"Imsosure I just parsed that as 'Intervizes on a crontab'." - Chris %% I'm not paying for that dust. %% There's nothing on top of the fridge. %% Abidemi will be replacing Keith as SNSA. %% "Don't try to be a hero with qi." - Joanna %% "Hydroelectric power. Damn." - Joanna %% "German food...it's the wurst." - Joanna %% "No. Sprintlink is run by $&(*ing route Nazis and is perhaps the epitome of unholy bastard corporatization of the Internet." - sds %% cosmos# hose damacus bash %% Vader: This is a goddamn ice cream. Mathrulz: Goddamnit Vader, stop cussing. %% "Goddamnit, This ice cream is cold." - Geoff %% "And it's titan or Titan; *never* TITAN. It's not an acronym, and it's not a NetWare box. If you ever pronounce it as TITAN, prefix a 'THE' as in; THE TITAN is going down for THE MAINTENENCE!!" - Don Schmidt %% "Mathrulz, you little commie." - Jon Prykop %% Mjor15hi %% igtran10 %% Mind the gap. %% You give great gcc. %% "Mein Onkel ist dick, und meine Tante ist schlong." - kjw %% alias msword='cat | latex | dvips -f | lpr' %% "[ksh] is like sh on drugs." - Chris %% Will you have X with me? %% m4, it's a regular aphrodesiac! %% Q: What is your native language? A: regexp %% -- The Server Cluster is Provided by Computing and Network Services -- For assistance, see figure one. _ { } | | | | .-.! !.-. .-! ! ! !.-. ! ! ! ; \ ; \ ; ! : ! | | | Figure 1. %% 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr rumor: Segmentation fault -- Core dumped %% "What's wrong with kinky butt sex?" - Doug %% "It was like an orangutan doing a stream of consciousness exercise." - cs %% i need to find the manual so i can get X working so i can download a pdf viewer so i can read a document on *edited* AMD so i can install my damn processor right, so i can get my computer working %% "You can just see all these beavers walking up and down the creek going 'Dam it. Dam it. Dam it.'" - cs %% "So Nami figured any school that had beavers committing acts of terrorism on campus was her kind of school." - cs %% Yes, I am. It just struck me as very Unixboy-ish. Unixboy is us-ish. We ARE the law. * mrw throws taco sauce at netscan %% Dr. Skinner: I've always wanted to look like Mad Max. Chris: Well, you certainly do now. Dr. Skinner: Nah. They won't let me bring my sawed-off shotgun to school. %% Dammit; Greg, have you any idea where the SparcWorks compiler is on java? Or mocha? Or something? hah the compiler? i think you misspelled "gcc" %% Keith: I am near Chicago. Do you use a neural network? If so, does it have backpropagation? Furbie: kah mee-mee noo-loo (Me very happy) %% And lo, Ugh looked upon the network problems and said "Ugh. Bad. There's something going on with the net connection -- I wonder if it's those ICMP jockeys with their pingfloods again." And lo, man became vicious and mean. %% "You bought AOL stock? That's like buying acreage in Hell, Cobb." "Whore." "I needed the money to buy my nephew one of those stupid Furby things!" %% Chris owns you! %% * netscan gives up on the Web and goes to live in a cave. %% We need sleep! %% Chris Tessone: Integral Fairy %% Chris owns your integrals! %% this whole microsoft word turning *major* into major on my behalf is PISSING ME OFF. * Ch1XenZz hands ms-word a ':)' Hey, M$ w0rd is 'l33t!$#%@#! %% first teachers are NOT a source of constructive comments second nobody else is either %% Jared works now.... but at the DCL where he can web putz I work at FermiLab, where I can AppleScript putz! %% I have "Inspector Gadget" stuck in my head. doo doo doo do do do do do doododoo whoo hooo you forgot a "doo doo" before the "whoo hoo" oops. %% minnesota is not part of the US. try and stay with us, Chris. %% I just felt a strange disturbance in the Midwest accent, as if millions of voices cried out "y'all" and were suddenly silenced. %% We should put on a Perl Play perl -e 'love and war;' Starring Greg Fast as Prince Anatolij localtimeovich and Chris