systems Support %% I think I'll start doing drugs. %% Microsoft Internet Exploder %% Well, that's important for my sanity. sani-what? %% Rumor: the PIM %% 708-251-5048...damn... %% "If the dean doesn't let me drop this class, I'm gonna take a high-powered rifle to Altgeld Hall and start shooting people on the quad." -- Tony Sintes %% Dammit, who turned it into "bean"? %% whack: command not found %% "Hank tormented the last man I dated. He made fun of the fact that he was on parole, he made fun of how poorly he held his liquor, and he made fun of his Pinto." -- Meryl Streep, "Marvin's Room" %% Please enter your name: %% ls: *: No such file or directory %% Love in an Elevator! %% drat %% These were the reasons why asexual reproduction is better, sometimes. 1) In a stable, unchanging environment, sex is a waste. 2) To produce clones 3) Its cheaper %% %% NAME crond - cron daemon (Dillon's Cron) AUTHOR Matthew Dillon (dillon@apollo.west.oic.com) %% I was hot and I was hungry. %% I really think the world needed to know that Joe Norris stayed in the Fairfield Inn in Peoria on February 26. %% Peating is for the benefit of the earth, not your fire. %% I keep forgetting that's a doorbell and not a broken Mac. %% Gnats go like this, and so does Ryan Pierce. %% It's amazing to have a free Geoff, and I can't think of what to do with it. %% meaningless garbage collection %% Hey, dude, don't misquote The Spirit of Christmas in front of g0ff. %% Software should never create or require special files or subdirectories in the root directory. The Linux filesystem structure provides more than enough flexibility for any package. Any package that does occupy a directory under the root of the filesystem suffers from sheer arrogance. %% I saw a cat next to Europa house! --Arun %% We need rumor -f -c. Anybody want the job? %% Spring break was such a bleak time for new rumors. %% In the future, all bits are sticky. %% The Studebaker didn't survive because the bears inside always ate the driver. %% g0ff decimals anything: $0.25 %% A message on the general voice mail box left by "a computer" at Circuit City indicated an order was ready for pick up at the store the order was placed. %% Hickory Dickory Dock, the cat went up the clock. The clock struck one, the cat fun a patting at the hangy thingy. %% C-A-Sh-up not defined. %% Oscar Cwajbaum Senior Unix Administrator Support IS Web Developer BDC Campus Systems Support and about five other jobs that you'd never want to have %% Close your eyes. I want you to imagine me. Not as I am, or as I was. But as I will be. %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% Let's try to avoid putting blank lines into rumors, please. This, from the person who gave us the "rumor monster"? %% MRW MR not W OSAR. CDEDBD eyes? MRW. %% "I'm gonna add a rumor about RCS. Check it out." -mrw %% ci co /home/gdfast/cheese/gdf: > rm -rf /tmp * co RCS/* RCS REALLY Rocks. %% Check it out. A rumor about RCS. %% You run "encap", and it deletes anything that shouldn't be there. And then it creates everything that should be there. And if nobody did anything stupid, everything will be okay. -Greg on encap %% "Amiga is huge in Germany." -zcmiller %% I want to run chroot on my brain. %% "You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy." -- Charles Manson %% In a thousand years, there will be no men and women, just wankers, and that's fine by me. %% In the future, all quotes are misquoted. %% When was the last time YOU added a rumor? %% I'm not sure I like the 'tone' of your email. %% THAT WAS BOMB THREAT MANAGEMENT, NOT BOMB STRESS (ALTHOUGH A BOMB THREAT CAN BE STRESSFULL). %% DEBBIE ADOLPHSON WILL PRESENT A VIDEO TAPE ON BOMB STRESS MANAGEMENT %% # Makefile generated by imake - do not edit! %% Espresso Royale With Cheese %% SORRY ABOUT THE NAME AND DATE CONFUSION. I NEED A VACATION. SO OFF TO THE CAM-OR SUPERFUND SITE I GO -- I GET TO OVERSEE WELL DRILLING IN LEVEL B PROTECTION (SUPPLIED AIR), WHAT FUN! THE NAME OF THE PRESENTATION WAS INDEED "BOMB STRESS MANAGEMENT". ALSO THE DATE IS WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9 @ NOON %% "Thank God you remind me of all the shit I've done, or else I would think that I'm a rational, well-balanced human being." -- jason bell %% Source Motel (by CVS): Code checks in, but it doesn't check out. %% Cooper: "Who's the lady with the hairy ass?" Truman: "We call her...me!" %% We've just crossed the Event Horizon Event Horizon. %% The RFCs are not what they seem. %% I hate it when my bombs get all stressed. %% # God hates the sin, not the sinner # the devil hates everyone %% cooking on the web would be dumb it would be like "click on the ingredients, now drop it to the pot" and then a new browser would launch and display a random piece of furniture and say "oh no! you messed up and accidentally cooked up a KITCHEN SINK. ha ha!" %% There's never a wrong context for WAREZ %% Speaking at last month's Defense Department Software Technology Conference, Engle related a tale of an engineer, a mathematician and a software engineer who were arguing about who had the oldest profession. "In the beginning, God said, 'Let there be light,' '' the electrical engineer said. "You need an electrical engineer to do that, so I have the oldest profession.'' The mathematician also cited the Bible, pointing out that God created order out of chaos. "That's what a mathematician does, so I have the oldest profession,'' the mathematician said. The software engineer laughed at his companions. "Why are you laughing?'' the mathematician asked. "Well, you just proved my point,'' the software engineer said. "Who do you think created that chaos to begin with?'' %% I sent Ernie Dreyer an STD -Arun Bhalla %% I hate it when you pull off a hangnail and it goes all the way to your elbow. %% To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow. %% Ah! This can be a noteworthy time to place hamster in a more prudent place. %% Hier beginnt die Wanderung der Hamster. %% I have the power of the opposable thumb! %% woah, yoda wears jammies jammies have yoda's on them infinite regress... %% I guess that the shit is the base case that stops the infinite yoda regress somewhere down at the bottom of the yoda jammie chain there are jammies with yodas whose jammies have only shit. %% Whats in the box? Life. Or would you like to buy something? %% RAIN PLAIN SPAIN RAIN PLAIN SPAIN -grudgle the weather man %% WINK WINK WINK -grudgle the actor %% *SMASH* -grudgle losing at RollyPollyRoulette %% Groogroo::Groogroo() %% Wait, is that really the problem here? You're worried about job security since anyone can run a server on a Mac and not have to pay a CS grad oodles of bucks to do it? C'mon Matt, you'll always have a job here at the Survey, working for Ken Lanfear and others...Hey we need somebody to write NWIS-3! I think that will be ported to NT 3.0 running on low-bid wintels! from gateway! can you spell Oracle? -George Groschen %% Oh, by the way, I'm on top of the CR-10 problems, eh? -akb %% BackRub is a "web crawler" which is designed to traverse the web. %% In the future, all programs are security holes. %% Why is tac four times the size of cat? %% The following warning was sent to me by Mike Friedel. Many of you have already read it, but I felt everyone should have the opportunity to. Thanks Debbie [snip of Kidney Harvesting Crime Ring Urban Legen] "Engage brain before opening mouth." %% "You know when you are not embarrased yet, but you've got a taste of tommorows embarrasment? -Jerry Maguire %% "A real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie off a single mother." %% -- Dan Wellman http://www.uiuc.edu/ph/www/wellman Email: wellman@uiuc.edu Objects in mirror are baked, not fried. %% /etcYes LORD VADERmore rmtab No. /etcYes LORD VADER %% #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9, #9... /etcYes LORD VADERmroe fstab CORRECT>more fstab (y|n|e|a)? yes /dev/hda3 swap swap defaults 1 1 /dev/hda1 / ext2 defaults 1 1 /dev/hda2 /var ext2 defaults 1 1 /dev/hda5 /usr ext2 defaults 1 1 /dev/hda6 /home ext2 defaults 1 1 /dev/hda7 /usr/local ext2 defaults 1 1 none /proc proc defaults 1 1 calliope:/usr/local/src/dist /usr/local/src/dist nfs defaults 1 1 Pkunk! Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk, Pkunk. Pkunk! /etcYes LORD VADER %% No, Keebler the Satan manufacturers. %% Type rumor -f and get fired! %% Matt Williams has never done anything productive when I was watching. -mrw %% Hey, look! A girl in a bikini. Oh wait, that's just a pigeon. %% We should name our next computer Obi. %% we should name our next machine gratuitously-long-catname.er.usgs.gov %% mrw@leibniz 04/08/97 11:50PM 149> echo `rumor` in bed He has his contradicting views She has her cyclothymic moods They make a study i n dispair Three of a perfect pair in bed %% ctrl-Y process suspended... what the? %% "Attention RUSH, this is the rip off police, stop ripping off Led Zeppelin." %% The germans actually have a phrase for "strong cheeze" %% Curiously, "eat flaming death" isn't really a defence in debt court. I know of at least one person who still thought it was on 4/8/97 %% /usr/local/encap/task-1.0/techsupportYes LORD VADERcd mhayward "What's in the box?" "Rain." /usr/local/encap/task-1.0/techsupport/mhaywardYes LORD VADERls "What's in the box?" "Cain." /usr/local/encap/task-1.0/techsupport/mhaywardYes LORD VADERcd .. %% In my last letter the subjust line; Re: Your dick usage. Should be; Re: Your disk usage. Please make appropriate corrections. %% Your Prompt has the Rumor Virus! %% Ritual Suicide: Moving from C to F77 %% The rumor growth rate is pathetic. ADD A RUMOR! %% when was the last time YOU added a rumor? %% The subject document is attached for your information and retention, as appropriate. %% I love waiting for processes to finish... %% The rumor is a curious thing. %% It's a hell of a cracker who sniffs his own password. %% So far, business has been slow at "Sticky Note City" %% www.thesaint.com %% If you ever feel so low that you have to abuse or murder a child, then you *HAVE* to kill yourself. You've gotta put your head in the strike zone and take one for the team. -Dennis Miller %% Drum and Fife? %% Big Lucky and his Mighty Men of Sound %% You know, the rumor file is getting up around the 2000 mark. %% You guys wanna kick my dog while you're here? %% I'll be in bed, d00d. You'll be in bed with a d00d? Nope...just my monkeys! with monkeys, who needs dudez? %% being a dick on irc is being a dick but its not the same level of dickiness of real life dick %% "Do you have any last words?" "Calabash." %% - My wife is incredibly immature. Tell me if you don't think this is immature - she'll come into the bathroom when I'm in the tub, just barge right in, sink all of my boats... %% According to Reuters, Japan's Mitsubishi Electric plans to manufacture a color television set which an also be used to surf the Internet. The set will allow users to watch television programs, exchange e-mail and browse the web via the TV's built-in 32-bit CPU, WWW browser and modem. Given the state of today's browser technology, this also means for the first time that users will be able to crash their television sets. %% A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful. %% If a travelling salesman starts in Houston, visits every city in the United States just once, and ends up where he started, has he completed a Houston Euler Circuit? %% I woke up in the morning, put on my shirt, and a button fell off. Then I went to pick up by brief case and the handle fell off.... I was afraid to go to the bathroom. %% He who lives in a glass house should not invite in he who is without sin. %% "Grad school is the snooze button on the alarm clock of life." %% of all the books on tape, I think that "Where's Waldo" is my favorite.... %% Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital room. One leans over to the other and say what are you in here for. The other says "circumsision". The first boy says "Oh, I had that done right after I was born .... I couldn't walk for a year." %% One snake to another: -- Listen, are we poisonous? -- Yeah, very poisonous, why are you asking? -- Bummer... I bit my tongue. %% I just joined a support group called White Guys Without Girlfriends. Well, actually, I went to a hockey game. %% I know who you are... Your one of those TREKKIES, aren't you! %% Hiroshima '45 Tschernobyl '86 Windows '95 %% A 315 Apr 9 Joe Zalabak (911) HELP! %% You have new mail. %% Any time you detect a non-human gas smell in the bathrooms, pour a bucket of water into the floor drain. %% *** spoohw (kcsmith@dynamic.isdn.uiuc.edu) has joined channel #gage * spoohw eats groogroo %% Detaching Queen! %% MEoW? MEoW! MEoW! MEoW!MEeeeeeeeeeoooooW! %% 251 bottles of beer on the wall %% please try to keep in mind in the future that you're not the only one who uses that computer, so that i don't have to bitch and complain like terri arnold. %% Viking A Go-Go %% In the future, all rumors include Matt's prompt. %% In the future, all clerks are misquoted. %% echo "In the future, "`rumor` %% Sun Apr 13 03:19:39 CDT 1997 %% refile +misc/psycho_coworkers/terri %% mrw: Sun Apr 13 3:19:39 1997 mrw: Sun Apr 13 03:19:39 CDT 1997. %% Why do I find the song "I Touch Myself" so entertaining? %% Hello, my name is Winston Zeddmore. 2+2=251 %% There are many mysteries in life, chum. Like, why do clowns make us laugh? Why do we love puppy dogs? And why do midgets hit me with fish? --The Tick %% Who's on first? No, who's on second? No, who's on MEoW? Oh, Baxter's on MEoW! %% I'm obsessed with yo-yos. I am a yo-yo. %% Shy is like... ...a box of chocolates? -Lorah and g0ff %% *Frag40!misha@par0140.urh.uiuc.edu* Yeah. Leibniz rumors rule. The rest suck. %% I'm going to mount my laptop on this foot so I can have a tower laptop. -zcm %% If you type 'fg' and get a prompt that has a pound in it, that should be a pretty big clue that it's not the 'fg' that you're looking for. -- zcm %% While you're down there... %% Elvis eats text. %% zarf (from OED) za:rf, zurf z3:rf. Etymology: Arab. zarf vessel. A cup-shaped holder for a hot coffee-cup, used in the Levant, usually of metal and of ornamental design. %% It doesn't make any different what desert. It's completely hypothetical. %% You make up these rumors, g0ff, or do they write them down for you? %% No scribblies! %% The green-tinted jewel box is a registered trademark of Rykodisc. %% Kill yourself then... %% Scary thoughts! %% Boo! %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% Please wait...meaningless garbage collection... %% "so I copied his .fvwmrc,..." "...and modified it, played with it a little?" "Yeah, how did you know that?" "I'm psychotic." -Lorah McArdle and mrw %% DON'T YOU LOVE E-MAIL IN ALL CAPS? %% ME TOO. PLEASE ADD ME TO YOUR LIST. %% wc3i; mweio;qwoqcv iom\ eqr ortmw qoeqiewo m'qwe werq cmqwe ciwe cimoipwe r weqwo erqwioeio pqweiowq e Spot, get off the console. %% We're in the twentieth century of rumors! %% Sivitri...Calliope...Mr-Fu...Muffin...Ginger...? %% Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot". %% bash: your_mother_in_the_head: command not found %% I think therefore I am, I destroy therefore I endure." IG-88 %% conclusion: foo is faster. %% Babette's Feast! %% Seven Gothic Tales! %% "And so everyone said...oh, so you're mrw!" "I'll bet that's the first time someone said that and didn't want to kill you." --Arun %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% You have had that trenchcoat and the girlfriend for approximately the same length of time, haven't you? %% can't open /usr/local/libdata/rumor/usgs.rumor (Permission denied) %% Okay, so it wasn't. %% Don't let the Man get you down. %% "feliz culpa"? the cat's fault?? %% Chairs! %% Fire? I thought we were going to get a kitty-cat off a roof. %% Gee! He bowls pretty good for a little blue weirdo. %% You've been out of IMSA for four years now. Why do you still use coke? %% Is there a hickey story involving Jared? Oh, plenty. %% Pentiums? How primitive. %% You're good husband material, you know. %% I'm a slacker, I'm a hacker, I'm a midnight cracker, Do my coding on the run... %% "[The toilet's] principal problem arose out of the difficulty of conclusive testing in zero g. The zero-g condition could be maintained for only about 30 seconds in the KC-135... Urination could be... simulated by mechanical devices... but defecation could not be... Test subjects who could perform on cue were needed. The Huntsville program office was able to find a few people with this talent, and in November, 1969, two days of aircraft testing produced nine good `data points'..." -- "Living and Working in Space", NASA SP-4208 %% I love 15 meg cores. %% X c(onstituent)-commands Y if and only if the first branching node dominating X also dominates Y and neither X nor Y dominates the other one. %% So the question is: Is it something that's not there, or nothing that is there? %% It's the question of zero-affixes -- whether they exist or not. For instance, the plural of sheep is sheep. Some people will say that the plural suffix for this word is simply a null suffix. Others will say that there simply isn't any suffix there at all -- leading to the question above. %% I could be Superman if only I had the right underwear! %% What's it do? I don't care! %% The clue phone rang and she picked it up. %% Handin is fixed, and the reason it was broken is because DOS sucks. %% Your studio isn't very efficient. %% *** Scoring can now be performed with logical operators like `and', `or', `not', and parent redirection. %% Baby who shot me? No, your other daughter. %% Wow! He went from stinking rich to just plain stinking! %% Ain't that cute? It makes Little Debbie look like a pile of puke. %% Boiled-egg is a mode-less input method running on Egg. For Canna, canna.el has a tiny boiled-egg like command, (canna-boil), and there are some boiled-egg like utilities. %% One snake to another: -- Hey brother, don't eat him. Dirk here is our ticket to fame and fortune. %% Your cooking: Mmmm-mmm good, or tastes like wood? - MTV's Singled Out %% Degaussers: Formally - media preparation tool.Informally - evidence removal and revenge. %% MAIN POINTS: Past methods used to identify possible teams were the 1994 "Dinosaur hunt", and the internal survey. The WEB committee will be resurrected to act as an informal team to develop/improve our District's WEB page. Other teams are to be discussed later. %% People add rumors in streaks. %% Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, I wish you'd go away. %% checking socket implementation - you are normal %% /* * As error messages are mostly meaningless to the user, we * try to throw out phrases that are somewhat more familiar * to ...well, at least familiar to us NetHack players. */ %% "I shouldn't attempt to understand Emacs internals and converse with g0ff, as both are infinitely complex." -mrw %% Groogroo Mode! %% How about those new M-x rumor commands? %% From the Trouble Shooting section of the Monty Python and The Holy Grail video game instruction booklet: Problem: MY COMPUTER IS COVERED WITH INSECTS!!! Solution: You are witnessing the birth of the New Insect Millenium, in which katydids will rule the earth. There is no solution. Our epoch has come to an end. %% "I love X. I just pasted 178K using the X cut buffer." "Into addrumor, I hope?" -gtr and mrw %% bigbong.com %% Death in a jar. Frame in the Boneyard. %% If the most efficient way takes an infinite amount of time, then it's not very efficient. God doesn't have interns, so he makes the monkeys do that kinda grunt work. %% In a thousand deaths, there will be no Yueh, only rumors, and thats not enough for me. %% Because July August September. %% Time is an enourmous long river, and I am standing in it. %% Is this tomorrow or is it just the end of time. %% I am a folk singer this is a folk music organization you are ostensibly the folk that means we own this song together right we have therefore encurred certain social obligations which we will faithfully discharge right we're gonna sing this damn song together boring or not right %% Isn't it weird when you are about to add a rumor, and the rumor "Isn't it weird when you are about to add a rumor, and that rumor appears?" appears? %% Isn't it weird when you are about to add a rumor, and the rumor "'Isn't it weird when you are about to add a rumor, and that rumor appears?' appears?" appears? %% Unmatched "thrills". %% TUESDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY AT 8:30 IN ROOM 1102 DCL....BATTLE OF THE MONSTER OPERATING SYSTEMS!!! BE THERE!!!!! -Keith Garner %% Rumors to the left of them, rumors to the right of them... %% Beans! %% http://meow.isdn.uiuc.edu/~mrw/rumor/ %% M-x rumor M-x rumor-insert M-x rumor-add M-x rumor-count Copy them from my .emacs file! Yaay! %% hmmph I know exactly what I want to do, and when that's the case, vi is better. -g0ff %% dammit! I just hit enter about 50 times trying to get a prompt that had a 251-related rumor above the 2:51 in the prompt. And I didn't get one. And then, at 2:52, I get one. The rumor file is malicious. %% Quick! Think of a rumor to add! %% AAccess denied. Report to Dillinger. %% You cover all of relativity in 2 weeks. %% I think irc is dead. %% Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital room. One leans over to the ^^^ ^^^^ ^^^ It's gotta be 251! %% RRumors which start with repeated letters are cool. %% I'm a scatman! %% ON TUESDAY THE 22ND, I LOST MY BLACK LEATHER BACKPACK. IT FELL OFF TYHE BACK OF MY MOTORCYCLE SOMEWHERE ALONG GREEN STREE OR MATTIS AVE. IT HAD MY LAUNDRY IN IT, AND I NEED TO GET MY CLOTHES BACK. PLEASE CALL 359-1999 OR REPLY TO THIS ACCOUNT. REWARD!!! %% He's going to marry... a CHICKEN! %% The Moon is Waning Gibbous (99% of Full) %% He wants to quit his truck-driving job and become a massage therapist--but his rationale is that he wants to rub women all day long. %% "No! You can't take my precmd away!" -akb %% Rumor 1984 should be about George Orwell's 1984. %% Meowing is cool, but you sure can be sore the next morning! %% This isn't the fg you're looking for. %% MATTHEW: CDW offers $2.99 UPS group shipping on any order of $200 or less. %% Dammit. First, it's bean. Then, it's an entree. If I wanted a bean entree, I'D ASK FOR IT. %% We can now use the POP3 Protocol from Perl on Srv1! %% "Hey, rumor -f " "!" -akb %% The comments in the code are sparse, but strategically placed to provide the maximum benefit. %% -- Posting for All Replicants -- %% You can have my girl, but don't touch my hat. %% If this is a ship of fools... At least I'm the captin! %% It's unfortunate that the original Ethernet design used the word "collision" for this aspect of the Ethernet medium access control mechanism. If it had been called something else, such as "stochastic arbitration event (SAE)," then no one would worry about the occurrence of SAEs on an Ethernet. However, "collision" sounds like something bad has happened, leading many people to think that collisions are an indication of network failure. %% ``How much time has each of us spent tracking down some bug in a computer program, an electronic device, or a mathematical proof? At such times it may seem that a bug is at best a nuisance, at worst a disaster. Has it ever occured to you that bugs are manifestations of powerful strategies of creative thinking? That, perhaps, creating and removing bugs are _necessary_ steps in the normal process of solving a problem?'' %% You can't do that in space. I can do anything I want! I am the MASTER of TIME! - Space Moose and the Time Machine %% Damn. There are now more rumors then years since the birth of Christ. %% Adding a rumor has a keen effect on xcpustate! %% Is there a rumor 2000 error? %% Happiness is a warm duck. %% Dammit, those *Y*O*D*A* rumors come up entirely too often. %% Contents: Water, Caffeine %% Wow. CS 125 has GAGE as an MP. %% /home/gtraye/Mail/drafts/4: 2 lines, 51 characters. %% "Oh, here I thought you were working, and all you were doing was adding rumors." %% mrw@leibniz 04/24/97 2:14PM 259> rumor -f rumor | grep '%%' | wc -l 176 %% I love getting Christ in my animal crackers. %% Does scab mean scan? (y/n/e) %% Y01r 3N7rY 445 834N 4cc3p73d. Y0U mU57 83 c001 0r 50m3741N9. %% No blank whats in rumors? %% In the mood for offensive comics? Check out Space Moose: http://fourier.bme.med.ualberta.ca/~adam/space_moose.html %% We need menushell on the cat cluster. %% rumorbiff is leet! %% Well, can God do things infinitely efficiently? %% I can't wait until it's 2:51! %% It's time for the percolator. %% When he reads my code, he starts laughing. I'm not sure that's good. %% tcsh: No entry for terminal type "g0fftermn" tcsh: using dumb terminal settings. %% "I am the Elvis of Computers! (Der Elvis des Computers)" -zcm %% Jesus Christ loves all his children. As for the sinner ... there will be plenty of dogs waiting for him in hell. %% Ssss! Sssss! I'm a sea serpent! %% I'm very sorry, but a 3 hour video of you masturbating does not count as an honors thesis in film studies. %% Oh-oh. You've made the marmoset angry. %% In the future, all cron jobs are run at 2:51. %% "Poor" Paul is not taking this "heat" because of anything you said, it's because he's launched yet another personal attack on me. That it happened in the same thread as the discussion of your follow up is nothing more than coincidence. %% HMatt has a lame prompt. %% They should design cookies that don't have crumbs. %% no, I just hit they keyboard in frustration. oh, I've *never* done that. %% Yoda, Yoda, a thousand jammies are not enough for Yoda! %% No death for you, Lorah...only PANCAKES! %% It seems to me a review of the new code would have been a better use of Tom time. %% And then, we can set $BaseURL equal to "AHHHHHHHHH"! %% *** TanAdept has been idle 251 minutes %% I've got two turntables and a URL %% You know, it's not unusual to be loved by anyone. %% Another CPAC email!