Tessone as Young Count splitevskij %% * netscan writes Perl comments in Russian: $.25 %% Tony Stuckey scares me: $.25. net: Don't you know, though? He's friendly, not scary. TA: Yes, but he's talking about implementing quotas on shared volumes on AppleShare using AppleScript and Folder Actions. OK, I'm scared. %% It appears to be the only remotely homy and comforting consumable in my possession, so I think I shall, as the Russians say, consider him mine enemy and utterly consume him. Assuming, of course, that the noun for "cup of chicken broth" is masculine. %% Tip: When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper's rifle... %% In the future everyone gets Geoff and not Shakespeare. %% I'm SWAPPING more than I'm CYCLING! Pass the MMX TECHNOLOGY! %% i really like javadoc, too * mrw86 hands Kolb Emacs, Perl, mySQL, and some Penguin peppermints I know there is good in you, Michael. %% We, the network administrators of this company, are watching you. All of your actions are monitored, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Do not try to adjust your computer screen --- we control all. Prepare for the thought police; they will arrive soon. Thoughtcrime is a serious matter. %% 8-ball: "Outlook not so good." Trimble: "Sure, but Microsoft still ships it." %% "So I figured, I'm the best programmer since Jesus, shouldn't be too hard." - Linus Torvalds %% * mrw ponders life * mrw ponders the universe * netscan ponders bacon %% "When the going gets tough, the tough get horizontal." - cs %% "Now I'm in an endless philosophizing loop! control-C! control-C!" - pancakes %% gene: if emacs is a religion with the editor as its god, what does that make rms? ben: the guy who hired god. %% ARE YOU HAPPY? THE COMPUTER WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY. IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, THE COMPUTER WILL USE YOU FOR REACTOR SHIELDING. %% now you're finding out why I hate commercial software. This isn't commercial software. THIS IS SHIT THAT FELL OUT OF SOMEONE'S ASS IN THE FORM OF WINDOWS DLLS. %% "Y'all're fucked up." -Chris %% "I love libertarians. They always help me find books." -gdf %% Gene: (To Tim) Don't you think Chris is a bumpkin? Chris: He's going to say yes just to be an ass. Tim: Yes. %% figured i'd make sure everyone loves computers as much as i do this week by the way, i'm going to give up machines and become an amish farmer. and then i'm gonna start a web site and theme park %% * Ch1XenZz eval { $zach = eval { $keith / 0; }}; %% wow, this software makes a lot more sense when it's decompiled it's not any better but it makes more sense I would add that a rumor. EXCEPT MY MOUSE SUCKS. %% "I was TRYING to FLAME the PHILISTINE. Some people . . ." - kkimit %% minizappa: leave #cronus you don't have the channel flag shut up. :-) *** Signoff: minizappa (Read error: 0 (Error 0 occurred.)) %% Your entry has been integrated. You must feel saucy. %% Besides which, I didn't write the infobot. It's Kevin Lenzo's, which has been around forever. I just wrote the Slashdot module. where did Kevin Lenzo get his high school degree? No clue. Why? I was just wondering if someone needed...a mexican condiment of some kind... %% * netscan smacks mrw oh...so it will be saucy on channel this afternoon It's more fun that way. You want liquid soul? YOU CAN'T HANDLE LIQUID SOUL! %% a quantum singularity near the surface of the earth wouldn't destroy it Well, that's a load off my mind! it'd FUCK A LOT OF SHIT UP, yes, but the earth itself wouldn't be destroyed %% The next hours and twenty minutes of slacking off are brought to you by the letters F, U, C, K, T, H, A, and T. %% INSTALL FASTER, BITCH * meekay kicks Install from the Web Mike, you're _always_ stressed out. You should try Prozac. Valium. And I like stress. %% *** Lonny (MURPH@cs2877-140.austin.rr.com) has joined channel #groogroo MEEKAY DON"T NEED NO STEENKIN PROZAC! *** Signoff: Lonny (Leaving) * meekay falls over giggling That was ... amusing, if slightly epileptic. %% * netscan eval { undef $tango }; %% Here, let me sum up the last thirty-odd responses in this string: Cats rock! Cats suck ass. Dogs rock! Dogs suck ass. Cats rock! Go argue about emacs vs. vi or something. Christ. %% alias eudora='dd if=/var/spool/mail/`whoami` of=`tty`' %% gdf writes a script that nearly kills afri: $0.25. %% Message from gene@coke.imsa.edu, class d00dz instance PERSONAL 12:39:01 who wants to start a Chris Tessone tribute band? we can call it: the Smashing Bumpkins EoM %% vixen.uiuc.edu %% no, by trying to determine what this function written in German COBOL does EINS ZU COBOL ADDEN %% "how ironical" you remind me of Gel! %% Message from ???@pollux.imsa.edu on pts/25 at 10:09 ... you know, this system sucks. EOF %% chris, while I can sympathize with your frustration -- understand that the entire reason IRC exists is so we can whine to people who can't immediately beat us over the head for being annoying as fuck. %% Broadcast Message from tessone@jolt (/dev/ttyp4) at 10:57 ... I hate computers! Thank you. %% screen 3.9 has braille support! "You can no longer see your bell." "You can no longer see!" %% LDAP is dead. -- God God is dead. -- LDAP %% DNS is dead. -- Chris Chris is dead. -- DNS %% jolt:~% damn you! zsh: command not found: damn %% In the future, all internet services are CNS. %% In the future, all server clusters are TNG. %% "Sure, I was a little pissed when I came to work this morning and I couldn't log in. But I coped and moved on. Perhaps you and the rest of the people complaining on =cns.forum should go form a support group." - tam %% #cronus has been integrated into the IMSA consciousness You are no longer allowed individual thoughts, Stacy. Sorry. :-) %% GOD DAMN THE FUCKING STUPID SHAGGING NO GOOD ROTTEN UNGRATEFUL SHAGGING USERS! * netscan stops venting and detaches screen. %% * netscan goes back to "fixing" track.cgi. rm -rf /web; logout Whoops. Wrong terminal. :-) %% du -ks 848343 . Holy shnikes. %% Internal Server Errors do not concern me Apache! I want that web page! %% In the words of Dr. Kiely, "You children are twisted." or, in the words of Chris: "Y'all are fucked up." %% "inside pockets"? like, on jackets THEY RULE *** Signoff: meekay (Connection reset by peer) obviously, the internet disagrees. %% A hollow voice says, "Fool." clarash has logged on pts/51 from d0nt25. :-) (0/14:10) %% umount /home/tessone :-} (0/17:14) umount: /home/tessone is not in the fstab (and you are not root) %% I'm confused then. It just sits there till I hit Ctrl+D, then it doesn't change the subject. netscan: sounds like a bad date %% "I was TALKING to the NUMBERS." -Sarah Tezak %% "If I shimmy again my chest will be one big blur." - lbh %% "Friends, Russians, lend me your M16s!" -Chris %% "I did some roommates..." -Lance %% Und ve vill gazzer togezzer all ze ownahs of SUVs, und ve vill put zem in camps, und ve vill put zem in ze little pajamas vith ze black und vite shtripes, und zen, ve vill inject zem vith ze anthrax, und zen, zey vill all be DEAD. %% There once was a mathematician, Who for interested students was fishin'. But his problems were dull And his classes alull, And for pillows and beds they were wishin'. %% *** Evil-mrw has been kicked off channel #groogroo by meekay (euthanasia) %% CALC-BASED WILL EAT YOUR SOUL. * netscan goes to bed. %% "Where's God?" "He's up in the booth, and he's *pissed*. Pick up the pace!" %% finger | grep clarash :-) (0/14:08) clarash I LOVE MODEL UN /82 Jan 26 11:11 (nebula.cemm.uic.edu) %% az: There is only one direction, and time is its only measure. tessone: Bummer, dude. %% My God, I'm depressed! Here I am, a computer with a mind a thousand times as powerful as yours, doing nothing but cranking out fortunes and sending mail about softball games. And I've got this pain right through my