@@# %% Baked guy solves universe! %% "It's easy to make an easy problem into a hard problem." -Herbet Edlesbrunner %% I bet if my name was Luka people would beat me up too. %% "Hey, did you hear the one about the exception thrown in the middle of an autoloaded anonymous lexically scoped lvalue inline prototyped method call in a signal handler?" %% Roses are Toves Violets are Toves Everything is a Tove My eyes are bleeding! %% How often do people mistake tetrahedra for floppy disks? %% Dammit, why can't people spend 15 seconds and delete at least PART of the body of the e-mail message they're responding to? Like Kevin's .sig appearing 8 times at the bottom of some messages, for example. %% Boy, rumor production really tailed off after 2000, didn't it? %% no such file or directory: . %% If this is too much Dijonnaise, I'm going to kill myself. %% You have a teacher in Pennsylvania and he wants to buy you a beer. %% You know, inspiration is the most dangerous -ation... because inspiration ate time. %% now, are we talking about a countably infinite number of monkeys here? cause I'm having serious problems dealing with the concept of Aleph(1) monkeys. %% "...and I was so pissed off that I went to sleep." -mcl %% Cpp is the C-language pre-processor. fvwm-2.0 offers cpp processing which mirrors the m4 pre-processing. To find out about it, re-read the M4 section above, but replace "m4" with "cpp". %% The name "FVWM" used to stand for something, but I forgot what. (Feeble, famous, foobar? It doesn't really matter, this is an acronym based society anyway.) %% I don't own a "club kasparov", nor have I ever. I once got dealt the ace of clubs in a card game, though, and since kasparov is certainly an ace at chess, perhaps this is what has you confused. %% You have to comment the beer? -ewg %% Ever see that Nike Soccer ad, where the guy says: "Winning my championship means beating every nation on Earth." It's wrong. The last world cup title was decided by penalty shots in a game that lasted for 3 hours--and ended in a scoreless tie. %% Boy, the old drumor/dt sure dropped off after Rumor 2000. %% An epiphany of sorts whilst installing a pergola yesterday. It's more important for a pergola to appear level than to actually be level. %% abuse - Beating Ken Lanfear with a stick %% Matt: What? Am I not allowed to make jokes? Arun: No, we're not allowed to laugh. %% We've all got it coming. %% It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he's got, and all he's ever going to have. %% ...An E-vil petting zoo? %% An EVIL vet? %% Come here, Mr. Bigglesworth! %% Danger's my *middle* name. %% Hey, this penis enlarger isn't mine! %% "One book, entitled 'Swedish Penis Enlargers and Me: Definitely My Bag, Baby'." %% No comment on "weewee". That's EPA's responsibility. %% Your tuit isn't very round. %% I've got two words for you. /dev/rumor. %% We don't have SigCGEC. Darn it! %% There are no blue cones in the center of the retina. %% GREEN PEPPER BANNON! %% you build the universe in your own code and beat it with a stick %% Every time I compile a big penis shows up on xload %% "It's just like, you stopped talking, and I was thinking 'is he dead'?" %% [...] which we will call a "thingy", in honor of that thingy that hangs down in the back of your throat. (You may also call it a "referent", if you prefer to live a joyless existance.) %% those little chubby birds are mean ass mother fuckers %% mrw: M-x praise-be-unto-xemacs %% Dude, the best five pieces of software ever written, in no particular order, are Linux's kernel, Emacs, g++, NCSA's httpd (Server-side yow!) and rumor. Know what all of those have in common? They're free. %% anyway we were thinking that next time anyone complains about our working habits they should give us their phone number and they can come in and reboot the machines at midnight... %% This is KC. She says Hi. Say Hi to KC! %% My penis ani't bad. I was drafted by the New York Yankees in the fall because I could hit .380 with my big huge COCK. But I turned 'em down because then I couldn't fuck bitches with my fat, amazing beautiful schlongarooski. Yep, my dick's big. REAL big. I painted it green and won a prize for the world's biggest cucumber. No doubt about it, my dick's big. -Jxxxxx Sxxxxxxxx %% "I AM in a world of shit!" %% I tell ya, I forget most of it, but it was clever. %% Dammit, rumor production really drops off around finals time. %% I would assume that the problem of trying to parse the average CS textbook's description of NP-completeness would itself be an NP-complete problem. %% Beans and contipation are not two things I normally consider in the same sentence. %% I just added a rumor, and then after the message appeared, I typed "send." QTP: It's coming, and the company that will bring it to you is MAT&T. %% Then the integers 2, 5, and 1 are placed in order in the last three positions, giving 125 as the last positions of the permutation. - Rosen, p. 294 %% Fists, fists. A thousand fists are not enough for E. Honda! %% Out of granola! %% We got our cat used. %% He's not a detail-oriented kinda guy. %% %% Do not taunt Happy Fun Bhalla. %% Twice, most recently with "The Fifth Element", I've seen a movie ^^^^^ ^^^^^ with g0ff in the last one week that involved a cat. ^^^ %% Ok, who'se kidnapped Rocky and Bullwinkle? %% Seems Rocky and Bullwinkle wanted to do a little reading on hydrology. Found them checking out the publications of the Illinois District. They are now home safe. They assured me the reading was VERY BORING. From now one, they will stick to reading the old NEWSLESS-GAZETTES lying about my office. %% Illinois: This is the best page I have ever seen! And their data stuff is really cool! I wish I could do things this cool someday. Maybe if I grow up. %% We have received the subject directory. If you are interested in "looking at the pictures", the directory will be filed in the bookcase behind my desk. %% YOU MUST BRING IN A RED FOOD ITEM INORDER TO GET THE PIZZA!!!!!!! %% It's amazing how many good rumors come from internal mail. %% I don't think "human skull on the ground is a valid condition for deadlock. %% I'm not leaving my wingman! %% it's probably mean to talk about other people, but this think-good-thoughts stuff makes me a bit on the angry side. %% Never mind. Your momma is fucked up. No offense. %% This is a rumor about both pants and a bank. Go figure. %% Nothing like drinking whiskey, listening to Parliament, and adding lots of rumors. %% It used to be, in Elder Days, that you'd add a rumor, and within two hours, everyone on the team had seen it. Now, you can add a rumor, and two months later, watch g0ff quote it to channel, and then see him say "Wow, I haven't seen that one before". %% Nothing worse than typing ls, then getting the 42-line Arun-added rumor. %% Matt Williams wore jersey number 86 in high school. Jack Daniels is 86-proof whiskey. Coincidence? Probably. %% What are you doing Kas... whatever the hell your name is, Jen? %% I'm not going to talk about doubts and confusion. (On a night when I can see with my eyes shut.) %% Get Warped! %% Finals bring out the worst in me. %% chickenwire?? %% I sent Ernie Dreyer an STD %% To: distoff@srv1dilurb.er.usgs.gov Subject: Rocky and Bullwinkle Seems Rocky and Bullwinkle wanted to do a little reading on hydrology. Found them checking out the publications of the Illinois District. They are now home safe. They assured me the reading was VERY BORING. From now one, they will stick to reading the old NEWSLESS-GAZETTES lying about my office. Pat %% 1. The display boxes that are holding the reports were rearranged. DO NOT REARRANGE THESE DISPLAY BOXES. %% 2. The Pubs Room had a few WRIR's placed in the OFR section. DO NOT REARRANGE THE REPORTS IN THE PUBS ROOM, IF YOU NEED SOMETHING LET ME KNOW. IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE SOMETHING IS IN THE PUBS ROOM OR WHERE SOMETHING GOES IN THE PUBS ROOM, ASK ME. %% Bottom line, folks, for all our evolutionary bluster and braggadocio we are anls and we live in a zoo where it's turned into free crack night in the ferret hut. %% You should be able to take that joke right in the solar plexus, get up, get that two-cycle weed-whacker engine of a brain humming, and give as good as you got. And if you get bested, go home, sharpen your verbal machete, and get ready for the next thicket. %% First things first, but not necessarily in that order. -Doctor Who %% i need to go placate my demanding cats %% Oh my god, g0ff, I'm a manager! %% Attribute that and you're a dead man. %% Gimme some sugar, cookie. - Good Ash %% Hey, I run screen. Hit on me! %% Sure, I could have stayed where I was, and been on SPIDER, but in a way, I'm on SPIDER here. Kiss the SPIDER, baby. %% I did quit caffeine once for five and a half months. Of course, it was before I met you. %% Cat in a bag. Dog in the Boneyard. %% I want a Turing-complete tuxedo. %% And now young Jedi, I will *WHINE* at you. %% You do not comprehend the power of the oscar dance. %% I don't have multi-level undo...I have a splotch...I'm Bill Gates. %% 39,000 minutes this month. %% Does lsd mean ls?(y/n/e) %% yip yip yip yip yip yip yap yip yap BANG!~+++ NO TERRIER %% THIS MESSAGE IS FOR STUDENTS ONLY. ALL OTHERS PLEASE IGNORE. %% "I am the reincarnated spirit of John Calvin. Needless to say, I was completely wrong." --Ray %% "The reason no one types the "I" in UN*X is because they don't want to admit that there's a little bit of themselves in it." --Calvin %% Okay, who started procmailing all of their internal office mail into the rumor file? %% Meaningless Garbage! With NEW CAPITAL LETTERS! %% sure, undaerstanding architecture is important, but being able to BUILD it with a bucket of transistors and a soldering iron? not bloody likely %% Dude. That's his metalface. %% Cry dazzler, and let slip the poodles of famine. %% Does anybody have a 32-bit version of Lahey Fortran I can use or upgrade? Whoever placed mugs in the break-room sink should also wash them. %% Cooper: In another world he might have been a seer or a shaman priest... here he's just a shoe salesman who walks with the shadows. %% Hands are the property of the government. %% All managers like to bask in my wisdom. %% "I'm going to write the lyrics to 'War' instead of an essay question." -Student before the History 282 Final "Yeah, I've got a pubcrawl at 4:00, and I have to go get ready for it." -Another student, in response %% The power of the Oscar dance is insignificant compared to the power of the Kevin dance. %% This is my account on my parents' TV. %% In addition to new functionalities in each Update/Release, the following are the number of Bugs and Enhancements included in recent releases: %% Verse wants to be free. %% Habanero is cool. Their logo is a flaming sperm. %% Does raye mean date? (y/n/e)n %% mrw (on phone): "...[Greg] and I are going to start a company. I know you have a weak heart, mom." %% AAAA! I can't even use my mouse because of SWRID. %% $ exec tcsh ^H: No such file or directory. Connection closed by foreign host. %% What's your problem? The load's only at 11. %% [Submitters note: In this context, "NBS" stands for "Narn Bat Squad" - alien vigilantes, armed with baseball bats, who enforce justice and newsgroup topicality.] %% Polyethylene, used in the packaging of meat in plastic film, is also used for poker chips in Nevada gaming casinos controlled by organized crime! What that has to do with the price of eggs is beyond even the scrutiny of Deep Blue. %% Lingerie is actually a parasitic space organism from the forbidden planet of Salacia Secundus. It attaches itself to the bodies of our lovely Earth women and makes them obey radio signals from Venus. Obviously this violation must not be allowed to con- tinue. The next time you see a woman infested by the Lingerie parasite (you can tell because you won't understand why she acts as she does) you must act! Leap into a flying tackle, immobilize her with the dreaded Ainu spine-lock, and remove the parasite. Be warned ... the parasite will force the woman to defend it. Many mighty Earth warriors have tried to rescue women and ended up on the ground, writhing in agony and moaning "my nads ... my nads ..." Jail time is not unheard of in these situations. %% While in a coma state I remember seeing Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazard coming to greet me with a bright light behind him. We then broke into Dutch Dancing. I am very much like him and I really admire him for his high morals. %% OObsolete function. Use `praise-be-unto-xemacs'. %% Does anybody have a 32-bit version of Lahey Fortran I can use or upgrade? Whoever placed mugs in the break-room sink should also wash them. Remember: Any mug that can wash itself, can also walk itself to the sink. %% Taco Bell, its better then drinking your own urine! %% The purpose of this message is to remind the owners, administrators, and users of USGS local area networks (LANs) that these networks are inherently unsecure. %% Someone should mention the foo dog in a rumor, so it can be historical. %% When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. -Anonymous %% I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. %% Time to fix this bug! %% Never run from command line-- command line can run faster. %% Does cookie mean mcookie? (y/n/e)y %% mcookie | addrumor %% Okay, who added "Cat.", all alone, by itself, twice? %% Bad dates. %% I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd report the person who gave it to me to the police. %% Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard? %% Rumor your mama. %% Things that go bump in the night. %% enter description, terminated with single '.' or end of file: NOTE: This is NOT the log message! >> %% Ever see a turtle? %% print "$statname->{DATA}->[0]->[$statname->{HEADERS}->{name}]
\n"; %% The last time I can remember an entire nation being on the same page, it was Germany in the late thirties and it didn't really turn out that funny. %% If Hitler walken into Hollywood and said, "I've figured out how to do Die Hard in a hot air balloon!" he'd have a three-picture deal before you could say Carrot Top, all right? %% It's the Madonna/whore thing. No, I mean the psychological theory. %% Mike Levey's more excited than a seventeen-year-old computer geek who's just downloaded some nude pictures of Courteny Cox off the Internet. %% So remember, that's "Some People Are Fucking Idiots," "Everybody's a Fucking Idiot," "Fuck You and the Horse You Rode in On," and "Obviosly You've Mistaken Me for Somebody Who Vaguely Gives a Fuck About Your Sad Little Life," all for only $29.95! No, make that $39.95, and I'll throw in the Pocket Motherfucker! %% Callipe is giong slower than Jimmy Stewart reciting the "Mahabharatha" on the back of an arthritic tortise that's munching a quaalude on a humid Sunday afternoon in a hammock hung between two trees in the intensified gravity of the planet Jupiter. %% Jareds room smelled like a man eating Gorgonzola cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse. %% I really can't speak for the male collective, which is so diverse it makes the bar scene in Star Wars look like an IBM management seminar. %% When I'm watching the Gay Pride aprade, and the "Genitals Are Our Friends" float cruises by, with two leather-bound Eraserheads dressed up as Timmy and Tommy, the Testicle Twins, sure, I get the same creepy feeling I get when I hear Shatner sing. %% You know what thay call that? Well, the Germans have a word for it . . . "Beck's!" Actually it's called schadenfreude. And while there's no literal translation in our language, loosely stated, it means, "The malicious enjoyment of another's misforture." Leave it to our Teutonic friends the Germans to concoct an intricate glossary of pain terminlogy. %% So I am almost all checked out, when the troglodyte ahead of me begins rifling through a grease-stained donught bag and produces a curled-up, coffee-soiled check from the Bank of Communicable Diseases. The woman behind the cash register initiates an ID check that would make the Rio Grande border patrol seem like greeters at Ceasars Palace. %% "Then anyone who leaves behind him a written manual, and likewise anyone who receives it, in the belief that such writing will be clear and certain, must be exceedingly simple-minded..." -- Plato, _Phaedrus_ %% If a true sense of value is to be yours it must come through service in bed. %% [Arun opens door for others] HMatt: Arun's so chivalrous. Arun: I'd do it even if you weren't women. %% Fuck me hard No. %% Hello. Welcome to IIT. %% Can you imagine Doobie in your Funk? %% This is an almost gratuitous rumor. %% After all, FAR is Cabrini-Green. %% You just killed the Kamut. %% Canada is the future? %% Now listen, Barbara Kopetski... %% Me being drunk is the best thing that happened to the rumor file! -mrw %% Make my kunk the Pkunk. %% Special: Veal Timpone - $10.95 %% The new USGS identifier, sometimes refered to as a "logo," consists of three parts: an abstract graphic, the monogram "USGS," and the motto, "science for a changing world." %% We need a rumor about ichor. %% Now I'm lovely and I have a porcelain cat. %% If you're really evil, EAT THIS KITTEN! %% "Eating kittens is just plain . . . plain WRONG! And no one should do it ever!" -- the Tick %% I love getting Cthulhu in my DNS! %% Compilation dawns. %% MUTT sorry %% God didn't take six days to create the world; he partied for five days and pulled an all nighter. %% "...we could go watch MST3K: The Movie" "yeah, that's like renting friends" -- gdf and heide, trying to find something to do %% Babette's Fast! %% * Mac_Gyver:#aol gots dee irc blues..yea i gots dee irc blues...dada da da...started dis channel... dada da da... as u can see.. dada da da..sum lamah took it ova...dada da da...it's plain ta me...dada da da...gunna catch me a net split...wid unix 'n me...dada da da...and collide dat mudda...dada da da...yes sir ree...dada da da...an kick, ban, an deop em'...dada da da...dats dee plan...dada da da...so, i hopes ya undastan'.. i gots dee blues... yea yea %% Blong! You're a rumor! %% We need a rumor about meat. %% 2. Only ISPs with a valid Internet operating license from the Ministry of Communications are able to receive blocks of IP addresses from the 5 blocks listed above. %% Hello. Welcome to ITT Technical Institute. %% Unlike other crond/crontabs, this crontab does not try to do everything under the sun. %% Why do I share these facts with you? Why should you care? Because they are a loud, ringing affirmation of the health, strength, and vitality, the richness, the diversity and the excitement, of the NEW USGS, as we prepare for the 21st Century. I could not have been more pleased with the way I saw our many colleagues stepping up to the plate and hitting home runs, despite all the various stresses and anxieties of the past 2 years. %% What the hell kind of command is "make-ssh-known-hosts." %% gøff %% ŦWarez!ŧ %% I'm having far too much fun with this meta bit. %% He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. %% She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. %% McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. %% From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. %% Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. %% Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. %% Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. %% He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. %% The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease %% Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." %% Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. %% The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. %% John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. %% The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. %% His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. %% 12. Data: Brian Sebby, Brent Spiner (your choice) %% I seem to be having a tremendous amount of difficulty with Zach's coding style. %% "Have a nice night." "I just bought $75.00 worth of booze. I should hope I will." %% Oh, that should be enough pizza to keep us going until we have to build lifters for the HoF and take to the air. %% "Have you been chewing your cable enough today?" "I haven't been chewing it at all." "No wonder you're so irritable!" -gtr and mrw %% Sarah Silvia Cynthia Stout would not take the meaningless garbage out. %% Wah wah munchie wah. %% "YEAH! Or something." -arun %% Here are some relevant facts: 1.Nobel never married, hence no ``wife''. %% Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. -Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) %% Everybody be cool... this is rubbery! %% i still don't know what we should use as (??). maybe INHERITABLE? VIABLE? VIRILE? FERTILE? STERILE? CHILDLESS? BARREN? Hmm. Maybe it'd be better to just leave that to the NOTES. %% Dan asked the staff if there was enough interest in Merritt Blalock conducting training at the District on AWK and RDB. A few staff members indicated training on PEARL would be beneficial. Dan will talk to Merritt Blalock on training for RDB; PEARL training will be conducted at a later date. %% "New Microsoft manuals will be recommending that you do a full re-installation of the software every morning." %% You long to see the fjiords of Norway. %% You long to see the highlands of Scotland. %% You LONG to see the PYRAMIDS of EGYPT! %% Arabians are great horses... for dog food! %% deep, soulful garbage %% You used to ride on the chrome horse with your diplomat Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat Ain't it hard when you discover that He really wasn't where it's at %% It was a fine idea at the time, but now it's a brilliant mistake. %% 7. "Hanging your machine...." [...] This will cause the automounter to issue a mount request causing the kernel to send an NFS request back to the same automounter, which is currently stuck in a system call and unable to respond - even kill -KILL won't get you out of this one. There is nothing you can do to fix it without rebooting your machine, so... Find a diskless workstation and play with that first before trying this on your main 200 user service machine (unless you hare your users). --From the amd instlation notes. %% It nearly took a miracle to get you to stay It only took my little finger to blow you away %% Commerce is our goal here at Tyrell. "More human than human" is our motto. %% Wake up! Time to die. %% Your punishment is to be married to the lowest beast of the jungle! %% I'm going to add a rumor about Catherine H. Icken being the lowest beast of the jungle! %% big time hard line bad luck fist fuck %% "At least when the U fucked me up the ass they were kind enough to shove some prozac up there too." -- Jesse Olson %% "They're like gangs. They run in packs. These sociopaths are like skinheads. If there were no bulk emailers, they'd go after something else. We just happen to be the blacks and Jews of cyberspace." - John Lester, bulk email marketing advocate, about those who flame spammers %% The one problem with using Xemacs as one's shell is that you can no longer have precmd aliased to rumor. %% _ ___ _ _ _ ___ __ ___ __ _ ___ __ _ ___ __ ___ _ ___ _ _ _ __ _ ___ __ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ %% "Leave it to our tectonic friends, the Germans." -- mjh %% There are always geeks at #uiuc. %% You've gotta run to the window and yell "These floors are dirty as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more!" %% "I'm lost." "Have you tried Hare Krishna?" %% I just ntp'd my watch! %% "I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway." -Jack Handey %% "Lather up with Leia and you'll feel like a princess all day!" -Lable on Princess Leia shampoo %% The centipedes are getting downright arrogant. %% Q.How does MkLinux compare to Windows NT? A.Source code is freely available for MkLinux, and it is based on a variant of UNIX. %% By the way, I hate Oscar Cwajbaum. *** Mode change "+o mrw" on channel #usgs by Arun %% Wunder Bar %% haiku umask would be 0202, then... %% haiku umask would be 0202, then... %% Anglo violence. %% Don't put -w in production code. %% Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. %% It's elementary, my dear Williams. %% "Ooh, what a cuddly penguin, I be he is just stuffed with herring" %% Baxter Boom-a-yae! %% After I whup George, we gotta whup Mr. Tooth Decay! %% Ali vs. "Oberg", 1974 %% They're smarter than us. They speak English, French, AND African! We don't even speak English good! %% You said that I'm not the fighter I was ten years ago. Well, I asked your wife, and she said that you're not the man you were two years ago! %% Calendars are cool. They're like a map for time. %% "The great Rondo, able to construct sets using only the power of his mind!" %% %% "His name was Eastman, he came out of the East, to do battle with the amazing Rondo!" %% "I'm sorry, but Rondo will be handling all the magic in this film. %% "So they worship the everlasting gobstopper?" %% "The tempeture on the surface must be thousands of degrees." "Cooler by the lake." %% "It's a long par 500 to our nations capital." %% "Then I ram my ovapositer down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest, but I'm not an alien!" %% "These hand holds are magnitised." "Which would mean something if my hands were made of metal." %% "Jazzer, drop your axe, it's Jazz police!" %% "Thank you for those items that you sent me, the monkey, and the plywood violin." %% "Jazz police are talkin' to my niece!" %% rumor | task -a kaoberg -s -t rumor -p 1 -k rumor %% "Jazz polive are workin' for my mother!" %% "Stick another turtle on the fire, Guys like me are mad for turtle meat." --Leonard Cohen %% Toejam football %% > compress GratuitouslyLongModuleName-0.01.tar GratuitouslyLongModuleName-0.01.tar: filename too long to tack on .Z %% Relax. %% Tension go bye-bye! *whooosh* %% Imagine a kitten rubbing all the tension out of your shoulders %% Your stdio acts pretty std. %% > >>The most expensive reverb device I can think of offhand is the > >cathedral at Chartres. The lack of portability is a concern, however. > > On the bright side, the thing is damned near theft-proof. Does it have MIDI? %% baygle baygle baygle, i made you out of clay %% "Helmut, how do you answer the reports that you are a silly bitch?" "I embrace them." %% And now for "The Insane Academy Awards" Tonights first category: "Best communicable dissease in a major dramatic role." And the winner is... we have a tie! George Jetson in My Left Foot, and the Fonz in Iwo Jima. "Sit on it, potsy!" %% refile +misc/stuffas %% "Does Zach work here anymore?" %% You don't even get a lousy copy of our home game, you're a completer loser! %% He thought he broke the cat because it was purring! %% I just got married, and so I'm mailing the entire USGS! %% An EVIL petting zoo? %% I always thought LA was evil and nasty and glowed in the dark. %% I was born a warrior, but I see now that the calling of my heart is religion! %% NCP (NetWare Core Protocol) is a protocol that runs over IPX and is used by Novell NetWare clients to talk to file servers. It is to IPX what nfs is to tcp/ip, if that helps. %% "That's Dr. Evil. I didn't go to Evil Medical Scool for six years to be called Mr. Evil." %% "You'd just be like, 'Nelson are guys?' ." --mjh %% I hate rumors which are open until after the title bars close. %% Can you run as fast as a panther? %% Smart-assed skeptic. Monkey Man will MAKE you believe! %% The echo port has been shut down. %% If this is a problem, let me know, and I can beat on you with sticks for a while, and though that probably won't make the voices stop, it might amuse the others in the office. -GDF %% set the damn cookie, what do i care? %% Ali: Make love not war. the world could be so much more fun that way. * Ali punches Arun %% Do you have too many books about the web and not enough space on your bookshelf? %% (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/public_html/ > ~/html_check/htmltreecheck.pl index.html > errors.withhttp & [1] 31337 %% You're one microscopic cog in his macroscopic plan Guided and directed by his Red Right Hand He's a ghost, he's a god, he's a man, he's a Gu-ru-ru %% You're one microscopic cog in his macroscopic plan Guided and directed by his Red Right Hand He's a ghost, he's a god, he's a maker, he's a Shai-Hu-Lud %% Yeah, as opposed to those cheap synthetic black people we have in the %% Yeah, as opposed to those cheap synthetic black people we have in the suburbs. %% spl: you can't have properly spelled rumors... that's jsut wrong. %% MRW: "Does anyone know where samba is hiding?" AKB: "I think Hayward deleted it." %% GTR fixes everything before 10 AM: $.25 %% "...I also dreamed I was an irc client a few times..." -jlg %% http://www.nasty-cheerleaders.com %% please feed us some of the "good stuff". %% "...a CHICKEN@!#$!#%!@%!" %% Long after my children's names are lost to alzheimers, when I'm unfamiliar with my surroundings and my own name, living in a nursing home without a memory, I'll still be able to hear Geoff saying "Seven is the most dangerous integer" like Saylor. %% She printed out the Chicken. %% "Who's Marc Powell?" %% A unmutak! What wilst thou do? %% Cheapskate! Tightwad! Thy purse must be rusty from lack of use! %% I am Winkle. Thou want me to tell thee the passward? Then I shall. %% A rumor appeared to me in a dream last night, but I don't remember what it was. %% Accept to imitatoes. %% I just found out about the bug in Netscape that lets anyone read my hard drive. That's why I use Netscape. If I were using IE, it would let users write to my hard drive too. %% uffda. %% How do you want me to "supply it"? %% Iowa will now be blue on our map. %% I'm going to campaign against wheelchair-accessible urinals. %% These perl guys are so punny: "coke\tsprite" # a coke, a tab, and a sprite. %% G0ff, do you know what the significance of Thu Jan 29 20:37:29 1970 is? Probably. %% The clue phone is ringing, and it's for you. %% "Whatever it was that wasn't wrong and couldn't be reproduced and works like it always has...has apparently been fixed." %% how about "COLD!" and "OLD!"? %% "Now, that's "Open" as used in the sentence "Open your wallet", right?" %% Spice girls! Spice Girls! A thousand deaths were not enough for the Spice Girls! %% I think I'm going to write all of our web pages in iambic pentameter. - mrw %% 12:27AM i just got the bounce 12:27AM 0 2 ## procmail: Program failure (70) of "/usr/lib/sendmail" 12:27AM shit, Joe is stick in a mailloop 12:27AM I broke Joe %% But Python is not a joke. And don't you associate it with dangerous reptile either! %% Look, mom! A Psi-cop! %% Feed Access Panda regularly (bamboo is the main food that pandas eat). %% To remove a tick: Grasp its mouthparts with tweezers as close to skin as possible, and pull the entire tick out slowly and steadily. %% "Let's abolish cows. We can get milk at the supermarket." %% Eniac is 'Caine' spelt backwards. %% "What would you do, Sean, would you kill her?" "...sherry?" "What?" "Who are you talking to?" "Uh, okay." %% if(masterbatlow) go_down_batt(); %% Is my brie floating? %% "..there's a fine line between the number of balls you need to hit to get warm.." - mrw %% %% "Whatever happened to all the fun in the world?" %% JDW: "I certainly had sex with everyone in my quad on a daily basis." MJH: "Oh. I thought they meant, like, with a girl." %% HMatt breaks a CD player: Free! %% *** Signoff: baxter (Local kill by Geoff (No cats allowed.)) %% * mail pets cat %% This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful, but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. %% Embedded Documentation %% Ah, the cult of warez. %% Haggis! %% "You know what, Arun? Your name almost fits into 'moron'." -kc %% "...girls, and now it's squirrels and.. i suck." - arun "Yep. that's because your name goes into 'suck'." - greg %% matt, what's a fuck-pus bucket? %% And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. %% what are our dinner plans tonight? you will eat me. %% I like shakespear because he was the spacebar daemon %% Bananas, in pajamas, are coming down the stairs... Bananas, in pajamas, are chasing teddy bears... %% I suspeckered that interp lookin for semicolon, so i pecked one here and there... i thought about eval??? %% Because the world is round It turns me on. %% A Quick Guide to Basic HTML - Currently this document is only available in PostScript format and Adobe Acrobat PDF format. -- http://www.uiuc.edu/ccso/pubs/indexes/misc_index.html %% while () { s/Rondo/Rando; } %% Oh no, the poor cat! %% xroach on xearth roxxors. "Its the cockroach that ate Cincinatti!" %% "I haven't done a single thing right in my life, not a one, now that's a talent." - Samual L. Jackson %% mama dash gave birth to 5 slutty spices %% "Well, they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night." --Bruce Springsteen %% meep %% Sweet mother of God. %% Emacs includes an on-line, easy to follow tutorial and a built-in help system that describes all of Emacs's features. %% professional page existence and content Mandatory chickens on all professional pages. Naked people. Digital pictures of cats. Anti-government tirades. %% Digital Underground. %% Why is it that when I'm running on little or no sleep that I add twice as many rumors as normal? %% Isn't it appropriate that Zach and Geoff now share a mailbox? After all, most of the people in the district think that they're the same person anyways. %% [1] Killed: xteddy %% According to secret documents which I have completely imagined to uncover in a dank corner of my basement, I have proof that cats are part of the Guild and have the ability to fold space. %% This is not a rumor. %% USGS Asks for Public's Help with Deformed Frog Research June 23, 1997 %% The first in a series of movies on premeture ejaculation erupted on the screen last weekend. %% The first in a series of movies about the life of Pee Wee Herman erupted on the screed last weekend. %% The first in a series of movies about auto-erotica erupted no the screen last weekend. %% Read what's good for you: http://www.nytimes.com/women %% Curse you, Fat Frog! %% WHO'S ROACHING ME? - HMatt %% [Standard appreciation of care goes here] %% The word is MOUSES. %% what is this "warez"? %% 02:17PM what is this "warez"? %% well... it's sort of a dadaist thing, isn't it? %% HUm4N5 4r3 N07 p195 -- 743Y'11 347 4NY741N9. Humans are not pings -- they have little to do with UDP. %% Jabba the Warez Hutt in bed %% (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/public_html/ > echo `rumor` in bed These were the reasons why asexual reproduction is better, sometimes. 1) In a stable, unchanging environment, sex is a waste. 2) To produce clones 3) Its cheaper in bed %% what are our dinner plans tonight? you will eat me. in bed %% You ability to juggle many tasks will take you far. in bed. %% (jlgable) leibniz:/home/jlgable/public_html/ > echo `rumor` in bed gøff in bed %% Mmmmmmm. Warez not make one great in bed %% "You just want me to stick my hand in there so it'll get stuck and then you can bean me with a infalted bird!" %% "At Group L, Mr. Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats." -- The Washington Post Magazine, 9 June, 1985 %% As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence, they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him up outside of their father's house as a Diaphanous Doorscraper. %% "She used to keep a box of dry cake mix under her bed to snack on!" %% I have a package of frozen broccoli on my bruise. - Anne Nowinski %% ux5:bhalla<~>251: 708-251-5048...damn... - leibniz rumor ux5:bhalla<~>251: %% So this is what mSQL.pm looks like. %% "Whoa, I just realized - I think this is a GAY event!" - random pedestrian at Chicago Gay Pride Parade %% You have no mail. %% but could you imagine what Aleph(1) monkeys could accomplish! %% You have wandered into a wall, you will probably have a bruise. %% No, no, no. The flying, dismembered finger does not represent sex. --Xxxxxxxx XxXxxxxx %% Coffee prices have risen, therefore the per cup price has risen to $0.25. THAT'S A QUARTER A CUP! The monthly price remains fixed at $5.00 for all you can drink. WHAT A DEAL! I'll bet Prozac costs more than that! %% mr-fu~% man 1 Aleph No entry for Aleph in section 1 of the manual %% I'm sorry. I thought you might come up with some logs as an Access Panda. %% IN THE NEWS: A recent Harvard Medical Center study found that people who drink two cups of coffee a day are 70% less lkely to commit suicide, and 46% less likely to have fatal car accidents than non-coffee drinkers. Researchers speculate that increased alertness due to coffee may also boost spirits and reduce the chance of depression. SO DRINK YOUR COFFEE! %% The system is halted. System halted %% [mina]: Life is a shell window. %% Why do we have a horse blanket in our room? -gdfast %% zappy:/dev# ls -alF /dev/temperature crw-r--r-- 1 root root 10, 131 May 24 1996 /dev/temperature %% We're on a simison from Dog. %% gandhi with xemacs and a flamethrower can definitely take tiamat, any time %% I am the lyrical jesse james! %% I took a couple days of sick leave yesterday. - mrw %% (I love having a computer that I can call she...) %% In the future, the clocks won't show a time. They'll just get right to the point and call three'o'clock 'Pepsi'. %% Such an amazement. 36 hours since the beginning of Men In Black, and not one single rumor about it in that span. %% "Where are you going? I'm going to get my gun back. %% Oh-oh. You've made the Matt angry. %% If you want immediate results, there's ramen and a microwave. %% From: kathryn carter smith Subject: whoops %% what in your opinion is the criteria for smartest man that ever lived? - leibniz rumor spelling the singular of criteria with -ion, for one %% * Ark is mailing a woman named Ingrid 02:58PM Where are you mailing her? Did you cut air holes? %% On Thursday, NASA "wrote-off" all of the life science experiments except one in the now sealed Spektr section of Mir. A single experiment involving a cat (now nicknamed "Schrodinger") has not been given up upon. NASA officials insist that they are not sure whether the cat is dead or alive, and are reluctant to opening the hatch to check. %% 04:03PM My cats romp. 04:04PM I heard a punk rock version of that %% %% Perhaps somebody else would like to try the experiment. If anyone out there has access to a young chimpanzee of a weight of 45 Kg or less and a large number of cats, just rub the chimp riskly with the cats until the chimp sticks to the ceiling. In order to get it back down, do what an australopithecine would do and piss on it. %% Define irony. A bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song by a band that was killed in a plane crash. %% "I should have worn a dress." "I should have brought my gun!" %% Ark: LDR in a shot glass, five pounds of dork, I shot the sherriff, PIGFUCKER JEW PORK PORK PORK %% Mama always said life was like a box of warez...you never know just what you're gonna get. %% That does it. If the rumor production on this system doesn't start taking off RIGHT NOW, I'm gonna add the FOD rumors. %% Keen attacks Fribbulus Xax %% 4.) I'd put my fists to my head, point each index finger forwards, yell out " I'm a Sherman Tank !!!! ", and ram the unbreakable glass with my head...after waking up, repeat process till they let me out. %% Dogs: they can ruin your day in a second. %% Mike Kolb thinks that Windows 98 will be gross and smoggy and have no console. %% ora needs to put a smart, intelligent, avaailable woman on one of their new books %% Everbody knows this is nowhere. %% Ska bandit. %% The worst part about "Batman and Robin" is that there weren't even any decent quotations for us to add to the rumor file. Talk about a worthless movie. %% It's winter for Poland and France. %% Good girls go to heaven, but the bad girls go everywhere. %% Have I ever mentioned that I hate computers? %% inbox has 1508 messages ( 1-1512); cur= 13; (others). %% i picked choir, 'cause my voice isn't as heavy as a saxophone. %% Cat. %% Cat. %% Cat. %% "Well, it's been really nice sleeping with all you guys." %% <[Ben]> sky: Can I borrow your fingers? * Skywind "lends a hand" %% } %% GWEEDS00.ZIP - Guido Sanchez [0/9] - Install Disk - -=MEoW Release=- %% * Jenny wonders if any files have 251 lines and 5049 characters %% Quick, call 847-251-5049 before it goes down forever! %% 1-2-3-HUH %% meaningless 2515049 rumor %% mr-fu~/work% date Tue Jul 8 14:51:50 CDT 1997 mr-fu~/work% wc ~jlgable/whee 251 251 5049 /home/jlgable/whee %% It's lame, but it'll do. %% Anything that relates to 251-5049 has got to be cool. %% THANKS EVERYONE FOR BRINGING TO MY ATTENTION THAT THE INCORRECT SHORT DESCRIPITION FOR THE BIOGEOCHEMISTRY OF SMALL WATERSHEDS SCHEDULED FOR OCTOBER 20-24, 1997 WAS ANNOUNCED EARLIER TODAY. I HAVE LOCATED THE PROBLEM & CHASED AWAY THE GRIMMLINS. THE CORRECT DESCRIPITION IS ATTACHED. SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION IT MAY HAVE CAUSED. %% Well, go ahead, add it. %% Now is the little light flashing? %% Any decade which starts out with the Beatles breaking up, and ends with John Lennon and John Bohnam dying, can't possibly be a good decade. %% 1-2-3-HUH %% Pathologically Eclectic Rubbish Lister %% Groogroo Productions %% Why are non-sexual relationships called platonic when it's a well-known fact that Plato slept with everyone? %% and with a final parable about the death of a grandmother, they departed. - mrc %% Never ever ever look at a dbm file. It's like looking at the sun during an eclipse. It'll burn your cornea. - mrw %% every tool is a weapon if you code it right. %% if its not scottish, its a CAT! %% Arun is a weapon if you cat him right. %% Family Tubers! -akb %% SCSI blowtorch. %% The Wheel of Food says "Peas and Eggs" for lunch today. %% The Illuminati wrote Scheme. -gtr %% You know, if my FTP client is correct, then I've just downloaded 4294967253% of this file. %% I could really go for some corn flakes right now. Or a blow job. %% ""All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. %% What's a tortise? %% I just misspelled a spelling flame. Im such a luser. %% ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: Your message has been read. %% PGP will not generate a key without finding the User's Guide. There is a simple way to override this restriction. See the PGP User's Guide for details on how to do it. %% Ballad of a Thin Mantis A Short Story It was another cold night in space. Well, there's really no night or day in space but it was cold nevertheless. I was waiting for Zorak outside the Phantom Cruiser but he was late -- unusually late. I called Moltar on my cellular. Still no answer. I fired up another Cohiba Corona Especiale. Zorak must have missed his bus. Or mabye he didn't have exact change. He never did. There was a tug-tug-tugging at my cape. "You're up kinda late, Mr. Ghostal." It was Hamish, the Space Port valet. He looked like Lorne Greene on a diet of horse pills. "Yeah, well..." I said as I looked around. "No, not really, I mean, yeah, sure, kinda, I guess, no..." My sleek, modern, cruisn' baby was the only ship at the dock. "She's a beaut, there, Mr. Ghostal!" said young Hamish, breaking the silence into little pieces. I shot him a look that said "Break this, Hamish!" Suddenly, out of somewhere, a space cab came crashing into the dock. The driver's side portal opened to reveal a small monkey slumped over the control panel. But this was no television monkey; this was the real McCoy. "LOOK at all those knobs!" I screamed to myself. A note was stapled to the monkey's leather vest. "Happy to see Blip again?" it read. "Better watch your cape." "Yes," I said to the note, "Very happy." Despite the lack of strenuous exercise, a cold sweat ran down my spine and I almost swallowed my cigar. I knew that handwriting! So blatantly cursive. What I wouldn't have done for a nice snack and a sports beverage to wash it down. You run around, you look for clues, you yell at things... a guy gets hungry. It didn't matter, though, because my shoes were just as loose as before. All I could think of were those chilling words, "Better watch your cape... Better watch your cape..." I grabbed Blip by the fur, hid him in the cooler, and headed off into the vast darkness of night or day. It was cold, cold, cold. I took a couple of deep breaths. That note! Those knobs! Suddenly it dawned on me -- this was "reality." I took some more breaths and then did the very next thing. I headed to Manny's Capeteria. Famous in all sectors. "Watch my cape." I said to Manny as I kicked in the door. "What's wrong, Space?" "Nothing that you'd want to know about. Just watch the cape." "Oh," he said, "nothing you'd want me to know about." "Okay," I said as he started watching my cape. "But if you must know..." Manny turned on me, "Look, Space Ghost, I don't really care, I'm a cape watcher, I'm a cape watcher, watching capes go by, my oh my." "And twice on Tuesday?" He looked at me funny, like a savage clown. But he was caught in a lie and he knew it. "So be it," he said as he picked some lint off my cuff. "Let it be," I said. "Bring it on." "Make it happen." "Take it home." "Start it up." "Whoomp," said Manny. "There it is." I couldn't think of what to do next, so I sat and waited for the next mysterious event to occur. Those certain thoughts rushed through my head again, like traffic. The image of little Blip... the knobs... the lint. Things were getting very saucy. Very saucy, indeed. Suddenly, a tap on my shoulder... It was Zorak. His vest was stained a deep, disturbing red. Burgundy, "Sorry I'm late. You'll never guess who I ran into on the way over here." "Bonaduce?" I asked. His lime-green chitinous exoskeleton faded to a hideous eggshell-white. "How... how did you know?" "I'm Space Ghost," I said. "I'm smarter than you." Also, I could see that the stains on his vest were actually tiny red hairs. "I ran into Bonaduce on the corner hawking toaster ovens," continued Zorak. "Did it hurt?" I asked. "And how!" he said. "First he broke my dishwasher, then he broke my heart." Zorak's eyes glazed over. His pupils dilated, then began spinning. "Butler... in the kitchen... with a 3-wood," he said as he reached for my hand. That was a funny comedy joke, especially for Zorak. "One potato, two potato... I am a Yankee Doodle Dandy." He passed out. He was really acting silly for that time of year. Was he serious, or was he just putting me on? Manny's rather large hand swung through the air like Tarzan, making contact with my face and bringing me back to "reality." I pointed at the jukebox in the corner. "Hank Senior and Hank Junior?" I asked him knowingly. "I got the whole family, Space," said Manny. "The whole family!" I said right back at him without missing a beat. I'm good that way. "Would you get ahold of yourself, Space Ghost?" said Manny, suggestively, "You're thinking of the monkey too much!" "You can never think of the monkey too much!" I shouted. Suddenly the room was silent. All eyes were on me. It was just like Star Search. I couldn't believe my outburst. I violently turned to Zorak, passed out and drooling on the floor. The room began to spin. I had to act fast. "Sakes alive, Manny! Fetch me some fluids!" I slapped Zorak around a little to see if I could get some green back into his cavernous cheeks. I pinched his chubby thorax. Manny promptly filled a pitcher with ice water. SPLOOSH! That wasn't the sound of the water hitting his face. It was just something Manny liked to say. I grabbed the ice water and threw it on Zorak. He cleaned up real pretty. "Manny, go get my wedding dress!" I held Zorak's little head up as he gasped for air and shivered with cold. "Soon, Zorak, soon we will be married." Boy it was really snowing! It was lucky Zorak had those things. %% (d) Tribal Governments. Tribal Governments are encouraged to adopt and enforce seat belt policies and programs for occupants of motor vehicles traveling on highways in Indian Country that are subject to their jurisdiction. %% "Man is born crying, and when he is done crying, he dies..." -Ran %% > so we've got 13,000 netscape... 2,700 crawlers... and 2,500 other browsers hitting our site. > that's quite a proportion. Netscape: WE OWN THE WEB %% This is because some people do not appreciate our mailings but the Internet is free domain for all so feel free to post anywhere. Please ignore my disclaimers as I have to protect my account. You will be better off dealing with me because I am Chinese and chinese people are not thieves like people of other races. %% Thank you! Have a nice day. %% It is an ancient Mariner, And he stoppeth one of three. "By the long gray beard and glittering eye, Now wherefore stopp'st thou me? %% zsh: correct '25' to '251' [nyae]? %% WSRZ OVWH TBH8 USCH ORT6 NQW7 JJSZ NEEE %% Built by five Japanese companies, all of which are now wholly-owned subsidiaries of Hadden industries. %% Time used: 00h 01m connect, 00m 01s CPU, 00m 00s I/O. %% You have been disconnected from the Network Terminal Server %% Couch on a stick. Death in the boneyard. %% Dancing days are here again. %% It's the Montana/whore thing. No, I mean the pythillogical theory. %% No manual entry for for %% Lb the Large Cat St:18/** Dx:13 Co:13 In:10 Wi:8 Ch:7 Neutral Dlvl:3 $:503 HP:32(32) Pw:3(3) AC:4 HD:6 %% Here's something else for you to 'jump' on...... Comments welcome %% I'm a ghost, I'm a god, I'm a Shai-Hulud! %% dot matrix printers SUCK ZZZZZZZZZZZT ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT tattatatttattattattattattaZZZZZZZZzzzZZZZttt *BOOM* %% >> Bill and Merritt met with the NWIS contractor. They >> discussed software development and the benefit of hooking up >> with a university to tap into state-of-the-art resources. I wonder which University????? Maybe UofI??? FYI, I am sure that this is PC reference to us.... %% KC Smith wrote: > woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary. > > On Tue, 15 Jul 1997, Matt Williams wrote: > > > A hard drive is a small thing, and the internet is very large, > > and full of warez. > > %% Baxter! %% Oscar? How whiny. %% Deckful of Rats! %% Your kobold isn't very bold. %% rumor | mhmail kcsmith@pager.uiuc.edu %% WRONG I AM PERFECTLY SANE...EVERYONE ELSE IS INSANE...and trying to take my MAGIC BAG. %% I haven't had my cover on my computer in ages. <[Ben]> I had to put something on it because there's a kitten sized space between my modem and my video card <[Ben]> a nice warm bed for da kitten, but would kinda mess things up :) %% Unmarked bhalla-coptors, hovering! where? where? speaking of Bhalla copters, Jared, how's mSQL.pm coming? mrw: master off the segue. %% My ears are leaping! %% Any chance that I can get emacs to run on the cat cluster? %% I don't have ears. I should get one or two. %% Rumor: The Emasculation! %% Would you like oral sex with your philosophy? %% WESTERMAN-KINSELLA TALKS STALL OVER MONKEY ISSUE %% "Little Things! Hitting each other!" - Time Bandits %% A novice was trying to fix a broken Lisp machine by turning the power off and on. Knight, seeing what the student was doing, spoke sternly: "You cannot fix a machine by just power-cycling it with no understanding of what is going wrong." Knight turned the machine off and on. The machine worked. %% .I am hoping that some of you may have some great ideas (on any aspect of the planning) and possibly be available to help!!! Thanks. / / / / /__/ _ / / / \__(/_/_/_\_/ / \ / \ / \ / %% "I'm a tool" %% the german word for porcelain is "email". %% Funny, Gel Thelen doesn't look like Brian Sebby. %% "I'm about to hit zappy with 60 thousand hits." "In colloquial terminology, you're preparing to 'swrid' zappy." -- mrw and gdf %% Why buy one when you can have two for twice the price? %% wow it just occurred to me that Bob Dole must be an IRC addict... cause he uses /me so much "Bob Dole thinks..." "Bob Dole wouldn't..." %% I like haggis, baked or fried! %% In the equally bad dreams of Jim, the "goffs," his particular name for them, grew like monster meringue-paste mushrooms, which fed on rats which fed on spiders which fed, in turn, because they were large enough, on cats. -- Ray Bradbury, Something Wicked This Way Comes %% Broadcast message from root ttyp0... System going down in three minutes for nuclear disaster. EOF %% I may show up numb and drooling, but as nobody would notice any difference from normal, I may stay home as to save myself the embarrassment. %% I think that the phrase "Yay for Vector!" should be a leibniz rumor %% Yay for Vector! %% Meaningless Garbage. %% ya know this is a cool thing to see in your prompt: -251-> %% mrw@calliope 07/21/97 3:39PM 46> echo "[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq" |dc 716984326532767370693310 Dammit. %% talk.rumors For the posting of rumors. %% Veteran Pillsbury spokesman,Poppin' Fresh, has succumbed to a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Dozens of celebrities turned out for his funeral, including the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker and the Hostess Twinkie. The gravesite was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was a smart cookie, but was known to lose dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. %% "Don't ring for Death. Knock on his door and run, he hates that." %% Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a programmer, Mr. Williams? %% You need a : I already have a colon, geoff. %% What the hell's a weon, anyhow? %% There aren't any rumors about the PR1ME! %% The German word of [3~[3~[3~ %% The German word for porcelain is "Porzellan". %% You know, it's not unusual to be loathed by mrw. %% The book says the pen is mightier than the sword, but what else would you expect from something written by a pen? %% Has anyone seen the bridge? %% Next week, the conclusion of Cold Lazarus: the disembodied head wreaks revenge! %% I'm getting a psychic connection over this telnet connection. I feel that it is being kept real. And this pleases me greatly. %% Ah, Jared has money today! No. Ah, Jared doesn't have money today! %% Im going to take this 1.4 million nuyen and just... BLOW IT ALL ON DICTIONARIES! %% Sweet mother of Warez. %% Do the Imp Dance. %% You know, some day, you're going to have to pay for association. %% Lastly, there is a government version of Linux in the works too, but since you can't make it stop working, it's not making a whole lot of inroads into the marketplace. Go figure. %% path This is the path of the file to be edited. If the file is a directory, then the directory browsers dired or monkey are usually invoked instead. %% Debbie/NAWQA found a trap in a stream during one of their field trips; be careful! I wonder if it was a bear trap, a rust trap, or a rolling boulder trap. %% "Ken Keesey as the Modern Day Rennaissance Man" %% "Ken Keesey as the Modern Day Psychadelic Era Man" %% "Ken Keesey as the Twenty-first Centure Schizoid Man" %% Association wants to be free. %% thats green flare pen marks to you buddy. %% I hear Webley Webster has an STD! %% Your minions want a better HMO. %% LARA CROFT!!! %% Remember, different ISPs charge different amounts for a free month, %% !GoBotII!: I will now present, at the random request of Waisen: !GoBotII!: Kobayashi Koichi (W) vs. Cho Chikun (B); 1982-06-16,17 (#792) %% Celine Dion does *not* have a funky butt. %% This is also the coolest song on the album. -zcm %% I think Zach needs a superlative smack. -mrw %% zappy:> ping www.gateway.com yp_match: clnt_call: RPC: Timed out Segmentation fault Wow. Ping crashed. %% So, is anyone else fed up with the obsession with 251? %% Massive, soul-destroying, life-ending, world-crushing faux pas committed. Fallout estimate: immense. Iterations: undetermined. ETA to crash: 10 hours. %% If a travelling salesman starts in Houston, visits every city in the United States just once, and ends up where he started, has he completed a Houston Euler Circuit? -- Actually, the Houston Oilers have moved to Tennessee. Gotta love the NFL. %% Get off of my plane! %% Either I am halucinating, or this cat has gone bonkers %% Oh yeah? %% People add rumors in streaks. /home/mrw/src/nwc/bin mrw@zappy 07/27/97 1:06AM 138> addrumor Oh yeah? %% Rumor, rumor, rumor, I made you out of clay! %% thats-not-my-bag-baby.isdn.uiuc.edu %% Don't ask me about performance art. But, look, here come the spoons! %% 4m4nd4 %% www.surge.com %% Red g0ff needs rumors badly. %% It's my swinging thing, and it freaks me out, baby! %% rumor -f shag doesn't return a single hit. DIDN'T YOU PEOPLE WATCH AUSTIN POWERS? %% "Well, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners, all while expierimenting with mind-altering drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound, baby." %% I didn't go to Evil medical school for six years to be called Mr. Evil, thank you. %% 16731 bytes received in 1.78 seconds (9413 bytes/s) ftp> bye 221 Goodbye. You know, if my FTP client is correct, then I've just downloaded 4294967253% of this file. ---- the rumor file is self-aware. %% Release 2 (Broken) released in July 22nd 1997. This is not actually broken. I'll tell you in documentation of next release, where that name is derived from. %% John LaTour's looking for you. He wants to know if it's possible to switch a CR-10 to a DCP. %% <[Sylph]> i've heard stories about some poor mugger witha knife attempting to mug an SCA member on the way home from a costume party <[Sylph]> apparently, the guy had a trenchcoat on, and when the chainmail under the trenchcoat stopped the knife, things became very interesting %% dude, the soxmas characters are getting a special on Comedy Central! %% I feel GUILT, I feel GUILT, though I ain't done nothin' wrong, I feel GUILT. %% Don't read it! Its pure concentrated red tape! %% Arun provides *whee* *whee* for the IRC. %% Someday, the entire world is gonna lose power at 2:51, and people will find out that it's the fault of one Geoff Raye, who works at the power company and has convinced every other employee there to run cron jobs at 2:51. %% Matt rants: $.25 %% Well, I guess it's time to get rid of the trenchcoat. %% shag carpets! %% scooby doo, and shaggy too! %% he's probably just tired and shagged out after a long squawk! %% meaningless shag %% shagbark hickory! %% shag-fu! %% I've now managed to replace two lines of back-tick oriented, traditional perl with six lines of object oriented perl. %% make the dem0nz go away please please * Asenath mutters incoherently about physical address to linear address mappings, descriptors, LDT's, and other esoteric topics tori: Have you been looking at Microsoft products again? %% I can see it now: Sesame Street's "The Monster at the End of This Post". :) %% %% 9 Tue 7/29/1997 Kevin Oberg Re: Web discussion 10 Tue 7/29/1997 Audrey Ishii Re: Web discussion "Web discussion" == we're going to argue about the web because we hold political grudges for age-old transgressions! I'm never coming to work again. %% Mr. Fu goes down inexplicably because GTR's been playing with experimental kernels.........$.50 %% Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious %% Do the Oscardance %% "If I'm gonna die for a word, that word is 'root'." %% $tmpfile = "/tmp/amanda.nwc.tmp.rdb"; # and why not? %% Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, Pkunk? %% leeloo programs perl: $.25 %% swrid "teaches" us about "love": $.25 %% actualy the first element returned is a canon hostnme actualy the fifth element returned to earth to save us from "evil." %% $pain =~ s/([\^\$\\\{\}\*\+\?\-\.\/\[\]\|\(\)])/\\\1/g; %% He was turned to steel In the great magnetic field %% "If love that seemed to fall from grace / Was sitting on your interface Your megahertz she can't forgive / Your love it died before you ever lived" ...it seems that Aerosmith has as keen a grasp of our modern age as Rush! %% I think I want the china, the good silver, and the portrait of Uncle %% I think I want the china, the good silver, and the portrait of Uncle Frank. And joint custody of the Vorlon. %% It's just your usual IMSA sociopath rejoicing at finding places he thinks he fits in. Eventually he'll learn more and realize it's all a lie, and then the self-loathing will start. %% "For the first two hours of his life, your Tamagothi will be a newborn, or "Battygothi", and require lots of Smack and Beatings to keep him from getting too excited about his new life, and to get him started on the road to misery!" %% Speed: If your Tamagothi becomes sleepy or lethargic, just give him a nice jolt of effedrine! Mmmm! %% Smack: On the other hand, if your Tamagothi gets too perky, a nice dose of smack is just the thing to keep him mopey and content! %% Lights: When your Tamagothi goes to sleep, the lights go on! When he wakes up, it's lights out! This keeps your Tamagothi dazed and grumpy, and gives him that attractive "restless" look! %% Meter: Use this tool to find out how your little friend is doing! If you keep him tired, hungry, and on the verge of suicide, you might end up with the best Tamagothi yet! %% Beat: Every growing child needs a good beating now and then! If your Tamagothi starts getting uppity, and begins to believe that he might be able to change the world instead of just mourning it, then you should beat him right back down into submission! %% Angst: This indicator goes on when your Tamagothi wants love and attention. The more you ignore it, the better your Tamagothi will turn out! He might even write some dismal poetry! %% Your Tamagothi will then become a "Babygothi", and spend the next few days coming to terms with how bleak his surroundings are. You'll have to keep a close eye on him, and give him lots of Speed to keep him teetering just on the brink of suicidal! %% (That's a joke, Geoff. You can laugh now. Ha! Ha! Okay...moving on...) %% #$tmpfile = "/tmp/amanda.nwc.tmp.rdb"; # and why not? $tmpfile = "/tmp/jen.nwc.tmp.rdb"; # i can't write on amanda :) %% zappy:/tmp/ > touch amanda.nwc.tmp.rdb touch: amanda.nwc.tmp.rdb: Permission denied %% c) La verko povus havi seriozan diskution dum kio la cxefaj personoj penas solvi lingistikan problemon. %% Ebullient Hamsters! %% ~Yes LORD VADERuptime 4:33pm up 3:44, 6 users, load average: 0.28, 0.17, 0.26 HMatt has a lame prompt. %% I one got drunk with a drunk in Fort Lauderdale Florina who told me, in an almost unintelligable slur "They used to call me Crispy" %% Rumor 2701: Okay, there's nothing really special about this one. %% Bad Pizza? I'm at Grog's! %% Cat %% Cat %% meaningless garbage %% deep and meaningful garbage %% mrw@zappy 08/01/97 8:08AM 29> echo `rumor` in bed yip yip yip yip yip yip yap yip yap BANG!~+++ NO TERRIER in bed %% mrw@zappy 08/01/97 8:12AM 38> echo `rumor` in bed [fellatio] in bed %% mrw@zappy 08/01/97 8:12AM 44> echo `rumor` in bed This is a rumor about pants. in bed How disappointing! %% We've been misspelling "Casbah". It's a bad song from the 80's. HTH. %% Funny, Gel Thelen doesn't look like Brian Sebby. in bed %% All the Japanese, with their yen... the party boys call the Kremlin. %% Yay for Baxter! %% Yay for Dervish! %% Monthly Mean...hmmm...funny that I should be calculating that. %% Reminder to Matt and Greg: Landlord's name: Sakolosky %% THANKS THE RAG %% austin-powers.isdn.uiuc.edu bigglesworth.isdn.uiuc.edu thats-not-my-bag-baby.isdn.uiuc.edu fembot.isdn.uiuc.edu shagadelic.isdn.uiuc.edu %% zappy:/tmp/ > touch amanda.nwc.tmp.rdb touch: amanda.nwc.tmp.rdb: Permission denied ---- Damned right. You see an mrw in that prompt anywhere? %% Orz not *make* one *great* %% "We believe that the secret to future victories is based [on] the need to balance the prodigious killing power of the American military system ... with the ability to maneuver, to gain positional advantage." %% Looking for an address, or a phone number? www.foureleven.com is *NOT* the place to look. %% I personally have a problem with PageMill, Netscape Navigator Fools Gold, BackPage and other WYSIWYG editors and it's mostly based on working for an Internet Service Provider. These tools are sorta-kinda-HTML generators, but I have a problem with sorta-kinda. I wouldn't want to go out with someone who was sorta-kinda like a woman, if you catch my drift. %% mrw@zappy 08/02/97 4:44PM 116> rumor -f 251 | grep %% | wc -l 28 Is that all? %% mrw@zappy 08/02/97 4:44PM 122> rumor -F rumor | grep %% | wc -l 252 %% I love percussive maintainence. %% No, Schooley's the man. Chewbacca's the wookie. %% The echo port has been shut down. down............. down............. down............. %% I hate rumors with embedded beeps. %% Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. Da da da. *** Jenny has left channel #usgs %% Friends don't let friends backseat drive drunk! %% What gives the psych department the right to have a weird name? I mean, the CS department knows what they're doing. %% As the philosopher Plautus observed in the 3rd century B.C., 'To blow and to swallow at the same moment is not easy!' %% BUT wait, the CVS doco has arrived, let the WILD RUMPUS BEGIN. %% ~Yes LORD VADERuptime 1:46pm up 4 days, 0:55, 14 users, load average: 0.25, 0.17, 0.11 In the future, all rumors include Matt's prompt. %% Never look a gift horse in the mouth; that's where they keep the lasers. %% yah know, it makes an amazing difference in how Xwindows looks, to wash the monitor. %% Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, Life goes on... %% Degauss in this resolution is mindbending. %% <[Miyu]> why waste money on acid when you have degauss? %% 251-5049 %% "They're not very nice insects," Holzer confesses. "They are a little bit smelly, and there's something about the way they move their antennae. But they look nicer when you put a little circuit on their backs and remove their wings." %% Bortevo is my turf. Don't ya mess 'round here, now git! %% Some cats, if they eat a certain type of nut, they become huge and can fly. %% Designed to fit any home decor -- two color options, Charcoal or Emerald %% * Jenny notices an amiga web browser in the stats. amiga! amiga! * mrw has a proxy orgasm for Zach %% "Past pecking has resulted in food pellets. You are here because you pecked. A food pellet dropped in your past." %% I'm on my way to Miami to kill a famous designer and kill myself in a houseboat. %% Why a spoon, cousin? Because it's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more! %% the integral of the drumor/dt is the number of rumors. Odd, that. %% Everybody be cool...this is a shrubbery! If any of you twigs move, I'll execute every last one of you. %% Where is Jared? %% stty: standard input: Not a typewriter %% Visit http://www.freeyellow.com/members/mpost/index.html if you have Internet Explorer. Netscape not running yet. %% Cheese in general has long been a comedy staple in platforms such as this, ont so much because of an intrinsic comedic value of the cheese itself but the reference therein. %% Well, thanks a pantload, Chet! %% True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting number than 0. -- larry %% gdfast: do you like chickens? *ManyFaces*: Yes, I like chickens. %% gdfast: Why do you like chickens? *ManyFaces*: I like because I am programmed that way. %% Donald Knuth was first published in Mad Magazine. %% the more I think about this the more I think we should just come home but...oh man yo ushould see the performers list. %% Sorry, I'm just a bit cynical about Barbie *** bitterness detected on #bayglez from Selenay %% Rumors are a virus from outer space! %% I am the termite of temptation! %% ATCHAFALAYA is a real word. %% they "try" to hard to be "hip"...too bad they keep "failing" %% gdfast@calliope:~/cheese/psdump 90> ls dots dot.dot.dot dot.dotdot.dot %% we need a rumor about pagans! %% I feel silly just sitting here and adding rumors all by myself... %% Some fuckin drug addict's just cut my cocaine with sani-flush! %% Tell them firmly: "I have no time to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal foo!" %% PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT WILL THOMAS WILL PARTICIPATE ALSO AS AN INSTRUCTOR FOR THE STATISTICAL APPROACH TO SURFACE WATER HYDROLOGYIC ANALYSIS COURSE THAT IS SCHEDULDED FOR NOVEMBER 17-21, 1997 IN DENVER, COLORADO %% 3) Yes, Geoff, Baxter is an orange cat. I think he's high on something. %% Student grades: Supervisors were reminded to stress the importance of good grades to students. %% I just found out...its Gandhi _not_ Ghandi. %% Dogs crawl under fences, software crawls under Windows. %% Do cosmonauts get seven years' bad luck for breaking a MIR? %% dammit I go out looking for my cat, you guys go out for a meal. this sucks. %% ux5|~ [16:32:37] 22> oed2 atchafalaya oed2: atchafalaya not found in OED2 %% RPC: rpc_send sending evil packet 1c89600 01000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 00000000 1f000000 %% Elvis eats boots. %% Elvis eats blue suede shoes. %% Larry eats green suede shoes. %% Julia eats green suede boots. %% muffin~/linux% time (make dep; make clean; make zImage; make module) zsh: correct 'module' to 'modules' [nyae]? %% UPS is picking up and dropping things again. %% I will likely become the WRD Web application CZAR!!! %% > Network down at 11:59 on Aug 21 97 * gdf kicks dilchm * gdf kicks columbus * gdf kicks reston grr! > it's back now. > Total downtime: 0.3 minutes %% nexxt: More than enough. %% <|Miyu|> you'd think from the way that i talk that i'm a sex-crazed nympho <|Miyu|> some days, you might be correct =) %% SATIN went down again... SATAN went down again... SATEN went down again... SE7EN went down again... SEVEN went down again... %% whose right bracket? %% Zach cleans anything: $.25 %% anything relates to 251-5049: $.251 %% Buffer *Phases of Moon* is not associated with a file %% Also from what I have heard AlphaServers "eat hits for breakfast". %% I don't see how the economy has improved so much. I'm still living in a crude dirt hole, with nothing to eat but nuts and berries. Oh, wait. I'm a vole. %% <[Ben]> I NEED SEEEEEEEEEEEEEX@#$ <[Ben]> whoa... I didn't just say that %% I like shaved pork. Do they have shaved pork? %% [ 52: Lars Wirzenius ] SeX 0.13 - Simple editor for X %% He who controls the Spice Girls controls the universe! %% THE FTS LINES TO NORTH CAROLINA DISTRICT OFFICE ARE DOWN. WE DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY WILL BE BACK UP!! %% @IMSA=qw(jared taco_sauce arun zach hmatt); %% oops I forgot jenny, hope she doesn't see that rumor and feel left out %% ah... so that's what a groogroo is... %% Search the tributaries, not the channels. %% Pumpernickel, "a coarse, dark, slightly sour bread made of unbolted rye", is from German, as one might expect. The word was originally used in German as an insulting term for anyone considered disagreeable. Its elements are pumpern, "to break wind", and Nickel, "a goblin; devil; rascal", originally a nickname from Nicholas. Pumpernickel, in other words, literally means "farting bastard". %% This text is part of the internal format of your mail folder, and is not a real message. It is created automatically by the mail system software. If deleted, important folder data will be lost, and it will be re-created with the data reset to initial values. %% I have proven the difference between us: you just suck. %% "What I mean is the California Buddhists are trying to sit on the sidelines and there *are* no sidelines. Whether you like it or not, you are committed to the human endeavor. I can not ally myself with such a purely negative goal as the avoidance of suffering. Suffering is a chance you have to take by the fact of being alive." -- william s burroughs, in a letter to kerouac %% "I think the only way we can improve safety ... is by being more safe." %% Pack your luggage. Leave all your warez behind. %% What about realtime data? Have we started feeding it? %% I think Jesus told some pretty good jokes. - ZCM %% No, 'elm' will not let me use IRC. %% bigglesworth! %% Dammit, where's my cat? %% Were Rebo and Zooty references to real people? No, not intended as tributes to anyone, just a cool sounding pair of names (but also annoying sounding). %% What do I need to access the Web? %% Should we remove from the WEB? %% drumor/dt is really dropping off. %% nuke2fs should be a command %% I love how Windows 95 demonstrates its power: new and better screen savers! %% Austin Powers (Mike Meyers) strikes a pose with the Fembots. %% This sort of thing isn't my bag, baby! %% We need to make a rumor desktop theme %% EXIT Not an Exit %% All rumours should be in British spelling while we're in Canada. -akb %% BEWARE OF ATTACKING BIRDS %% Caves are cool. Let's get out there and relate to this one. %% Dammit, Matt, you were born to be a drunkard. %% For your protection we wear disposable gloves and hats when handling your food purchases. %% Organic life forms have no sense of fun. %% Root River, Ontario, CA. %% scales, propane, friend chicken, clean restrooms %% Sea Lamprey control centre %% Sorry- Jupiter is not feeling well today. %% When a star crashes, it leaves behind a core. %% Where's Uranus? New York. Write that down. -gtr and akb %% echo `rumor` or else. %% 14. What's the best ever Muppet sketch? Mahna Mahna, with Mahna Mahna and the two Snowths. Even now, you sing "doo doo do doo doo" under your breath every time someone says "phenomena," don't you? You know you do. %% mu. I unask every question that has been posed, because if they have to be answered, I would like to suggest that they are not ready to be answered. %% If you make "!!" into a rumor, does it just display the previous rumor again? %% Deep recursion on subroutine "%s" (W) This subroutine has called itself (directly or indirectly) 100 times than it has returned. This probably indicates an infinite recursion, unless you're writing strange benchmark programs, in which case it indicates something else. %% no subroutine returning subroutine for us johnny...only anon refs! %% but kill -9 made all the pain disappear %% Was LILO the program in Milo and Otis? %% Cars and Trucks and Things that Go! %% George Clinton is coming to Champaign-Urbana. That's Funky. %% its Jared and HMatt, they're lame, and they'll leave. %% This program may post news to many machines. Are you absolutely sure that you want to do this? [ny] n %% Order some delicious Chinese food from Internet before going there: http://www.chinawok.com Hope this help you a bit. %% "So when I die, the first thing I will see in heaven is the rumor file?" %% Do you like gladiator movies? %% Do you know what a "turkish bath" is? %% smeghead. %% I've watched ER for more than two seasons, but I still don't know if they have actors pretending to be patients, or are the patients "real". How about those in traumas and surgery, where they have to be cut open? Does anyone know? Thanks. %% Seven horsemen walk into a bar. Three of them stay behind and get drunk. %% There is no screen to be resumed. %% /msg nyar neil, your mom is on the phone, come downstairs. My house is scary and it's not even on the net yet. %% I'm an NP-complete loser! %% You don't even get a lousy copy of our home page! %% The updates have been going smoothly. In fact, I'd rate it as one of the most successful software conversions I've seen. No serious bugs, users seem happy -- can't beat that! %% And your sparring parner shall be... Yatoshi, eater of souls! %% "You may never have to pay for other forms of advertising again!" %% If you prefer to watch our virus free online movie just click here http://www.impactmarketing.com/demo.exe %% Can we serve nanchos at the drive through windows? Can we serve monkey brains at the drive through windows? How much should we charge? %% Patty's one of our best visual designers (she did the wildly popular landscape banner design) and can give the page some pizzaz. %% I look forward to a cheery phone call or email from you soon!! %% Iain Banks says that his fans don't get together in the same way that, say, Star Trek fans do. What happens, he says, is that one will sidle up to another in the street and say, "Psst. You read _The Wasp Factory_?" and they would grin evilly at each other for a few moments before moving on. %% >"lrgs.er.usgs.gov" is your lrgs, correct? This implies that the lrgs >can accept an X-connection to display the X-status window. I don't >think this is the case. This should be directed to a DG workstation >or an X-terminal. %% Silly Rabbi, kicks are for tridds! %% Whoever removed the section of chain and lock from the back gate please replace it ASAP before I go postal... %% Now that I've vented a little (and feel somewhat better), I'll say goodbye for now. I look forward to a cheery phone call or email from you soon!! %% "The purpose of this cource is to reduce the social effect of Comptuer Science" %% bash: your_freaking_head_in: command not found %% "I read that piece on Mr. Paws in the latest Cat Fancy--we all did," neighbor Paula Corcoran said. "That kitten is crap." %% "What's in the box?" "A marble, and it isn't near the box." %% we're almost up to 3000 moomoo's %% 'Kalabash' is the word that makes the dog pee in the movie Zach saw. %% I'm dyin', boys! %% http://www.reference.com/cgi-bin/pn/go?choice=Search&search=advanced&groups=alt.gopher&ranking=Date %% So, you're saying that I really really piss off YVHW every time I invoke emacs to do perl? %% I vote for Coasters. I'm a Coaster, she's a Coaster, wouldn't you like to be a Coaster too? %% "Federal researchers found that college students are too fat, smoke and drink too much, and don't use condoms." %% Trying to connect to prep.ai.mit.edu... Welcome, archive user! %% If you want CVS certified as year 2000 compliant, Cyclic may be interested in doing this for our customers (if interested, let us know what "compliant" and "certify" mean to you). %% if we have to install sqlnet I am going to demand WARTIME PAY %% It's time for the corn IV! %% Abort (and dump core)? (y or n) %% No, actually the boy is quite astute, I am trying to kill him. %% At rAt the age of 14 a Zoro-Astrian ritually shaved my testicles. %% Cheapcheap! Twathead! Thy pants mush be raunchy from over use! %% Borg! You're a Picard! %% Mum! Dad! Don't touch it! It's ELVIS!! %% Mum! Dad! Don't touch it! It's Michael J. Fox!! %% Mum! Dad! Kick it's ass! It's Fox Mulder! %% we need a Meaningful Conversation rumor, so we can echo it to channel %% Just goes to show you, Maxwells Crystals cannot be switched for blood... %% I had this dream about doing battle with satan. It was hell. %% and like satan was a pod people. %% they show you palette expanders when you are young and you go: Ahh please hurt me, don't give me one of those. %% Statuation flaunt %% to paraphrase fromt he BLACK TIGER book: "perl prints SCALAR(0x12423432) because perl's philosophy is 'don't just complain about it, do something'" %% and i emailed userhelp@cs.uiuc.edu to yell at them and make them install a telnet client other than microsofts.. and i got email from brian sebby %% Larry is my GrooGroo stuff. %% -e Everything (all record types); equivalent to specifying `-xMACFROGWUT'. %% Jerry Lewis isn't a video game. Yet. %% The team consisted of highly dedicated people who poured their full energies and time into a exceedingly important task, and along the way, learned a great deal about our organization, warts and all. %% I'm not sure exactly how i'm supposed to feel about my recent promotion to shuttlecraft. -kcs %% People who don't know about binary numbers should not be allowed to use computers. -Skeel %% Huma. Remember him? %% I want to know what airline goes from Champaign to Japan! %% For those of us without fingers, this seemed to be a very insensitive comment. Nubs are just as good for counting as fingers, and hey, I bet you've never had anybody ask you to pull their nub. Or wait, maybe you have. %% In the majority of cases, these reports are 'false'. The truth is these are actually computer virus 'hoaxes'. %% For future reference, here ia a list of the more commonly known computer hoaxes: Penpal Greetings, Good Times, AOL4Free, Deeyenda, Free Money, Irina. Below, is a list of new computer hoaxes: Buddylst.zip, Budsaver.exe, Join the Crew, Returned or Unable to Deliver. %% Your cookie has expired. No more rumors for you, only death. %% AND ANDROID WAS SEEN IN JAPAN ENGLAND TCHEHC REP. UKRAIN JORDAN ISRAEL FRENCE CHICAGO... ******EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS ON MY WEB PAGE!!!!!****** HTTP://WWW.NETVISION.NET.IL/~MIMO %% i'm dying! i'm dying! i have a papercut the size of a REALLY LONG SHLONG %% *In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. *In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal. %% You cannot escape from window 0! %% Have you notified the NWC 'users' of the 'backup' system? %% "I was busy writing this regular expression..." -- zcm %% rumor doesn't add rumors; addrumor does. %% DON'T YOU LOVE CAPS IN ALL E-MAIL? %% Neosporinlicious! %% Bowling for justice! Bowling for righteousness! Bowling for food! %% huh? who is She? indefinite pronoun, feminine form. :) %% DO NOT KILL HYDRA PROCESSES! THEY ARE NOT STUCK THEY JUST LOOK LIKE IT. %% It might be better than 'crossing your fingers.' %% No, 'scan' will not list the users on a channel. %% "Todd's the doorbreaker. Twisted exit-maker. Yeah." --Calvin %% as dictated by the laws of conservation of 2515049... 2515049 never +really *leaves* the universe, it just changes form.. %% I want you to be fully aware of your role in Usenet. It goes like this: Bill Gates is the organ grinder, playing a song called "Web TV". You are the little monkey in a bright red hat hopping up and down and acting silly for our amusement. %% I noticed that I have no pictures off you without your head exploding. %% In the majority of cases, these reports are 'false'. The truth is these are actually computer virus 'hoaxes'. %% Me being drunk is the best thing that happened to the pot pie! -mrw %% I likw Wiccans, bound or tied! %% When you need to make a note to yourself, Addrumor. ~Yes LORD VADERAddrumor CORRECT>addrumor (y|n|e|a)? no Addrumor: Command not found. so much for that. %% We would also like to thank the following Cats and Idols Extrordinaire Sivitri, Zappy, Muffin, Calliope, Mr. Fu, Ginger, and Ruby. %% AGAIN with the mallard! %% mrw: M-x praise-be-unto-xemacs (jlgable) zappy:/home/jlgable/public_html/form/ > xvi calforms.pm & %% Remember Lanfear's Law: h2o is not an experimental machine, our whole system depends on it being there! Whatever's done must be done in fail-safe mode, so if it doesn't work, we can quickly undo. %% Do the Bears somehow malign the species of bears? Perhaps the sideline antics of the Honey Bears clearly puts the false impression of buxom breasts into the minds of children everywhere, causing them to run out into the wilderness and be mauled by grizzleys? %% By the way, I loved the part where he created the molten creatures and added "pure energy" to them. Hey, we wouldn't want these creatures contaminated with any impure energy, would we? %% Resources for parents (and children) are slim. In many bookstores and libraries, the only book that comes close is Curious George Goes to the Hospital. No books are available to answer anxious parents' questions and provide information and reassurance. %% Retraction: The "Greek Special" is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge 18 inch penis, as ... described in [an ad]. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday's as may have caused. %% No, the Keebler Satan manufacturers. %% Bananas, in pajamas, ARE EATING YOUR SISTER! %% Sweet merciful crap! MY CAR!!! %% I bought some instant coffee and put it in the microwave... I went back in time. %% "Hear Ye Gods and little fishes..." %% He was turned to steel In the great man magic field %% In the majority of cheese, these rapaports are 'farce'. The trvth is these are actually commuter visor 'hacks'. %% All right! I just got parental approval to buy a pickaxe! -mjh %% mike, the discussion was about registration policies, not your rejection from u of i's honors program... %% You clover all of relativity in 2 leeks. %% If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. %% In its new location it is easier to get at the printouts than formerly, but we are working on making that less convenient. %% Once you have this running and go away (change jobs? get hit by a beer truck? get mad at Ken? get promoted to District Chief?), SOMEONE has to keep up with it. %% #local $0 = $filename; #this core dumps!? *0 = \$filename; %% compare the 10 or even 40G cost of a beefy machine to the salary of the full time sysadmin no, because 8G pays Arun's salary, yes? and if Arun were named the official h2o admin heads would fly that's a half person. some of them chopped of by arun himself it's a third of a GS-11 %% Elvis eats Pineapple. %% Dude, that's his X-Face. %% "As a military historian, I know of a far greater threat than land mines: Welsh longbows. Why, those things cut down scores of French infantrymen during the Battle of Agincourt." %% He ain't heavy, he's my brother! %% Hasbro is cool. Theil lego is a framing germ. %% > Is it true that the Comp students are planning a coup d'etat? yes. %% Where is Jared? %% Meow... How'd you like those apples? %% tar: Cowardly refusing to create an empty archive %% Check out the Hottest New Teen Sex Site on the Internet !!! There are Girls doing things that will "Blow" your mind. %% See you next week loyal FORTRAN troops, Cmdr. Momin %% what are gweeds? %% If dolphins are so smart, why do they live in igloos? %% 'n/a' = data 'not available'. Does not mean 'Free' %% http://www.rubber-chicken.com/ %% I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose! %% "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play." %% I'll be at a Great Lakes meeting for most of the rest of the week. Angel will be acting. Dan %% Are 'friends' electric? %% (this message came from Hamburg/Germany) %% "jesus christ, you've got a toupee on your cock!" %% Perl was constructed by Hitler as a means to bring the Nazi party into power. The use of Lisp by the general populace (especially those people of Jewish descent) was considered to be inferior, due to the nature of the word "Lisp" [1] and was usually considered an affectation, impediment, or defect. %% If gay people are not allowed to marry, then straight people should not be allowed to decorate. %% "Who "Who chewed on the mouse adapter?" "It's not like we use it. And it tastes good." %% The Man is 95% Full (waning gibbous) %% Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boatride! %% I've got two words for you: Danny Bonaduce. %% The rumor count is not increasing fast enough, Scotty. I'm givin her all she's got, cap'tin. (Of course, it could be argued that if the only new rumors are going to be this dumb, then the tail-off is acceptable.) %% I tried to dance at a funeral... %% I'd rather take buttered sheepfucking than econ %% chicks dig fumbling indicates sincerity. I'm very sincere. %% today is The End. please dress appropriately %% find / -name xvi -exec rm -f {} \; %% When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. %% First, look at the length. Then, look at the first seven characters. 2515049. Where do we know that number from? %% Micron screws up or otherwise delays an order: $2525.25 %% Funny, Gel Thelen doesn't look like Brian Sebby. in bed Yeah, Brian has much larger vestigial bosoms. %% I don't like the idea of someone including my drosophila in their data. %% every pine is a tool if you configure it right. %% "...you may live in a quiet suburb, outside Des Moines or somewhere, and suddenly your local school will be burned down, by some gang of fringe fanatics protesting against the use of lead-filled pencils in classrooms. I think that's what we have to look forward to. That plus the Internet and virtual reality." -- j.g. ballard %% if anyone you want sale this book why not call this address. %% * gdf gives up on gnats > too many bugs? yup %% Badtimes will give you nightmares about circus midgets. %% Go get a pat of the back award!!! %% Is it wrong of me to exit tna with kill -9 from the nearest command line? %% Here I've been playing Goldeneye on the N64 for two days now, and what's the first result of a rumor -c? 3007 Go figure. %% J, for aw jeah %% Sex? Yes, please! %% Aw, show a little backbone, will ya? %% Asps. Very dangerous. You go first. %% The DIS Java page causes Linux-based Netscape to crash. I love DIS. %% And the rest of you, well, just rattle your jewelry. %% "I'm preparing for a cooperative website review with Lorna Kendrix." "Sharpen your spoon" --mrw and gtr %% I'll give you some feedback. %% Soylent zsh is perl! %% Orsaken är att slocal sätter upp en timeout som är längre än systemet klarar av (bytes * 60 + 300 sekunder), vilket gör att den anropas direkt och slår ihjäl subprocessen. %% "What's in the box?" "Moonlight." %% The modem just said 'Thank you.' %% As long as I don't wrestle Margaret, everything will be fine. %% Your Shopping Cart lives to serve. Give it purpose--fill it with books! %% |\ _,,, ,---,,_ /x`.-'`' {Xx_ _xxXXx_ x{ -. ;-;;,_ |x4- ) )-,_ }~^Xx _xxXXXx_ _xX"} ,\ ( `'-' '---''(_/--' ~~ ~~ `-' \_) Poor Kitty. %% A Shotcreted Gabion Mattress as a Principal Spillway %% I'M GOING TO RESTART SWRID; AND THEN BEAT THE TALKING GOAT. %% Network down at 7:46 on Oct 10 97 Network back at 7:47 on Oct 10 97 Total downtime: 0.5 minutes Network down at 7:49 on Oct 10 97 Network back at 7:49 on Oct 10 97 Total downtime: 0.5 minutes Network down at 7:51 on Oct 10 97 Network back at 7:52 on Oct 10 97 Total downtime: 0.5 minutes Network down at 7:54 on Oct 10 97 Network back at 7:54 on Oct 10 97 Total downtime: 0.5 minutes Network down at 9:32 on Oct 10 97 Network back at 9:34 on Oct 10 97 Total downtime: 1.8 minutes %% Let me put it this way. If you had been socialized since birth to be agreeable, non-domineering, elegant (as much as you can), etc..., essentially, to be "feminine", would you stick out your tongue to express a negative impression? I think not. I think you are expressing comfort with the company of the tongue-stick target, and possibly, consciously or uncousciously, sublimating the desires caused by oral expressions of affection during your childhood. That's right, Jim. She wants you. Because she thinks you're her dad. %% Where is Jared? %% People are still using lex. %% TOP SECRET PROP ARMY INTEL 9906753 DO NOT OPEN %% "My last will and testament for TeX and METAFONT is that their version numbers ultimately become $\pi$ and $e$, respectively. At that point they will be completely error-free by definition." -- donald knuth %% Lapful of potato salad!!!! %% I have a serious case of swamp-ass. %% We have faster elevators than the West, therefore we are superior! %% I wouldn't want to be Edward Exeley right now for all the whiskey in Ireland. %% I woulnd't want to be Krishna Sarma right now for all the whiskey in Reston. %% William Wallace Grainger killed 50 men. %% Theorem: a cat has nine tails. Proof: No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a cat has nine tails. %% "Something about sitting in this chair turns you into Matt Williams!" -mjh %% I have two TURNTABLES and a 4-ASS'ED SQUIRREL! %% "So, there's this dance my fraternity is holding tomorrow, want to come?" "See these rings? These are a symbol of gay pride. I'm a lesbian." "So, um, does that mean you don't want to go on a date?" %% No Cash for you Johnny...only FRANK SINATRA! %% Life with Christians somewhat burned Hexe. %% I'm a carbon atom. %% You might want to talk to Capt Kirk while in Reston, if time permits. %% Catch you with my blowfish-bag! %% Where is Jared? %% If the penguins of death ever appear in the upper left hand corner of your nightmare, do not, under any circumstances, feed them cheese. %% Your studio isn't very stud. %% You might want to talk to Capt Kirk while in Reston, if time permits. %% BEEFCAKE! %% 268 rumors contain the word rumor. The rumor file _is_ self aware. %% Newton had an apple fall on his head, he gave it to Eve to try to impress her somehow and then she gave it to that adam guy because she wanted to seduce him and then man destroyed God, man created dinosaurs, and the dinosaur ate the serpent that bite Newton and eveything turned out well. %% Wallace and Grommit killed 50 men. %% We've been been misspelling "calabash." A calabash can be a gourd found in western Africa or a bowl made out of the gourd. %% Forbidden You don't have permission to access /security-breach on this server. %% "I must have pressed the wrong button unless you're my wife's boyfriend." %% The French word for glaze is e'mail. %% "That's not twisted, that's cool!" -kao %% Im into perl because I didnt want to use fortran. perl can oo into libs -- but in c -- nix 4trn? So whatyagot? //dingobreath %% dude we went over 3000 and didn't even party...:( %% So what's at 901 W. Illinois, anyway? %% > how about CONTROL > TLW %% Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head". %% swrid has been restarted by Hexe. %% The GRIGRI is not a substitute for skilled, vigilant belaying! %% "You weren't interested in Netscape back then..." "Did it read mail then?" - kao and gloria %% the secret phrase is "pink mailboxes are cool to paint green" %% she's a cat. cats are like that. my cat likes ice. Kristi's cat likes bathrobes. she dances across the room sideways, arun... that's cute. it's psycho. sure she thinks she's a biped sometimes, but not everyone can be that way. %% nwis_www is a "port" of the Prime nwis_www.cpl. It runs the wxtrnwis extraction software for use by the anyone running the "Montana" or similar realtime data www software. %% "Programs are no place for creative names." Skeel and Keiper, _Elementary Numerical Computing with Mathematica_, p. 114. %% een, even %% I have sent mail to the WEB people to put it back on the web. %% That woman's got me in her trick bag again! %% * Processed sales transactions while implementing professionalism and thoroughness. %% The trouble with Scotland is that it's full of Scots! %% When you take out Mr. Bond's heart, there should be just enough time for him to see it stop beating. %% fuck this cheese, man. %% hey, let's blow this popsicle stand %% rm * cvs checkout * cvs checkout: cannot find module `' - ignored Damn, cvs isn't as cool as RCS. %% Think I'd better dance now... %% la la la %% It's not unusual, baby. %% I'm still the same old broken piece of clay. %% don't blame me i voted unabomber! %% TQM? Total Quality Management or Ten Queer Monkeys rule by committee... oh. heheh. the web committee was born of a TQM effort. gotcha. while committees suck, they have more of a clue than any other given member on Illinois' web committee. %% if love's a love why can't i touch it? does it feel like jello or like fire? %% Ah...Amerikanski humor. Is most funny. We bomb now. %% Ah...Amerikanski humor. Is most funny. We bomb now. jms %% You know, Urnnus is the most dangerous planet. %% "No cyberterrorists shall gain access to my data--I'm protected by the coolest password ever: Shadowfax. Oh, no, I said it aloud! My hubris has undone me once again!" %% "I have just signed legislation outlawing Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." --President Regan before a nation radio broadcast, unaware that the mike was already turned on. %% For those of you who may not know, the waste container in the lot labeled "cardboard" is for CARDBOARD. %% The white blocky stuff in cardboard boxes is known as "styrofoam". This is not cardboard. Do not put big blocks of "styrofoam" in or on the waste container labeled "cardboard". %% Embedded in bed. Rumor %% buffalo soldier. dreadlock rasta. %% To me, the film version of _Starship Troopers_ is summed up by what must certainly be the singly most brilliant image in cinema this year: the bizarre juxtaposition of Dougie Howser in a black SS trench coat. %% Whee! Free chicks! %% like: sediment tech memos rigid right-handed rectifier aka 30" ballbat %% %% Microsoft IE Is there no security? Not if you ask me. %% * BLong ponders pickles %% The old woman falls to the ground. %% Did he say making fuck? %% "Tim Allen got my sexual priveledges revoked." -gdf %% I love our office %% Users do not know what they want until programmers fail to give it to them. %% Peas! Eggs! Whee! %% rumorbot conquers efnet. %% Note that two flags apply to files only, while the other five apply to files and processes. One flag (bit8) is unused. %% rb: Can't you tell us something useful or helpful? This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful, but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. %% For punishment, you shall pet Hexe. %% If we continue to force the little plastic cap into the cardboard paper rolls, the cap will eventually break. %% Soon, in fact, Microsoft will realize that "Jungle Monkey" is an integral part of the Windows NT experience, and will deny OEMs permission to ship copies of Windows NT without Jungle Monkey. %% Unfortunately, there remain certain "issues" with the Jungle Monkey implementation, such as Jungle Monkey's tendency to go insane and begin randomly slaughtering innocent bystanders upon the occurance of a "Blue Screen Of Death," (which would naturally upset Jungle Monkey greatly) but Microsoft promises that these issues will be improved upon in NT Service Pack 5. %% Colorado has no natural disasters. %% Over 1100 wild bison were killed in Yellowstone last winter by the State of Montana! %% Oops! Edmar slept through Cyborg's feeding time again. %% meaningless chit-chat %% Unix - What is Unix? Unix is one of the earlier operating systems developed for the computer. The latest version was launched a few years ago and is called Unix System 5. Unix unlike other operating systems does not crash. It is also very complex compared to other Operating Systems. Unix will not work with software developed for other Operating Systems, and there is VERY little software being developed for it, and they are not being advertised commercially. Also the development software(compilers, editors, and so on)are extremely old and not being developed for it anymore. To program Unix applications you now have to program them in another Operating System and tell the Compiler to create a Unix Application. Should you program in Unix? No. If you were around when Unix was popular you would be able to program in Unix. There now is no or little help, market, and resources. People who can program for Unix were born with the computer and today can program in many different Operating Systems and languages. %% tell me what you want, cowboy. * mrw checks to see if he has enough dough a "spice girl" with "extra mayo" that's not really a sandwich, is it? %% In the future, we will put pointy things next to bumpy things. --D.Byrne %% We've been misspelling "Calabash". Calabash is German for "e-mail". %% R U M/F? YES that should be a rumor %% Dressed as a juggler, Nick proudly demonstrates his skills. He juggles three balls at a time. After his difficult performance, Nick will treat himsel to Junior Juice. %% there is nothing purer than logging out of srv1 by typing "kill -9 -1" %% Oops! That was Jennifer Sharpe, not Jennifer Samples in my Pat-on-back recognition. I had "water-quality samples" on my mind or maybe it was Junior Samples (of He Haw! fame). I thank him too for years of comic relief (We good ole Jawja boys got to stick together). %% U.S. NEWS-- .....Septuplets 'warm, pink and comfortable' %% Preparation 666! %% If God can create a beer too disgusting for Him to drink, then there is something He cannot drink. If God cannot create a beer too disgusting for Him to drink, then there is something He cannot create. If there is something He cannot drink, then He is not omnipotent. If there is something He cannot create, then He is not omnipotent. Therefore God should not go to Kam's. %% Share the fresh water with kindness. %% Welcome to central Anabru. %% you wanna be my man, you gotta fetch it with you when you come! %% X-A-N-D-E-R-D-R-A-X! Xander Drax, starts and ends with X! %% There's a large group of Venusian polygamists outside. All booked until next week. %% Devil...watch him. If he moves, eat him. %% guppy! %% It wasn't silver...it was green. Ah, jade, perhaps. %% Float away, ya faerie! %% old jungle saying. %% echo `rumor` -- old jungle saying. | addrumor %% I like shakespear because he was the SPACE BARD! %% its shakespeare %% Hey, Todd, I want to asex you up. %% Who is SCO? SCO stands for the Santa Cruz Operation. You may not know us, but odds are you've used at least one of our products! (Ever heard of UNIX?) %% La-di da-di, free John Gotti %% meow~% tickadj -h Silly value for tick: -h %% "Hackers have a glorified place in most of our minds. This is a shame. The Internet is an electronic community that requires the trust and responsibility of its members. Hackers betray this trust and ignore their responsibilities." %% I am a SUPER HERO! %% Little Girlie Combo! %% but i do not take sick leave when i suffer from mere dementia. %% I love this: Godzirra, many-hundreds-of-feet-high lizard of doom, giving advice about why ftpd won't allow Kate Moss to FTP in to his machine. %% "I thought you were dead." "Yeah, I get that a lot." %% Hey, baby...wanna surf my watershed? %% Hey, baby...wanna dereference my pointer? %% WE GET YOU SIR! %% Tomorrow Never Dies! %% Meaningless GarBage...InterCapped. %% I get knocked down, but I get up again. %% Palm Pilot...sounds vaguely obscene. %% Well, he certainly left with his tails between his legs. %% No, but they managed to prove that women who are given double the normal bandwidth score higher on physics exams than right-handed men who refuse to eat fish. %% The restrooms in Reston have scheduled downtime. %% I'm a peeker, I'm a poker, I'm a kmalloc'er. Do my coding on a Sun. %% May the water you find in the desert not shine at you in the dark. %% The color force, also known as the strong nuclear force, gets its name not from any real color that we can see, but because scientists could not think of what to call it. The force itself is real though. %% "SAFETY FIRST, EVERY JOB, EVERY TIME" %% perl -e 'print 2.5.1;' %% pydo-code %% I'm sorry Dave...I can't do that. OPEN THE DOOR, AND STOP CALLING ME DAVE! %% Tick, you can't fight evil with a macaroni duck! -Arthur, "The Little Wooden Boy and the Belly of Love" %% Little chubby birds! %% No, man...Emacs "is". %% Bond...James Bond. %% so when will the rumor file be too big for vi to open? %% "What's that? And why did you get it sent here?" "I had to--Karla would get mad. She thinks it's stupid to spend $600 on an LP." "Karla's right. Why don't you just spend $13 on a CD?: %% Sometimes when I'm editing web pages, I pretend I'm a steam shovel moving large quantities of earth around, and I make lots of rumbling whirring heavy machinery noises. %% the RSM is no more than a router on a stick. %% No, we are not having white elephants sing at the Christmas party this year. %% You can't be a Real Country unless you have a BEER and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a BEER. - frank zappa %% looking for assembly math libraries with the keywords "Assembly" and "Sin" is NOT going to return what i want %% He is SO "old-school," he INFLUENCED Bob Marley! %% SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZUKI OFF@#!!@#$# %% "Ethyl the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying" %% CS is inferior in fitness to AA. %% As one judge said to another: "Be just, and if you can't be just, be arbitrary." %% "On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." %% My mock is a killing bird. %% My name is a mocking bird. %% Mockingbird is a killing word. %% My word is a mocking bird. %% > ls -l hydra.h2oupdate.tgz -------rw- 1 web web 16955 Dec 16 09:32 hydra.h2oupdate.tgz What kind of umask is that!@#!@# %% %% Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. %% Fabric: 1000 denier cordura nylon mesh. Weight: 2 lb., 5 oz./1,049 gm. %% alias soup echo "no soup for you" %% Though countless agitators, malcontents and miscreants may exhort their fellow disaffected outsiders to "Fuck The Man," the undeniable fact remains that The Man will never be fucked, because nobody fucks with The Man. %% There is a difference between using something as a tea bag and a Kleenex, Greg. -- mrw %% >>>>>(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a cup of coffee? >>>>>COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key %% NFS silly_rename cleanup failed (err = 2) %% For many reasons the meeting can't be delayed so January 7-9 in Urbana is it for the web developers meeting. Can you promise good weather! %% You might consider sending the attached section 500.11 to all districts as a reminder so that others do not get "shotgun greetings" %% *** Signoff: gRRlie (Ping timeout: 251 seconds) %% These less sophisticated hackers, called "Script Kiddies" in computer slang, are easier to detect and eradicate than educated ones because of standardized behavior and because they do not have experience to know when to abort a hacking attempt and often make repeated attempts at re-entry. %% What is double plus good about having a cat with a weird name like this is that I have named many a Sun workstation after her. %% We also detected a U-boat trying to infiltrate across the border from Wisconsin, but they were successfully repulsed. :) %% How come dry-board erasers never fit on dry-board boards? %% "Do you have your teddy bear there? Yes? Burn it." -- Heide %% Is Jesse Helms stromming his own Thurman? %% Cum see Scoobie-Doo give Daphne da bone. %% "We were talking about Jean-Claude Van Damme, and decided that he needs an acting double." -- Brian Peterson %% Do the Utwig dance. %% This year, no man has distinguished himself by relentlessly dominating society, controlling the global marketplace, and keeping the little guy down quite like the man we honor here today, and that man is The Man. %% Whizz! Whrr! I'm a tape drive! %% Always refreshing, never bitter, quench your thirst with a tall cool glass of fishcam. %% Does Anna understand "drool"? %% My silly message is posted over and over. I am an embarassment to the SG ranks! %% Dammit! bc doesn't handle imaginary numbers. Bah! Rewrite it in Perl! -mrw and gdf %% yow * Bohr just bought some computer speakers with a subwoofer Jedi Knight now kicks MAJOR ass *** Ignoring ALL messages from BOHR %% As I went walking throught the woods Humming a tune so gaily The wind came whistling through the trees And froze my ukelele. %% And we've got a plastic chicken in the office. Just so you know. %% Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mundane educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and *educate yourself* if you've got any guts. Some of you like *pep rallies* and plastic robots who tell you what to read. Forget I mentioned it. *This song has no message.* Rise for the flag salute. %% ever since I woke up today, I've felt like I was kicked in the groin in the middle of the night. %% To he who grew up tall and proud beneath the shadow of a mushroom cloud. %% Web...destroying...brain functions... %% Rumor, rumor, rumor, I'll make you out of mSQL. %% > We also detected a U-boat trying to infiltrate across the border from > Wisconsin, but they were successfully repulsed. :) Good work, Cap'n! Arun %% 311 TanAdept is raye@meow.obscurity.net (Geoff Raye) 319 on channels: @#starcontrol @#rumor @#nethack @#cats @#aol 312 on irc via server irc.ais.net (American Information Systems-Chicago) 301 TanAdept is away: ASM 317 TanAdept has been idle for 2 hours 5 minutes 1 second %% "Ethyl the Alcohol Goes Quantity Surveying" %% okay. get your linguistic dick out. where does the word "computer" come from? %% That's pretty much the International Sign for 'Run Away', when you see Marv Albert in a garter belt, toupee askew. %% obviously, I'm inferior because I never took Ling200 to be handed an A with a blowjob. it was a mighty good blowjob. %% Yucky packet loss. 64 bytes from 198.88.183.254: icmp_seq=0 ttl=50 time=155.3 ms 64 bytes from 198.88.183.254: icmp_seq=1 ttl=50 time=154.8 ms 64 bytes from 198.88.183.254: icmp_seq=3 ttl=50 time=129.1 ms 64 bytes from 198.88.183.254: icmp_seq=9 ttl=50 time=135.7 ms 64 bytes from 198.88.183.254: icmp_seq=11 ttl=50 time=137.2 ms 64 bytes from 198.88.183.254: icmp_seq=13 ttl=50 time=136.6 ms %? Latency's not that bad, but look at the loss. 43 on 22 lines primes! the net's trying to communicate! hahah almost %% *** Signoff: regs (Fucking roommates.) %% if the toupee fits, you must acquit! %% Who decides? It is written. %% pager, pager, pager, I wish you'd go away. %% Faggot! What did you call me? A bundle of sticks! %% In America, everything is larger! %% ~Yes LORD VADERuptime 1:46pm up 4 days, 0:55, 14 users, load average: 0.25, 0.17, 0.11 In the future, all rumors include Matt's prompt. /home/mrw mrw@zappy 01/05/98 11:30AM 70> addrumor %% Unlike Spinal Tap, ssh doesn't go to eleven. ;-) %% Pete's Brew, Pete's Wicked Brew, Pete's Summer Brew... Who the hell's Pete? Fuck Pete! -- Denis Leary %% "But we'll have priviledges by then. We'll be the techno-elite!" -MJH %% It's a fat free food! Moo! %% government employee snaps and kills 27 people it's been done, dude. we're looking for drivers, not passengers. %% CONEDEATH! %% ?Que pasa? -- Ken %% Roadrunners can't read. %% Hello, Jed! Watch out for the skooky bird! Ha ha! It is our skooky bird. %% Thank you for helping me to save the world from the Toad-dancers of Pluto, Jed. %% Oh no, foolish Jed, you have let out the vergal gerbils! %% I've been working on getting the data out of QWDATA all week long, and concluded that the data does not actually exist in the system. All of the data that NAWQA folk have been pulling from QWDATA has been generated randomly by a malicious gnome. Sorry to disappoint you. %% Babylon 5 does not rule on trade disputes. %% You are lucky! Full moon tonight. %% In 1974 he packed up the family and headed South to the Subdistrict Office in Meeker, CO, then transferred in 1981 to the District Office in Madison, WI, where sports is "King". %% Donut is a cat! %% Good, bad, I'm the guy with the suid bit. %% There are serveral security problems in the current version of Amanda. %% The Grim Reapers Boss: I said the singer ONO, not BONO. Thats the second time you've botched the job! %% Hmm. Marianne Winslett is both the Professor AND Marianne! %% The application "unknown" has unexpectedly quit, because an error of type 3 occurred. %% Does the army chase souls? %% *** empty log message *** %% "DOMESTIC CATS ARE BELIEVED TO FUNCTION LIKE PARABOLIC REFLECTORS COLLECTING AND FOCUSING SOUND WAVES TO DRIVE A 1990 FORD ESCORT." %% Too bad, there are no rumors about him. %% The Amanda Team would also like to thank the many other people who have contributed suggestions, patches, and new subsystems for Amanda. We're grateful for any contribution that helps us achieve and sustain critical mass for improving Amanda. %% Life with NWIS-W somewhat burned Matt and Jared. %% rb: What do you think of Jan Doughman? Jan Doughman! Yaay! %% For a good time, gzexe /bin/sh %% There is a cone in your mind. %% I never knew that Jay Leno's chin had such magical powers! %% I am the KEEPER of the FUN! %% "It'd be cooler if they had a dolphin hooked on smack and hooked up to a big LED display." %% Yours! Ouch! %% Yeats! Ouch! %% "Science fiction was the booby-prize for me: what I wanted to be when I grew up was a folk-singer--only they stopped *having* them back about 1970, just as I was getting good." - spider robinson %% Comparing Hanson to the Beatles is like comparing David Koresh to Jesus Christ. And I'm not saying that because I want Hanson to lock themselves in a compound in Waco, Texas, and kill all their followers... but it would be nice. %% "Where are you logged on from?" "All sorts o' places." %% So God talks to Benny Hinn, he talks to Jimmy Swaggart, he talks to Defensive Linemen and Wide Receivers...but I was an Altar Boy for seven years, I memorized the Latin fucking mass, and guess what? Not a note, not a phone call... --Denis Leary %% I think Matt's just failed the Turing Test. %% Python! %% Too many ladders and no batty belfries! %% That's it...the USGS netscape initiative has caused me to start getting two-piece MIME mail...one piece text, another piece HTML. Time for the sexecutioner. %% Piping rumor to rumor is not stupid. %% I heard on the news this morning that some British researchers have cross-bred a camel and a llama. Apparently, his name is Rama the Cama. %% Truly, Heaven's Gate is an excellent example to be held up in representation of what 1997 was all about. It had the cult thing, flying saucers, apple sauce, aliens, Nike sneakers, trekkies, castration, and HTML authoring. I believe Heaven's Gate to be the cornerstone of what was wrong with 1997. %% THE GRAND UNIFIED THEORY OF 1997 (and why it was a bad year) +---------------- Cult <--------------------- Brainwashing <---+ | | | +---------------> Castration ----+ | | | | | * v | v | HEAVEN'S GATE +--> Hale Bop --> MmmmBop --> Hanson --+ | ^ | | | | +-------> Baby Bop --> Barney --+-----------+ | | | | | | | v Spice | v | | Baby Spice --> Girls --+ Microsoft | | | Interactive | v v Barney +----------- Nike <-- Sporty Spice Regis and Kathy Lee | | | v +---- Rancho Santa Fe, California <----+ MIB | | | v | Men in Black | | +------------- Flying Saucer <--------- Aliens <-----------+ %% any religious encappers know how to install g77? hehehehehe %% Wow. It all makes sense, now. %% begin 600 ConeMail!.url M6TEN=&5R;F5T4VAO who in the hell is "whitey"? I am. You may also have heard people refer to "The Man". That is also me. %% can I do this without having to "go around my elbow to scratch my back?" %% Is it safe to randomly flip a breaker in the machine room to see where it goes? %% * mrw wins * gdf cheers for mrw * gdf is in a festive mood I have solved the problem. and there are no more. consider qwdata vanquished. score: matt and greg 2, qwdata 0 we need hooligans. hooligans? like soccer teams have we vanquish a government dinosaur, they start a riot sounds like a plan. %% I love a slightly lagged machine. Too slow to multitask on the machine, not slow enough to multitask off of the machine. %% I really like the boxed set's box with the fliptop lid... I think I'm in love. %% What now? send send unknown. Hit for help. %% wouldn't it be cool if was an html code? %% TNA! where?? %% "Life . . . is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctoral gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you're left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts, which if you are desperate enough to eat leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper wrappers." -Smoking Man, the X-Files %% O: If there's one thing you wanted to say about MST3K, what would you say? MN: Watch in moderation. Enjoy in moderation. O: If you don't enjoy in moderation, what happens? MN: Your skull actually begins to melt. So use it carefully--it's a tool for evil as well as good. %% Written suggestion was received regarding the District ordering "kleenex". Admin has check on this; it is illegal for the District to order "kleenex" for the employees' use. %% 5. Several people walked right through the fire and thus were burned.( Hopefully in a real situation this wouldn't be the case.) %% Neither. He's like all cats: he's a Keeper...they sit on your shoulder, they're invisible unless they want to be seen, they glare at you out of one baleful eye, and gradually they take over your life. %% Dear Customer! This is a known bug, which not scheduled, yet. Thank you. %% We haven't had a rumor about meaningless garbage in quite some time. %% > WILL GROUNDHOG DETECT EL NINO? %% have you ever added a rumor just to inflate your stats? %% I shouldn't get credit for that. It's a zappa rumor. %% All creatures now are merry minded! %% >Questions? Comments? Poetry? Koans? Dissertations? Rants? Explications >de texte? Pseudocode? Numerical analysis? Circuit diagrams? Venn diagrams? U .------------. / B ______\____ ____ ' / \ \ / \ | /.------. ` \ | D | | // || \ \____/ . // '| : \ : \ A / ' C | \ | `------' / : `------------' / \_______________/ A = psychotic cats B = cats C = insane housepets D = smelly cheeses -- Greg Fast %% "behind every great man is a woman. and that woman was martha washingtonn... every day he would come home and she'd have a big fat bowl waiting for him." From Dazed and Confused. %% "PUT SIGN UP IN BREAK ROOM ABOUT HOW TO DO THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER." %% "THROW THE LARGE UGLY GREEN COATRACKS THAT HAVE NO HANGERS AWAY. PLEASE. OR AT LEAST MOVE THEM OUT OF THE HALLWAYS." %% Computers are to be use only for official business.Use of government computers for personal reasons such as personal internet access or is strictly prohibited. %% "It's a sexual organ, not a bomb." %% Computers are to be use only for official business.Use of government computers for personal reasons such as personal internet access or is strictly prohibited. Use of government computers for such things as storing or playing computer games, downloading, storing or printing out of files off the Internet that are not directly related to government business is also prohibited. %% Perl, as in many communities, has a number of words unique to it's culture. I assume that typically if one wants to learn about these things, there are FAQs to read. However, when I search for 'bearword' in the pod/*.pod files of perl 5.004_57, I find no occurances. %% We appologize for the inconvenience %% The PRIME will be shutdown FOR THE LAST TIME Thursday at 3:00. %% this is rumor 3333. %% They're on the top shelf of the tall bookcase against the back wall of Office One, watched over by the Guardian Beast (ok, it's really Zach). %% >We have been notified that due to heavy snowfall, the Louisville, >Kentucky District Office is closed today. %% *** Sake^Joe (backyard@prv-ri1-10.ix.netcom.com) has joined channel #groogroo a gooroo,,, is that a kangaroo, with an excessivly runny nose? *** Sake^Joe has left channel #groogroo %% April is the cruellest month. yeah. what a mean-ass motherfucker %% Therefore, I can only deduce that the reason for the site not being updated is resulting from the "funny" thing going on with Zappy the computer. %% what is this, mortal cumbat? %% Suddenly you cannot see the invisible stone giant. %% mrw@zappy 02/10/98 11:19AM 897> / zsh: permission denied: / %% """All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. %% ---------------------------------------- name: lease victoria elizabeth curriculum: las4 phone: (217) 384-0752 address: 111 s. busey #11 : urbana, il 61801 title: student employee, institute of aviation other: The Mug is dead. : Long live The Waffle Iron. www: http://meow.obscurity.net/~lease email to: lease@uiuc.edu (lease@students.uiuc.edu) ---------------------------------------- %% >If press calls your office or you want more info contact at the >Central US coordinator for Earthquakes in Menphis is at: %% I was reading the coolest thing in Pinket's _the Lnaugaage Instinct_... That at some point, some ancestor of all vertebrates must have twisted its head around 180 degrees, because only vertebrates have the brain hemispheres reersed wrt motor/sensory funct name an invertibrate with a neck, arun shut up. %% The Fifth Element is BASS. %% The 1960 [La Monte Young] composition 'Piano Piece for David Tudor #1' is as follows: Bring a bale of hay and a bucket of water onto the stage for the piano to eat and drink. The performer may then feed the piano or leave it to eat by itself. The piece is over after the piano has been fed, or after the piano eats or decides not to. %% All that slime made this boar extra tender! %% I have one question....just one question!!! WHO changed the radio station on the phone system????????????????? %% Qualifications: C is a must; C++ is a plus %% Caray's prognosis is poor and tests have revealed that his brain waves are weak, said Bob Wills, a spokesman for the family. well, there's a fucking revelation %% Anti-wrinkle creme there may be, but anti-fat bastard creme there isn't. %% gdf to cnn: "SHUT IT!" %% "Bombing is a significant deterrent to violence." -Colin Webb DI editorial staff %% could be turning our net into chocolate pudding for all i know mmm, I haven't had chocolate pudding in a long time. %% I get knocked up, but I get down again %% It's the eye of the tiger. %% THE AIRHORN NEAR THE BATHROOM IS MISSING. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT IT GOT UP AND WALKED OFF ON IT'S OWN POWER. THEREFORE, I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT IF WHO EVER HELPED IT DISAPPEAR WOULD HELP IT RETURN. %% From: Ken Lanfear To: Illinois NWIS-W Subject: WHOOP, WHOOP, RED ALERT, URGENT %% Can YOu please tellme about polluted water? %% larold: i hope the neck of the guitar didn't injure your mom. %% Things haven't been the same here since Sven got on the Net. %% hey...want to maybe watch a rented film tonight? okay, maybe. yeah. sure! affirmative. as sure as the Loch Ness has a monster as true as blue raise your hand if you're sure * Arun raises hand whoops, it's Right Guard %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% Mothership Accidentally Descends on Hootie Concert %% meaningless garbage %% meaningless garbage %% integration! %% Free elisp for everyone! %% Entertainment for the program will be provided by the USGS GeoSounds. %% Whoever got the baby from the King Cakes this morning and left it to be replanted (Pat M. got the replanted baby) needs to fess up or they will have bad luck for 1 year!!! This breach of Mardi Gras etiquette will be overlooked if the guilty party fesses up. %% A machine in this state is said to be "thrashing" (For you german readers: That's "thrashing" ("dreschen", "schlagen", "haemmern") and not trashing ("muellen")). %% Hanson sweeps 1998 NAMBLA awards. %% BURGER KING CORPORATION IS THE EXCLUSIVE LICENSEE OF THE REGISTERED BUN HALVES LOGO TRADEMARK. %% According to General William "Bootsy" Collins, the primary goal of the ground assault is to breach Hussein's presidential palace, capture the Iraqi leader, and "put some serious funk in his trunk." %% Mom, look! A Psi-cop! %% The confidence and eagerness shown by bulls who use the dummy cow has I just got back from recruiting software engineers for my company (www.neog.com) from University of Missouri, Rolla. Rolla is an engineering only university. %% The confidence and eagerness shown by bulls who use the dummy cow has meant SUBSTANTIAL INCREASES in VOLUME and SEMEN QUALITY. %% Pathologically Eclectic Meaningless Garbage Collector %% you were right to be suspicious of the Umgah bird... %% "sounds like we've developed a requirement here" -vschnied %% "i thought your cgi was a program that did some work" - jabisese, to briar %% "what's our tickler?" - mullinsk %% "Underscore. Dash is a minus. It subtracts something." - jabisese, re "nwis_web" vs. "nwis-web" %% Dude, I'm going to charge my leave without pay to NAWQA. Take that, NAWQA! %% Te audire non possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. %% It's simply a hat, owned by a man with a small head, of limited means, who recently lost a fight with a chicken! %% You were right to be suspicious of that Italian Bird...I shagged her. %% (on the KEWL side): yours' truly %% We'll be singing...when we're winning... %% Trouble, right here in Urbana City, I say trouble with a capital T, and that rhymes with P and that stands for Perl. %% SupercaliFunkalisticexpialidocious! %% get out my cart, I'm shoppin for ass! %% ICE EFFECT? THIS HAS BEEN SHOWING UP FOR WEEKS NOW; THERE IS NO ICE! %% Time for the bi-montly ego check of the rumor file... %% The night is fading like my old tatoo, A heart and a dagger that says "forever." %% Geoff: Can you give a _realistic_ idea of your availability over the next month? %% we need the other WRD professionals to hear >from the Illinois professionals (inlcuding the ones who can do the >chicken dance). %% If I might quote Phyllis Schlafly, "Only obscene artists want government money, and why should taxpayers pay to make a homosexual like Robert Maplethorpe rich?" %% all the old emails should be collected -- with expletives deleted -- %% Dave: You got me inching towards the "love" side of this relationship continuum! Ken %% ICE EFFECT? THIS HAS BEEN SHOWING UP FOR WEEKS NOW; THERE IS NO ICE! %% Rule 3: Monkeys doing human tasks almost always boost brand awareness. The exception to this is a monkey with a cigarette. %% Due to my newly acquired Williams-esque sleeping habits, my bulky form might be unable to drag itself the four blocks to work this afternoon. %% will there be a time when assembly programming must be done in a Visual environment (i.e. VisualASM?) %% Use this code at your own risk. Rip it if you like, i've had my fun. %% are they inaccurate? I didn't actually look close cause I didn't really know what I was eating %% Someone left me a voice mail message about shots and didn't tell me who they were. If you are that individual, please let me know. %% From Retail to Travel, Net Kiosk Market Builds %% Mr. Washington is on the mike. %% Liberace does NOT have a funky butt. %% Dr. Suess got a funky butt. %% is boogie nights entertaining? yeah, i'd say so. it's about the lives of of people in the adult film industry Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back %% are you smoking bug powder? reading Ginsberg which is better? %% Breakfast time is the most important time of the day. %% mmmmm...whiteboards %% I wonder if underlining works. %% Please note: Try and format new rumors to 80-columns for convenience, please. Thank you for your cooperation. %% Again, Les Arihood would be a good person to consult as he has done a lot of computer contouring lately using semivariogram analysis and he can easily be influenced with brandy and cigars. %% Have more sex! %% ColInt...what's that? Maybe it's a Cobol Lint Checker. -mrw and akb %% My load goes to 11. %% Good to see you Mr. Bond. I hope we're going to have some gratuitous sex and violence. %% Area Wife Not to Mess with the Stereo Settings %% The amount of material from Douglas Adams, The Onion, and IRC in this rumor file is just ATROCIOUS! %% Let your family know your heartfelt wishes about organ and tissue donation. %% Monkey! Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey. Monkey! %% *** Mode change "-o mrw" on channel #usgs by Kevin *** Mode change "-o Mozilla" on channel #usgs by Kevin *** Mode change "-o Kevin" on channel #usgs by Arun *** Mode change "+o mrw" on channel #usgs by Arun Ahhh! *** Mode change "+o Mozilla" on channel #usgs by Arun *** Kevin has left channel #usgs %% Besides, even if we survive a near-impact with an asteroid, the UNIX epoch shall come to an end soon afterwards, bringing about an end to all time, unless our physicists manage to somehow extend time into 64-bit precision or something. %% Monkey! Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey. Monkey! Monkey! Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey. Monk! Monkey! Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey. Monk! %% Watch out! Bad things can happen on Friday the 13th. %% "I am not a Church numeral; I am a free variable!" %% I love the Internet. have I ever mentioned that? And the Internet loves you. ;) %% Two women? He must be very powerful! %% Q. What refresh rate can I use with my monitor? A. How long is a piece of string? %% *And check out these special reports for in-depth coverage: ...Inspecting Iraq: Saddam's "sensitive sites" -- an interactive map %% Amanda Backup System Mirror ftp://ftp.guru.org/pub/mirror/amanda %% We really should have more rumors about cats than rumors about mrw. %% > >For that matter, there is a tremendous difference between a missile in a > >silo, and a missile in an orbital weapons platform. That difference is, > >specifically, approximately 20-25 minutes of warning. > Rnough time for a small last meal, I supose. "Domino's: Faster than a plummeting nuke." %% "In the early twenty-third century, CM Enterprises attempted to create a computer that could think like a human by installing organic components -- a cat's brain -- into an Imbani mainframe. They succeeded in building a computer that wanted to play with string and sit on newspapers." -- SLEEPY, by Kate Orman %% "(The) arrest should send a message to would-be computer hackers all over the world that the United States will treat computer intrusions as serious crimes," said U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno. "We will work around the world, and in the depths of cyberspace, to investigate and prosecute those who attack computer networks." %% Within 2 days of incarceration, the Department shall evaluate and classify each male prisoner with respect to the probable risk of the prisoner being sexually assaulted. This classification shall be prominently displayed in the prisoner's confidential file. The Department shall take the prisoner's classification into consideration whenever a housing assignment is made. %% The Department shall ensure that prisoners rated vulnerable or highly vulnerable to sexual assault and prisoners rated as potential assaulters shall not be showered together or housed in the same cell or room holding 4 or fewer prisoners, except at the unpressured request of the vulnerable prisoner. Any exceptions to this policy shall be reported to the Director within 3 days. These reports shall be open to inspection by any member of the General Assembly. %% In the course of administering its internal disciplinary process, the Department shall allow a prisoner charged with fighting to plead the need for self-defense against a sexual assault as an exculpatory factor, and the Department shall allow a male prisoner charged with passive/receptive sexual behavior to plead the need for protection provided by his partner as an exculpatory or mitigating factor. %% I'm not working for the man. I'm working for the Borg. "We" %% no, maybe someone is stupid. choose from {Arun, Zach}. %% >> What causes El Nino and what is USGS doing about it? %% What now? %% Horse by name, horse by nature, eh? %% he's quoting, you know. no, he's "quoting" WEB %% While it's true I spent my childhood in a sad, lonely, nerdy world, there is one consolation: I am a master of "Shoot the Moon"... %% I am a pathological liar, trust me in all things %% fortunate for me I nuked mutually exclusive directories! %% Can the WEB team suggest which formats will be included? %% They could still force an exit with POSIX::_exit, of course. But then, there's always kill 9, $$ too. Some amount of civility seems to be called for. - larry wall %% "If this patent holds up in federal court, Apple will have no choice but to convert to analog," said Apple interim CEO Steve Jobs, "and I have serious doubts whether this company would be able to remain competitive selling pedal-operated computers running software off vinyl LPs." "If this patent holds up in federal court, Apple will have no choice but to convert to analog," said Apple interim CEO Steve Jobs, "and I have serious doubts whether this company would be able to remain competitive selling pedal-operated computers running software off vinyl LPs." %% "Angel, what's a Spanish dinner? Franco and beans?" - mrw %% I has a spelling checker. It come with my PC. It plainly marks for my revue, Mistakes I cannot sea. I've ran this poem threw it, I'm sure your please too no. Its letter perfect in its weight, Because my spell checker tolled me so. %% "If this film grosses more than this studio's last release, then the American people have lost their will to be entertained." --Roger Ebert, about _Lost in Space_ %% Thank you for the great start on assembling a single point of entry for real-time water-quality data on the web. This is going to grow, both in terms of data available and of access by users. %% Go not to the Net for counsel, for it will say both "Me too!" and "Nazi!" %% Study your math, kids. Key to the universe! %% too many rolaids, too many tums too many stomachaches, and not enough drums %% Some people like a one-truth world. If you have a huge advertising and PR budget then you can control your public image very effectively in a literate world. Ford Motor Company has enough money to remind you 2,000 times a year that "Quality is Job One;" unless you lost a friend in a Pinto gas tank explosion, you probably will eventually come to agree. Microsoft via the genius of Bill Gates invented the mouse-windows user interface, reliable operating systems, affordable computing, and the Internet; if you don't think all that is true, ask someone who has never used a computer and whose only exposure to the industry is through mass media. %% do what i do, become a migrant potatoe working in idaho and live off your wits %% AutoLoader ate my brain %% If I had a nickel for every cigarette mom smoked, I'd be dead. %% ADAPS. Very dangerous. You go first. %% """"All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. %% Netsurfer under 21 are not authorized to enjoy Marquis and must leave this service now. Use the latest version of Netscape Navigator or I.E. %% I saw g0ff this morning. did you kick him in the nads? %% what has happened to your sleep cycle, aruner? *flush* %% I think I'm turning into a vampire %% Free that ass, and your mind will follow. %% mrw: He who controls the spice girls controls the universe. I mention that only because of the movie we have to go see at the buck-fifty theater. gdf: Dune? %% Spice world is at the $1.50 theater! That's $.30 apiece. %% /me has unmatched thrills. %% He must be very powerful! %% SHUT IT DOWN. %% Londo: "I feel as if I am being nibbled to death by...What are they called? Earth creature, with feathers, a yellow beak, goes 'quack'?" Vir: "Cats." Londo: "Ah, yes. I feel as though I am being nibbled to death by cats." %% mrw@bigglesworth 04/15/98 5:25AM 1594> nmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn zsh: command not found: nmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn\ %% Hitler's coming. Let's dance! %% Well, in a Dungeons and Dragons type game, one of the artifacts we once discovered was an Eldritch Cleaver.... %% Meaningful Conversation %% if you ever catch me using a lotus product ... you DO know how to shoot a gun, right? %% The three principal virtues of a programmer are Laziness, Impatience, and Hubris. %% >> Are you any relation to Jim Eychaner? > > Technically. He's my father. %% like, sshd is running, but i can't find ssh it's sparc motel... you can ssh in, but you can't ssh out %% Do good? I? No! Evil anon I deliver. I maim nine more hero-men in Saginaw, sanitary sword a-tuck, Carol, I--lo!--rack, cut a drowsy rat in Aswan. I gas nine more hero-men in Miami. Reviled, I (Nona) live on. I do, O God! %% This rumor has been approved by Ken Lanfear. %% and C++ is married to the idea of defining something in one place that nothing else in your project can stomp on. shit. c++ is hardly "married" to anything more like "locked in a small cabin with" %% "Is it true that the only opposite of 'disillusioned' is 'illusioned'?" -- spider robinson %% What did the Mother Tomato say to the Baby Tomato? ? ketchup * Arun loves ketchup more ketchup! %% Dear Doctor Science, Which icon on my desktop represents the One, True God? -- Len Nosal, White Lake, MI Find Microsoft Explorer and click on it with the right mouse button. Scroll down to 'Properties.' If it lists any one of the following, 'Omnipotent', 'Omniscient', 'Generous to a Fault' or 'Sensitive Yet Stern' then it's either describing God or Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in the movie 'To Kill a Mocking Bird.' If you're working on anMacintosh, then you can probably find a Divine extension somewhere, maybe as shareware. Check with your users group. %% -> *seano* plans for the evening? *seano!~stoconno@isr2900.urh.uiuc.edu* kinda but I'm open to suggestion *seano!~stoconno@isr2900.urh.uiuc.edu* oh I know what you're going to say -> *seano* what am I going to say? *seano!~stoconno@isr2900.urh.uiuc.edu* you want to get me drunk and leave me alone with 20 young nubile women *seano!~stoconno@isr2900.urh.uiuc.edu* was that it? %% *** recursive is away: fucking floppies %% In the olden days, one could hook into fido, or call a local bbs that had a gopher server, there are still a few, and use hyperlink, or a dialer, without resorting to ISP's. I ask people if it's an internet, what networks is it between? It has become "The Internet." %% I think I'll login to muffin today. It's been a while. %% The following gages should be made to the TABLE: %% grades are not important only life is important %% The GNU `hello' program produces a familiar, friendly greeting. It allows non-programmers to use a classic computer science tool which would otherwise be unavailable to them. Because it is protected by the GNU General Public License, users are free to share and change it. `hello' is also a good example of a program that meets the GNU coding standards. Like any truly useful program, `hello' contains a built-in mail reader. %% Saying that the password "wyufwqpl" is secure is as meaningful as saying that the number "4" is random. %% HQ-Eastern Region...user name "ARIEL"......password "GLISTEN" Central Region..........user name "ANGELIC....password "HEAVEN" Western Region.........user name "CEASAR"(yes, spelled just this way)....password "MIRACLE" %% Some mailers support GNATS mail, but others don't. This suggests you are walking the edge of the spec and have probably fallen off. %% THERE IS NO FIRE ESCAPE IN HELL %% Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance in bed. %% I do not have a valid user ID or password according to this thrice cursed machine. %% Fewer roommates %% THE BROWN BAG IS SCHEDULED FOR FRIDAY MAY 15, NOT WEDNESDAY MAY 14 (A DAY FOUND IN THE CRACK OF CELESTIAL TIME -- OR MAYBE IN 1997) %% ONCE AGAIN I LEARN THE UGLY LESSON OF PREPARING THESE BROWN BAG NOTICES AT THE END OF A LONG DAY -- ESPECIALLY A DAY SPENT RESPONDING TO ANGEL'S EDITORIAL ROMP THROUGH ONE OF MY REPORTS. THE BROWN BAG IS SCHEDULED FOR FRIDAY MAY 15, NOT WEDNESDAY MAY 14 (A DAY FOUND IN THE CRACK OF CELESTIAL TIME -- OR MAYBE IN 1997) SEE YOU THERE! PAT %% It seems the rumor event horizon is about 3600. %% srv1dilurb:abhalla175:cat -vet /var/tmp/05546500.dat | less %% every weapon is a plush toy if you hold it under water. %% this machine kills fascists %% here's a monkey wrench: if you bop me on the head long enough maybe I'll take up for a second. %% every monkey is a shakespear if you read him right. %% To cancel out the pleasurableness of masturbating, associate something very distasteful with the act. For example, imagine bathing in a tub of worms and eating some of them. %% To cancel out the pleasurableness of %% To cancel out the pleasurableness of masturbating, associate something very distasteful with the act. For example, imagine bathing in a tub of worms and eating some of them. %% kevin, to matt: "I want to see you in 10 years..." arun: "no sooner?" %% >>What is Gopher??????? > >Menu based system offering internet services. Yoy are able to find >files, download them or sen them on. Menu's only hold input of other >users. sorry for the spelling that should be SEND them on. %% http://www.hub.org/bluesnet/readings/what.is.blues.html %% "I just got that new Microsoft recombinant-superflu virus, and unless I shell out $5,000 for the Microsoft immune-system DNA upgrades, I've only got a year to live." %% "The only difference between killing one person and killing 25 million is the psychological effect on the survivors." -- a. e. van vogt %% IF ANYONE LOST THEIR KEYS, YOU CAN PICK THEM UP AT THE RECEPTIONIST DESK. %% the scripts are quite full of commentation. %% TO HELP RELIEVE STRESS ASSOCIATED WITH PREPARING FOR THE OPEN HOUSE I INVITE EVERYONE TO A SHOWING OF A CLASSIC CLAY ANIMATION FILM BY OSCAR AWARD WINNER NICK PARKS. %% I eat DECODES for breakfast. %% "Wine robs a man of his self possession: opium greatly invigorates it... opium, on the contrary, communicates serenity and equipoise to all the faculties, active or passive: and with respect to the temper and moral feelings in general, it gives simply that sort of vital warmth which is approved by the judgment, and which would probably always accompany a bodily constitution of primeval or antediluvian health." --Thomas de Quincey, "The Pleasures of Opium" %% Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes! %% Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum! %% Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. %% Gramen artificiosum odi. %% Illiud Latine dici non potest. %% Mater tua criceta fuit, et pater tuo redoluit bacarum sambucus. %% CRAPulous %% Look straight at the coming dissaster, realize what you've lost. %% Image: Mike on the floor with a ballpeen hammer and a toilet snake fixing our network connection. %% Image: Skip assembling bread racks with his head. %% Image: Ray rolling around in the back of his cement truck laughing his head off at a joke he just thought up. %% Like my mother said: "Two tears in a bucket, Mother-fuck it." %% my $assumption = "there are no women on the moon"; # bad assumption %% I used to think I should read the Bible, but now I don't think I care very much. I don't really feel like reading porn. %% "Don't bother arguing with a Windows User. The same people that tell you that a Windows program is as good as a Linux program would also tell you it's better to wipe your ass with your bare friggin hand instead of toilet paper. I can hear them now -- "It might not work as well, it might piss you off, it might be a whole lot messier....but it's easier to learn, even a child can do it...and it's much more colorful!" %% You've just got to love this thing for what it is, a woodchuck in a box. %% It's discussion on perl newsgroups which is equivalent to "misc" in my book. %% PS. DAN & SUSAN, WE MAKE ANOTHER STAB AT TRYING TO GET THIS FIXED BY TIMPONE? %% Please JIGGLE THE HANDLE after the initial flush. Remember, we are a WATER SCIENCE agency, therefore we should be interested in preserving this essential natural resource. %% HMatt has a lame prompt. ~/nwis-w/bin/support-utils/peakflow/new/outYes LORD VADERaddrumor %% -export-a-crypto-system-sig -RSA-3-lines-PERL #!/bin/perl -sp0777i Oory, I'm bust a tit winical about Barbie *** bitterness detected on #ablatros from Salsa %% IIn the future, all self referential rumour about the future of X displays gross smoggyness are gross and smogy. In addition, they have nosoul, and go the recursion deparment. And Geoff. %% No Skulking in the smoke cave. %% United States Postal Service "The United States Postal Service deployed over 900 Linux based systems throughout the United States in 1997 to automatically recognize the destination addresses on mail pieces. Each system consists of 5 dual Pentium Pro 200MHz (PP200) computers and one single PP200 all running Linux." -- John Taves, Linux is reading your mail, April 8, 1998 %% Welcome to Microsoft TerraServer, one of the Web's most engaging sites - providing a bold demonstration of Microsoft's scalability while taking on the ambitious challenge of presenting the earth in a mosaic of photographic imagery. We are gratified by the interest shown in this site. We are humbled that we didn't anticipate the amount of interest and we apologize for the delays. We are adding servers to satisfy demand. Thanks for your patience. %% Everybody be cool...this is ribaldry! %% It goes from God, to Gel, to Zach...to the Channel. %% Zach Miller has told me that you have written an excelent program to produce similar reports for h2o. %% CEOL Listmom & Mind The Gap Mayhem Director %% Web El Niņo Turned Back by New Generation of Load-Balancing Technology %% The sphere of influence that one person posesses goes far beyond that person's perception. The contribution of even little things, work, time, timelessness, presence, or even goodwill can make a world of difference. You have the power. matt day %% Subject: REQUEST FOR PASSWORD, updates %% (Phosphorus Dissolved, parameter of the Beast) %% (Arun Dissolved, parameter of the Beastman) %% off & on through this day i have tried to get to the www.site %% Subject: FW: "caused the error, anything you might have done that may have" %% Where is Jared? %% |\ _,,,,,---,,_ /o`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_ |o4- ) )-,__ ,\ ( `'-' '---''(_/--' `-' \_) Happy Kitty. %% Message from data on coke (pts/70) [ Tue Jul 14 14:09:59 ] ... ok, thanks. you know, "Arunish Cat" would be an excellent name for a band. :) %% HMatt breaks everything before noon: $.05 %% """""All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. %% "Humans are not pigs; they'll eat UDP" -Matt Groenig %% Since this new addition is rather new... %% tar: Cowardly refusing to create an empty archive tar: Cowardly refusing to create an empty archive %% ...and now, Carl Fesser will read us his essay entitled "What I Did on My Summer Vacation". %% Remember, PBS is free because it sucks. %% Before TV: 2 World Wars After TV: No World Wars %% """""All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. %% We have a video tape that we need to make a copy of. Does anyone here know how to work our tape copier machine? %% Message from bernd on ux7.cso.uiuc.edu (pts/84) [ Wed Aug 5 14:59:29 ] ... bhalla logging in from cthulhu is just an awesomely ominous sounding message %% cthulhu logging in from bhalla is even more ominous %% "Nomad is on island" %% rt_www will work fine without the stats however--won't even blink. %% in the future all programs are called hydra %% Linux has insinuated itself into enterprise computing. %% > It's looking to me more and more that LINIX is maturing rapidly and, >given it is a REAL multi-user pre-emtive multi-tasking operating >system (which NT is not - it's a beefed-up dedicated file server), NT >is going to turn ouit to be the fad . . . . . %% >> I do not recall that the AIT making a recommnedation to test LINUX ? in >> the meeting, did I miss something. %% i'm so glad gloria remembered to smoke her big bowl of crack before shooting that off %% WE do know this fact.....DG has no growth potential, the very best next UNIX box that is mainstream and we already have about 70 or so of them in WRD and we have already stated we support SUN and NWIS runs on SUN, is SUN. %% We know that we need NT or PCs for business applications like office 97 and Lotus and we need SUN or NT (could use linux) for the netscape browser which we are going to be mandated to have (because of admin applications ) by Jan 99. %% "Though there is the compaq alpha chip that will run unix or NT but not at the same time." %% > How could you want to work for a place that lacks Gloria! ;) Easy...I like working for a place where even the clueless are clueful. %% And DAMMIT, when is somebody gonna tell these crappy DJs that it is not, in fact, Hammer Time, nor has it been for the past six years?!! --Amanda Cantrell, CrankyGrrl %% Honkey! Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey. Honkey! Honkey! Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey. Honk! Honkey! Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey, Honkey. Honk! %% I'm sure Mr. Bhalla's problem is fixed. %% > "Let me get this straight. The reason neither we or nor our > cooperators could get to Montana historical data all this week > is because some kid's girlfriend in Illinois is moving to > California? That guy worked five excuses into one sentence!" %% Z @= One design, one code base, one team. %% Zach, <== with an "h" this time--sorry. %% We wnat your input, I ahve sent you a nubmer of messages, even after you were out of the flu. %% Let me know waht your issues are. --Gloria %% See 1998.08.19.3.M.dd.3.00.WWW section A.B.34 %% Note 251 Programming rtung Abstract Hungarian Anyone know if Hungarian Notation deals with abstract classes? %% These attributes will confuse and confound those that come after us for centuries to come. %% Please suggest new names, otherwise I will rename them myself. I guarantee you won't like my names. %% His current mission, i.e., should he deign to follow up on it when he gets back to Juneau, is to design and produce a WebApp that more or less collects NWIS data about water "conditions" from various and sundry Districts and aggravates (aggregates) and sympathizes (synthesizes) or otherwise shifts/snorts (sifts/sorts) %% Said Stu-Trainee, having gotten wind of our NWIS-Web fraternity, allowed as how mightly would he be flattered to gain trial admission to such an elitely professional society -- for the alleged purpose of conforming his upcoming work to the high standards, practices, rules, habits, and conventions thereof. %% It is to the inner circle that I think he aspires -- and it is to the keepers of the creaky gates thereto, that this commendation is most directly addressed. %% PS: Said Pledge's handle, should it need be added to the Email alias, is the pentultimate found on my CC list. %% b> we demonstrate willingness to reach out and touch other Destricts %% As having been given a challenge from the creative bicyclist James Bisese I will have to regretfully decline at this time. %% As having been given a vote in favor of by the great wit of Ken Mullins and as having been given a thumbs up by the masterful Dave Briar I would like to humbly request an ID on the world renown server known as waterdata. %% I don't have my own canoe. Are there places where I can rent a canoe and do the Vermillion? Any and all details are most appreciated. Thanks! %% We're about to let the beta cat out of the alpha bag. %% Nobody likes their job, nobody gets enough sleep. %% The Lorax has been added to the banned book list, amongst a flury of rumors about his parctice of urinating on his hands and feel. %% "Area Man Has 'Naked Woman' Fetish" %% Killy Rids, micks are for gribs! %% Jed, you can't save the world from the Toad-dancers of Pluto with a macaroni duck! %% $!|\/|80|_|$|\/| %% DO NOT KILL THE LUMBER RAKE! IT IS NOT STUCK IT JUST LOOKS LIKE IT! %% In the future, gross smoggy Xterms will show TV while posting to the internet in L.A. about the really long "kitty" and Space Ghost rumors. %% October 1st, 1998? %% Where is Jared? %% FEEL THE WRATH OF MY STUPID PROMPT! /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor /usr/local/libdata/rumorYes LORD VADERaddrumor %% M34N1N91355 94r8493 1N M34N1N91355 94r8493 0U7 %% Hey, it's 2:51 in the computer science office of love! %% Where is Zach? %% Where is Zack? %% """All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. %% *mrw!mrw@a-night-at-the-opera.isdn.uiuc.edu* alcohol has had at least the implact that booze has upon my life. %% Besides, anyone who does think higher version numbers on totally unrelated software are better shouldn't be running Solaris anyway... %% Mr. Bhalla: There is no historic water quality data available through the Internet yet. The available data is in publications. If you can tell us the stations that you are interested on, we can provide you a cost estimate for retrieving the data for you either electronically or in paper copies. %% For the record, a session is not a session unless there's AT LEAST two people involved. Four to seven people is probably ideal, unless one of them is playing a bassoon. %% shag-fu! in bed. %% "Excuse me, would whoever used the facilities last in the warehouse go out and plunger. Hehhe" --Intercom Message 10/30/98 %% `Look, there are just two kinds of music -- it's good or it's crap. That's why Mozart and Bach last and why you can forget the Monkees and the Union Gap. There's already a bit less spice in the Spice Girls, eh? But Louis Armstrong, Muddy Waters, Chuck Berry -- in 200 years their music will still be played.'' -- Rolling Stones guitarist KEITH RICHARDS. %% >The Sun450 for the WEB shipped yesterday. Allow 7/10 days for >delivery. %% In the future, the self referential rumor about the future of X diplays and their inherent gross smorryness will somehow incoperare the term "KALABASH," Which is a preversion of Bash, Carol, and a word that commands Zach's dog to piss. These rumors are from LA, and will be sent to Zach, just as soon as he gets in. CC'ed to the recursion department. And Geoff. Meaw. %% I shot the sherrif, but I swear it was in self defense! %% In the future, all restaurants are Taco Bell. %% Why do I find the song "I Touch Myself" so entertaining? in bed. %% Piping rumor to rumor is not stupid. in bed %% It's a mattress thing, you wouldn't understand. in bed %% I have solved the problem. and there are no more. consider qwdata vanquished. Ummm, when did this happen? %% "Matt, Sir Issac Newton is the smartest man who ever lived." "Dad, he wrote a physics anthology and invented a branch of mathematics to prove one of his theories." in bed %% PGP will not generate a key without finding the User's Guide. There is a simple way to override this restriction. See the PGP User's Guide for details on how to do it. in bed %% "...I also dreamed I was an irc client a few times..." -jlg in bed %% i need to go placate my demanding cats in bed %% Jungle Boogie in bed %% chicks dig fumbling indicates sincerity. I'm very sincere. in bed %% > echo "`rumor` in bed" We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect in bed in bed %% Groogroo eat groogroo? in bed %% Palm Pilot...sounds vaguely obscene. in bed %% """""All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. " in bed." %% """""All of pi is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor." is a rumor. " in bed." is a rumor. %% Great Googlie-Mooglie. in bed %% You might consider sending the attached section 500.11 to all districts as a reminder so that others do not get "shotgun greetings" in bed %% Gimme some sugar, baby. in bed %% Penile traume?!?! I'm agog... in bed %% It's a hell of a dog who starts pissing on somebody's crotch. in bed %% Look straight at the coming dissaster, realize what you've lost. in bed %% Voluptuous Nematods! in bed %% Don't forget to add a fee when appropriate! in bed %% "Sudden Rapper Death Syndrome" %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% Where is Jared? in bed %% No, we're just flunkies. in bed %% Did I mention I'm immense and immortal? in bed %% You said that I'm not the fighter I was ten years ago. Well, I asked your wife, and she said that you're not the man you were two years ago! in bed %% I am a SUPER HERO! in bed %% "I thought you were dead." "Yeah, I get that a lot." in bed %% I'm out of here, our new building doesn't have water, and they took off with the portapotty and I've been drinking coffee. Jimmy %% What's the difference between porn and Microsoft? %% Blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah. %% I found a pair of red gloves outside by the side door. They are now on the glass display case by the front door. %% Of course, Lew may decide to spend it instead on a fact-finding trip to Tahiti, but that's his call. %% women can't live with 'em can't kill 'em eh, who says? which? your choice. :) %% 3 SoBe bottles 3 12-oz mountain dew cans oddly poetic -- Haiku %% matt give me a slogan. 4 words or less. "we do web stuff" or something Groogroo Eat Groogroo, Motherfucker. okay, this isn't for super real %% WWF over FBDC? Can someone call the Priority Police on this guy? %% Hey, anyone still work for USGS? %% If you work seriously, you will succeed. in bed. %% tofulatta is STILL dangerous to eat. i always eat tofullata with a condom on. Greg, you always have a condom on. "be prepared" %% The party is called TARTE, an the acronym for its name in French, which, politely translated, means: ``All Drunk Let's Party Together.'' %% In a statement, Godin's group said it was the only party that promised nothing, stood for no one and was totally irresponsible, Belga news agency reported Monday. %% Gel complains about Windows 95: muahahahaha %% New Zealand censors are struggling to police violence and sex in computer games because they don't have the skills to reach the top levels. %% Working under legislation requiring all the content of a game to be viewed in order for it to be classified, head censor Bill Hastings said his staff spent hours conquering each game and looking into every virtual option. %% l33t d00d wrote: >h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4 1 fINd3d CHAOS G4te 4ll by MYSEhelf w1t n0n3 help0 frum >yur$ guy$ h4h4h4h4h4h44h 1m 0ff t0 h4ck s0m3 g0v3rnm3nt w3bsITES %% heh. God, it's late. yeah. you're laughing at my jokes %% Despite Carle's best efforts, Angel (a.k.a. "Lurch" from the Adam's Family) survived his nose surgery and is doing well. He even managed to feign passing out in order to grab the attention of a "cute" orderly. Nice try! Without any luck at all (and despite the recommendations of the Carle people), we will probably be exposed to him tomorrow or friday...still in time for him to show off his lovely new, blood-encrusted nose bandage. Hope you enjoyed your lunch. %% Despite Carle's best efforts, Angel (a.k.a. "Lurch" from the Adam's Family) survived his nose surgery and is doing well. He even managed to feign passing out in order to grab the attention of a "cute" orderly. Nice try! Without any luck at all (and despite the recommendations of the Carle people), we will probably be exposed to him tomorrow or friday...still in time for him to "I'm not paying any attention to you right now." -gtr %% I love Pacey so much. I mean, I know he's a wisecracker, but he's SOOOOOOO cute! :) %% Evil Dave Sheldon. Ready to lay the smack down on your roody-poo candy-ass. %% For the last time: It's not politics. It's POLITICAL ENTERTAINMENT. %% In the event of a tie between Evil Dave Sheldon and Manu Bhardwaj, Dave promises he won't cry. Who else can make that promise? %% To introduce our new 10-10-234 service, here are the second, third, and fourth place candidates for ASG president. 2. Trey Morgan 3. Manu Bhardwaj 4. Peter Moore %% EDS - Get it? %% Q: What does the Rock say? A: The Rock says, the Rock says, the Rock says, the Rock says, the Rock says, the Rock says know your damn role. If you said, "Know your damn role," you were incorrect. %% Are you reading this sign? I OWN YOU! %% Hi. I'm a friend of your mother's. She's VERY sick and sent me to pick you up from school today. Would you like some candy? %% Magglio Ordonez, Greg Norton, Bobby Howry, Jim Parque, Evil Dave Sheldon. The Kids Can Play. %% PHENYLKETONURICS: Evil Dave contains phenylalamine. (Also, he may contain traces of peanuts.) %% Attention candidates: Evil Dave guarantees that you have NO CHANCE IN HELL of winning the ASG presidency. %% Evil Dave was in the All-Valley Under-18 Karate Tournament, but he lost to that big fat Asian guy. %% Evil Dave Presents Harlem World %% You toss me the idol... I throw you the whip! %% Evil Dave. Featuring DMX, Method Man, Redman and Mya. %% First, I would like to impersonate Mr. Carter, the president of the United States. "Hello, my name is Mr. Carter. I am the president of the United States." %% Placed by the Gideons. Do not remove. %% Evil Dave. Bringing you ten zillion different signs just so you're guaranteed to understand one of them. %% EVACUATE?! In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances! %% Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I've rapped at ya, but there's been a lot of shit going down. %% Evil Dave is the perfect candidate for all Mankind. Mmmmmmmm... Beefy! %% Soup from dried beans in seven minutes? That's crazy talk! Bean soups take hours and hours to cook! %% This fish was broiled for sure! %% Evil Dave. Dre sent him to take the world on. %% Hit Evil Dave, baby, one more time. %% Funny, it sure doesn't TASTE like one calorie! %% Words of advice: You karate "guess so", then squish, just like grape! %% The son of Jor-El will be my slave... forever. %% One day in Teletubbyland, it was Po's turn to wear the skirt. %% Greetings, Earthlings. I am an ambassador for Planet Lunch. %% This must be Planet Houston %% Evil Dave firmly supports T. Herman Zweibel in his ongoing battle against the rogue highwayman Black Scarlet. %% YOU VIOLATED ME, AUSTIN! %% Evil Dave. Man enough to drop North American Geography. %% Manu: When you tattle on somebody, you're actually tattling on yourself. You're telling them that you're a tattle-tale. %% The Evil Dave campaign would like to announce that we love media coverage, and we're especially fond of Daily Northwester editor Jeremy Mullman. And Kristen Searer. %% You don't threaten me, Peter Moore. Not like that. You don't go there. %% To market, to market, to buy a fat pig! Home again, home again, jiggety-jig! %% When you have it your way, it just tastes better. %% Evil Dave is not only the Great One, but he's also the Chosen One. %% Eh-oh, Tinky Winky! %% Evil Dave isn't as think as you drunk he... aw, the hell with that. %% It's kinda hard to get a job when your resume says "Been hit in the head with chairs for 15 years." %% Be the BBQ leader of your block! Inform on the vegetarians and report them for doubleplus unmeatthink to the Meat Police! %% That there's a fine horny toad, and I want him bad. %% But he's not half as big as this here yeller dog. %% Keep that Carousel of Progress spinning. Vote for Evil Dave. (Look at Ma's new "e-lec-tric" clothes washer!) %% Evil Dave won't spot you the R, S, T, L, N, and E. %% Evil Dave would like to apologize for last year's association with D-Generation X, who now suck. %% Fabulous secret powers were revealed to Evil Dave the day he held aloft his magic sword and said, "By the power of Grayskull! I have the power!" %% It's time for Plinko... where you have a chance to win $25,000! %% If you vote for Evil Dave, party in the city where the heat is on! %% Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. %% Evil Dave. Only 21 years old in his human form, but his spirit is older than Flair, Hogan and DDP combined. %% > My favorite is the guy who said he found a humoan head in his pizza. > I told him to chill, he didn't get charged for it. %% Geelong Cats captain Garry Hocking told the Herald Sun newspaper that he had changed his name by deed poll to ''Whiskas,'' a popular cat food. %% SYDNEY (Reuters) - In one of the most bizarre sponsorship deals ever seen, a top Australian Rules footballer has legally changed his name to a brand of pet food to help out his cash-strapped club. %% Animal rights activists who freed two captive dolphins off the Florida Keys were fined $59,500 for what federal regulators described Friday as a reckless act that caused life-threatening injuries to the animals. %% GET IN MY BELLY! %% I want my baby back baby back baby back ribs. %% "Those pants are skin tight, how do you get into them?" "Buying me a drink is a good start." %% "This coffee smels like shit." "It is shit, Austin!" "Well then, glad it's not just me." %% I will call him... Mini me! %% No, no, Mini-Bigglesworth is not for chewing. %% Now witness the devestating lethality of the Alan Parsons Project! %% From my "Death Star" %% It's amazing how the English countryside looks nothing like Southern California. %% It's about Mini, Sir. He's a biter. He bites, hard! %% Austin, I am your father. Really? No, I can't back that up. %% Ivana Humpalot %% Felicity Shagwell %% Alotta Fagina %% One time, I had a snake. I fed it some beer. It was slithering this way and that. IT WAS ALL FUCKED UP. %% "I bet you've got really hairy balls." "Yes, it's a veriteble forest down there." %% Baby, the other other white meat. %% Baby, it's what's for dinner! %% Home is where you hand you cat! %% Vitalich, 24, was arrested Tuesday on charges of assault with a deadly weapon after he allegedly beat his 21-year-old girlfriend with a large tuna after an argument in a supermarket, San Diego police spokesman Bill Robinson said. %% Louisiana students will be required to address teachers and other school employees as ''ma'am'' or ``sir'' and to use Mr., Mrs., Ms. or Miss when calling them by name under a bill nearing passage in the state legislature. %% You know, I wish there were some way, that I could be outside playing basketball in the rain, without getting wet. %% Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again... %% The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. %% I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. %% What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? %% I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. %% I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. %% Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. %% It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. %% No, my powers can only be used for good. %% You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication. %% I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. %% I don't work here. I'm a consultant. %% I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. %% Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. %% The green group joined the local branch of J18 -- Global Carnival Against Corporate Tyranny -- scrawling anti-capitalist slogans in chalk in front of the stock exchange building. ``Don't Envest In Death,'' read their misspelled blue graffiti on the building's polished marble walls. %% Shut her down Maw! She's a suckin' mud! %% HMatt has a lame prompt. es LORD VADERaddrumor %% "Look at this ridiculous piece of unadulterated plastic junk," said Bergeron, randomly picking up an object from the shelves of a Bay Area Spencer Gifts, where the group staged a press conference and protest. "Just look at it! A magnetized Monica Lewinsky face that says, 'Interns Suck'? What kind of a human being would buy this? And why does it need to glow in the dark? I ask you, does that make sense? Where does it all end? Has the entire planet gone insane?" %% Feedback: This is an excelent source of information. Thanks. %% oh, do we have to put up with estabrook if we're socialists? I don't think he's a socialist, I think he's a fuck. %% I'm not saying anything by it, but if I had to sleep with a guy, I'd sleep with Arun. %% Is there any indication that the llamas had become insolent and cruel? %% Also, as revealed in a later Carl article, the Arun/Bhalla distinction serves capitalism. %% I think these are good points for those of you desiring promotion. I have added one or two. BOB %% 7. Don't whine or complain all the time. It is ok to disagree or question, but be sure you are not the one who is consistently doing it. BOB %% well, what's one of the first words starting with the letter "r" that gets spewed by the fucking socialists whenever two or more of them are in a room? rhythm method? %% ok its like a million degrees outside and that's like, celsiu Wow. You must live in the event horizon of a black hole. Bet you get shitty network lag. %% Andy, Thanks! I trust your trip down the street was a rewarding one. I couldn't find their email, bar@downthestreet.com didn't work. %% BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - Respect became the law in Louisiana Tuesday when Republican Gov. Mike Foster signed a bill ordering students to address their teachers and other school employees as ``ma'am'' or ``sir''. %% I get knocked up, but I go down again. %% Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Feed a fish a man, give a day for him. %% Like an electric-blanket-mobile? %% remember, yako spelled backwards is okay. %% You've just got to love this thing for what it is, a woodchuck in a box. -- old jungle saying. %% *** Mode change "-o mrw" on channel #usgs by Kevin *** Mode change "-o Mozilla" on channel #usgs by Kevin *** Mode change "-o Kevin" on channel #usgs by Arun *** Mode change "+o mrw" on channel #usgs by Arun Ahhh! *** Mode change "+o Mozilla" on channel #usgs by Arun *** Kevin has left channel #usgs -- old jungle saying. %% For those of us without fingers, this seemed to be a very insensitive comment. Nubs are just as good for counting as fingers, and hey, I bet you've never had anybody ask you to pull their nub. Or wait, maybe you have. -- old jungle saying. %% Jared breaks anything: $.25 -- old jungle saying. %% "Whatever it was that wasn't wrong and couldn't be reproduced and works like it always has...has apparently been fixed." -- old jungle saying. %% Soup from dried beans in seven minutes? That's crazy talk! Bean soups take hours and hours to cook! -- old jungle saying. %% For those of us without fingers, this seemed to be a very insensitive comment. Nubs are just as good for counting as fingers, and hey, I bet you've never had anybody ask you to pull their nub. Or wait, maybe you have. -- old jungle saying. %% He ain't heavy, he's my brother! -- old jungle saying. %% ColInt...what's that? Maybe it's a Cobol Lint Checker. -mrw and akb -- old jungle saying. %% "I must have pressed the wrong button unless you're my wife's boyfriend." -- old jungle saying. %% In the future, the online Ditka Help will reroute your files with offensive gestures, too. -- old jungle saying. %% How about irc.roswell.gov? -- old jungle saying. %% -- old jungle saying. %% Life is pain. Anyone who tells you different is selling something. -- old jungle saying. %% "Well, as long as people are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners, all while expierimenting with mind-altering drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound, baby." -- old jungle saying. %% i've got JFS :) "jewish file system"? -- old jungle saying. %% I tried to click.. but I don't know how! -- old jungle saying. %% "It's just like, you stopped talking, and I was thinking 'is he dead'?" -- old jungle saying. %% Access Restrictions do not concern me, Kernel!, I want that data! -- old jungle saying. %% In the future, all sysops are Karl Denninger. -- old jungle saying. %% If I had a nickel for every cigarette mom smoked, I'd be dead. -- old jungle saying. %% I want to get a Cat-In-The-Hat award! -- old jungle saying. %% I am not a Goth. I am Kevin. We "have" "..." nothing "in" 'common'. -- old jungle saying. %% she's a cat. cats are like that. my cat likes ice. Kristi's cat likes bathrobes. she dances across the room sideways, arun... that's cute. it's psycho. sure she thinks she's a biped sometimes, but not everyone can be that way. -- old jungle saying. %% Like my mother said: "Two tears in a bucket, Mother-fuck it." -- old jungle saying. %% Sweet merciful crap! MY CAR!!! -- old jungle saying. %% Grover's a puppet, a leftist muppet, radical, subversive, freak. Grover's a puppet, of the welfare state. -- old jungle saying. %% From: kathryn carter smith Subject: whoops -- old jungle saying. %% When a star crashes, it leaves behind a core. -- old jungle saying. %% -e Everything (all record types); equivalent to specifying `-xMACFROGWUT'. -- old jungle saying. %% You don't have to bribe me to use my machine. -- old jungle saying. %% 268 rumors contain the word rumor. The rumor file _is_ self aware. -- old jungle saying. %% Borg implants have been shown to cause severe skin irritation... -- old jungle saying. %% 'Kalabash' is the word that makes the dog pee in the movie Zach saw. -- old jungle saying. %% "Grover's not a muppet, he's an Umgah 'caster." -- old jungle saying. %% -- old jungle saying. %% "This coffee smels like shit." "It is shit, Austin!" "Well then, glad it's not just me." -- old jungle saying. %% Meow needs some serious petting. -- old jungle saying. %% Either I am halucinating, or this cat has gone bonkers -- old jungle saying. %% You're unbelievable. -- old jungle saying. %% Elite cats say MEoW. -- old jungle saying. %% The squirrels here are too easy to trip on! -- old jungle saying. %% Ziggy played guitar. -- old jungle saying. %% "Is it scheduled to rain today?" --Cathy Nguyen -- old jungle saying. %% This is rumor 1001. -- old jungle saying. %% "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector." -- Knight Ridder News Service dispatch -- old jungle saying. %% Where is Jared? in bed -- old jungle saying. %% TQM? Total Quality Management or Ten Queer Monkeys rule by committee... oh. heheh. the web committee was born of a TQM effort. gotcha. while committees suck, they have more of a clue than any other given member on Illinois' web committee. -- old jungle saying. %% Thoughts like that make people's brains dissolve... and then they trickle out your ear. --crb -- old jungle saying. %% ]2;Rumor monster! -- old jungle saying. %% no, we don't nibble on our kitty. %% instead of chewing gum, chew bacon! %% Police Shoot Monster Rat %% Police Shoot Monster Rat FRANKFURT (Reuters) - German police killed a dog-sized rat which attacked a 59-year-old man outside his home near Frankfurt, Bild newspaper reported Monday. The mass-selling tabloid quoted police as saying the half meter (20 inch)-long rat was as vicious as a fighting dog and as big as a dachshund. It said the rodent's intended victim, identified only as Horst L., heard something rustling in a bush and then a sharp hissing. He turned around and saw the rat, ready to pounce at him. ``I was rigid with fear,'' said Horst. ``I just had time to grab a wooden plank to fend it off.'' The rat sank its teeth into the plank and Horst ran inside his home to call the police. Officers tried to grab the animal with thick gloves but it attacked them so they shot it. %% "That's quit a shiner." "Yeah, Ronnie, or Donnie, I can't tell them apary anymore, got me good. I deserve it though, kids don't like it when thier parents get divorced." "How are you?" "... I'm a little bit lonely nowadays." %% You can explain something to a fool ten thousand times, and he will be no wiser. But an intelligent man will understand after only two thousand five hundred explanations. %% So yes, I changed the 'c' columns to be treated as data columns because they are. %% Yes, I added the 'c' columns to %STATION_DATA for all output formats of RealTime/Station.pm, just like you asked me to. Previously they had been ignored, except for graphs which I had to add in. %% He was born a kennedy born into prosperity, He was raised with honor and dignity Our 35th Presidents son, John F. Kennedy Jr., images frozen in time, flash in my unforgotten mind the assination, the mourning of a nation, the salute, fatherless child in a little blue coat John John as his ashes are carried away by the wind from the stern of the USS BRISCOE and his spirit flyRs free over the sea I WILL ALLWAYS REMEMBER A LITTLE BOY A MAN With a legacy all his own images frozen in time, flash in my unforgotten mind the assination, the mourning of a nation, the salute, fatherless child in a little blue coat John John %% You could bop him on the back of his head, and check to see if it is written on the inside of his underwear band, pull the band up reeeel close, so you can get a good look. Many net admins write down their YP doman there. Maybe you should do that to Dave Briar as well, in case one of them enjoys it. %% * Arun2 tries to tone down his Mattitude. %% * TanAdept fears TanAdept Excuse me while I go matt. s/matt/nuts/ I've never typed "matt" accidentally when I meant to type "nuts" until now. %% I mean, come on. Who would put Alan Lumb in charge of anything except maybe the bearded-belly-jiggling department? %% I mean, come on. Who would put Alan Lumb in charge of anything except may be the bearded-belly-jiggling department? Santa Claus! he wouldn't put alan in charge of even that. %% > Is there a way of blocking mails from certain addresses, in Pine ? The magic 8-ball says: "No" and then it adds: "you're a fucking idiot" %% And we'll kick an ass or two, because that's what Brian Boytano'ed do. %% I could get my friend Steve to detail your car, for about 20 bucks. %% Life is kind of gay, but it doesn't seem that way, through the eyes of a child. %% I can change I can change, I can keep my promises I swear it %% They may cut your dick in half, and serve it to a pig, And though it hurts you'll laugh, and dance a dickless jig But that's the way it goes, in war you're shat upon, And though you die, La Resistance lives on! %% They have a sparkle in their eyes, They've yet to realize, What bastards they really are. %% Sure life is kind of gay, It doesn't seem that way, Through the eyes of a child. %% Hey Satan, don't be such a twit! Mother Theresa won't have shit on me! %% Well, Kyle's Mom's a Bitch! %% On Monday she's a Bitch, On Tuesday she's a Bitch, On Wendsday's and Saturday's she's a Bitch, Then on Sunday just to be different she's a super king kong mega BIOTCH. %% When Brian Boitano was in the alps fighting grizzly bears, he used his magical fire breath and saved the millions there. %% I want this V-chip out of me, It has stunted my vocabulary. %% When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010 he fought the evil robot king and saved the human race again. %% When Brian Boitano built the Pyramids he beat up Kublican, Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody. %% Up there, there is so much more, where baby's burp and flowers bloom, everyone dreams, I can dream too. %% They say I don't belong I must stay below alone Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to stay where evil is sown. But what is evil anyway? Is there reason to the rhyme? Without evil there can be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes. %% If you want I can even get my friend Steve to detail your car, for about twenty bucks. %% It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussien was killed by a pack of wild dogs, and the world is still glad to be rid of him. %% Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I'm cursed! -Cursed Skulltulla %% I SEND THE P.R. STREAMFLOW DATA FOR WY 1998 TO WATER.USGS.GOV DATABASE ON 08/12/99. I AM NOT RECEIVE ANY CONFIRMATION FOR YOU. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF SOMETHING IS MISSING! %% goodbye violet race, I still love you. %% No! Brian those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those! %% Yup, I seen her. That is to say I saw her. %% Yup, I saw her. That is to say I seen her. %% I saw it on a movie where the bus's SPEED couldn't go below 50, and if its SPEED went below 50, the bus would blow up. I think it was called "The Bus That Could Not Slow Down." %% Me fail english? That's unpossible! %% I think I'm going crazy. Nicotine and Gravy. %% There are several things to look at including a hardware problem, possible rdbmerge problem, and ???? %% Yep, I seen her. That is to say I saw her. %% Yep I saw her. That is to say I seen her. %% heheheh, there's a function in Be called is_computer_on() which returns 1 if your computer is on. Heh hmm is is_computer_on == true ? yeah except noone can tell if it will return 0 if the computer is off. Debugging that call must be a bitch, then. it all comes down to the halting problem %% I need XXX windows! %% ``I read the patent,'' said Franklin Antonio, chief technical officer of the cellular phone maker Qualcomm Inc. of San Diego. ``You don't usually think of movie stars having brains, but she sure did.'' %% Oh my god, I found a penny! You bastard! %% > ack. eh? gah blech. %% hexe% rumor -c 3938 -only 62 more til 4k... %% Yoink! %% Yoink?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? %% 38967480 8675309 > -1 googol > googol * infinity + 1 MAX_INT %% yay python! boo perl! %% Have you ever gone to sleep with Bo Derek and woken up with Bo Diddley? -NOFX %% murder the government murder the government murder the government murder the government and then... I'll do it again, yeah -NOFX %% grrrrrrr..... bastard popcorn fiends. %% The entire planet is made of dark matter, one pound of which weighs 10,000 pounds. %% It was a tomoulchouous time for a nation. The clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live. The information superhighway told the average person what some nerd thinks about Star Trek. And the domestication of the dog continued unabaided. %% Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!" %% Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such drivers ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot" %% Me fail english? That's unpossible. %% I know you can read my thoughts boy. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow %% Well, no I don't do magic tricks, I'm a MATHamagician. %% A woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one, but you can't stop at just one. %% Did you know there's no rumors containing the word fantastic??? Well, NO MORE!!!!! %% stupid precipitation. %% It's time to party like it's 1999. %% I stopped believing in true love when reagan was king. %% RICHARD NIXON! I KNEW IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG! %% War Huh! Good god, yall, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again. %% Office Politician Runs For Coffee DENVER -- In a move his critics are decrying as "a bald-faced ploy to get in good with the secretarial pool," Conroy Plastics & Polymers office politician John Mancuso announced Monday his intention to run for coffee. "Okay, coffee time... who's up for a little hot java?" asked Mancuso during a 10 a.m. breakroom speech. "Make a list, and I'd be happy to swing by Starbucks and pick it up." Upon learning that he would be picking up 14 cups, Mancuso named co-worker Andrew Sveum his running mate. %% This nation's rich appear to enjoy a considerable, unfair economic advantage over their less wealthy counterparts, consistently outearning the working poor in nearly every case. %% I'm gonna die someday staring at a dressing room wall. -Old 97s %% hi arun this is Tara. My grandma had her left lung replaced and I had to donate mine (lung that is). My uncle did the surgery and would you know, he replaced the wrong one. Silly uncle....left lungs are for grandmas! %% SHAZBOT!!! %% "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. Never for a moment should it be left to irresponsible action." -George Washington %% I'm a 21st century digital boy I don't know how to live, but I got a lot of toys %% I found god, and he was absolutely nothing like me. %% you got so loaded, you thought that she was the most beautiful gal that you ever did see yeah, have you ever gone to sleep with Bo Derek And woke up with Bo Didley? %% woke up in the morning, to your surprise a couple melons in tube socks, and buggley eyes yeah, have you ever gone to sleep with Bo Derek and woke up with Bo Didley? %% The common man doesn't suffer pain like this. %% NEW YORK (AP) -- Astronomers have discovered an asteroid flying through space that could crash into the Earth in 2022, The New York Times reported Tuesday. %% So long, and thanks for all the shoes. %% you have been smashed by a shambler %% For all you sports weekend warriors---see the unfortunate possible side effects of your activities. The injury below was caused by a soccer move made while coaching. Fantastic Voyage II--The orthoscopic journey through Charlie's knee. This video includes graphic images of surgery (no blood) to trim a torn meniscus from the inside, so be forewarned. The synovial fluid could make you seasick. Large conference room at 12:10 pm. About 15 minutes long. %% I was a young boy who had big plans Now I'm just another shitty old man I don't have fun and I hate everything The world owes me so fuck you. %% It's funny how nothing seems much fun anymore to me now that I quit the drink cause soberness, it might be what I need, but it's certainly not how I wanna be. %% mmmmmmmmmmm.......... NOFX...... %% mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. a kid'll eat ivy too. wouldn't you? %% The world has changed as we know it. Viva Warcraft III!!! %% Comliment Suspiciosly Vague ST. CHARLES, MO --According to area secretary Iris Sheehan, co-worker Ellen Higgins' compliment of her new hairstyle was suspiciously vague. "I asked Ellen how she liked my new 'do, and she said it was 'really something.' What the heck does that mean?" Sheehan said. "When I asked her to explain, she said 'it just suits you really well.'" Sheehan said she has not been this upset over a vague compliment since May 1999, when a friend described her singing voice as "very energetic." %% "Just because the Swiffer and the other 35 new products I've bought over the past three months haven't filled the void, that doesn't mean the next product won't be the one," said Minneapolis homemaker Ellen Bender. "I just ordered the new HyperVac Advanced CyberCarpet CleanWare System, and I just can't wait until it arrives and completely transforms my flat, unsatisfying life." %% (Idle lawyers tend to become politicians, so there is a certain social value in keeping lawyers busy.) %% Rumor has it that, when they shut down the IBM 7094 at MIT in 1973, they found a low-priority process that had been submitted in 1967 and had not yet been run. %% I'm supposed to use Lotus Notes, but I use MH instead. why? because MH doesn't crash. * mrw hi-fives Arun %% it's not as much fun listening to Simon & Garfunkel with only one ear on the headphone especially when it's the Simon side. %% I hate March. It's hard for me to tell if I'm in love or just have the flu. %% > Nils Oberg writes: > > On Fri, 3 Mar 2000, Arun Bhalla wrote: > > > Are you any relation to Kevin Oberg? > > > > Yep. He's me dad. %% echo `rumor`: Film at 11. %% Remember it takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 4 to extend your middle finger. %% So, you have to make a schedule. This is something almost no programmer wants to do. In my experience, the vast majority just try to get away with not making a schedule at all. Of the few that make a schedule, most are only doing it because their boss made them do it, halfheartedly, and nobody actually believes the schedule except for upper management, which simultaneously believes that "no software project is ever on time" and in the existence of UFOs. %% --- pollux.imsa.edu ping statistics --- 50042 packets transmitted, 40560 packets received, 18% packet loss round-trip min/avg/max = 41.6/3549.4/9771092.1 ms %% simon:abhalla<~>666:addrumor %% "You can take this job and re-staff it!!!" %% This channel is like talking to people who've been snow crashed. %% speaking of which, h2o-nwisw2 is dead ! which means that national NWIS-W is dead in the water right now HAR HAR HAR %% So it turns out that there wasn't just a power outage, one of the electrical panels CAUGHT FIRE and the AIR CONDITIONING CUT OUT TOO %% tha freekee gangstah is in space researching the view of "tha phunkee muthah" so this is the inevitable dj sux with an update. %% commercials and corporateness shorten your life & weaken your heart- =:) %% WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. %%