ALU. I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens. I think it would be better for us both if you were to just log out again. %% Message from az@pollux on pts/54 at 18:44 ... Well, people call me an 313317157. i want to live up to the name... EOF %% Message from az@pollux on pts/24 at 12:09 ... What is 'warez'? EOF %% * netscan is back. * mrw is black * TanAdept is mostly black * Arun is not black * netscan has crack. * mrw smokes crank %% What kernel should I run? Debian gave me 2.2.15. OBSD 2.7's is pretty nice EE: :-P Sorry, I had to say it in his absence ;) * netscan throws a cream pie with a Penguin mint on top at ErisE. Yay! :) * ErisE eats %% I will hug it and squeeze it and name it alotta-fagina. %% Silly Kostya. Go do some math. This is chemistry. Integrate[Integrate[Integrate[x*y*z,{z,0,x*y}],{y,x,x^2}],{x,Pi/2,Pi} ] Admirable, but is that going to lower the pH of Arun's gastric cavity? i think not! %% *** ZarfMouse has changed the topic on channel #groogroo to The Popsicle Wars %% yes, I was raised lutheran. it's just like being raised as an athiest, except you've got this God Dude and potlucks. oh, the potlucks. %% Message from az@pollux on pts/4 at 15:10 ... Not grape! Not pink! Not orange! Not ..um blue! No, none of these holds the secret to Your journey! Mario, Your princess is in another castle. EOF %% I'm the Dark Side, baby. meekay: You use qwerty; hush. <- dissed %% "I go now. I'll be back in a minute to push the fish for you." - clt %% So like, was there just an Austin vs SFBA argument? And I didn't yell, at least once, "WESSIDE!@@!%@!%"? %% * meekay pays his rent so they won't kick him out of his apartment * meekay pays swbell so they won't take away his DSL * meekay pays chase-manhattan so they won't take away his car * meekay pays the government so they won't take away his education %% /* Written 1:11 pm Jun 29, 2000 by jared@pollux.imsa.edu in pollux:beacon */ Why does councilor look so damn funny? Oh well. /* End of text from pollux:beacon */ Probably because you're spelling it wrong. %% you're fucking crazy okay, get a grip I am using what we call "humor" %% BOOYA I have restarted my name-grabbing process. * mrw hears the crowd chanting his name MRW! MRW! MRW! * netscan makes the "haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" massive crowd noise sound. %% * netscan looks proud. huh? Z2: I am the new mrw. %% pay no attention to the little mrw behind the netscan! I am netscan, the great and terrible netscan! okay, analogy joke dead. %% Getting laid is good. Getting off is good. Getting laid off is bad. Got it. %% uh oh, Angela has access to leibniz rumors in the future, everyone has access to leibniz rumors %% *** Signoff: TanAdept (Killed (SmooveB (very badly burnt))) %% * Ch1XenZz realizes some people on channel actually work at work Ch: Really? Wow. %% *** Signoff: |Stussy| (Ping timeout: no data for 251 seconds) %% *Ch1XenZz!gdf@underhill.imsa.edu* speaking of abuse of superuser privs... %% "How are i coming through?" - Angela %% az has logged on pts/21 from broad-173-050. az has logged on pts/51 from . 251. Coincidence? I think not. %% The path to Enlightenment is /usr/bin. %% but there is a certain beauty in the closed forms I suppose that's because, when I read crap, at least I can go "hey, they can count to 10." %% Message from lavina@pollux on pts/61 at 01:23 ... GAY. EOF Message from mzanon@pollux on pts/79 at 01:25 ... FUCK EOF %% Brokaw: This isn't funny, folks. We're talkin' about the Presidency of the United States. %% my $badedges; that's gonna get mispelled every time I use it. $badedges; $badedges; print "We don't need no stinking $badedges\n"; %% * mrw hands netscan a "jabroni", a "roody poo", and a "it doesn't matter" it's The Rock sentence construction kit! %% adduromr :-] (0/19:18) zsh: command not found: adduromr %% there are more ways to get fucked with this than being a casting director at a Miss Teen USA Qualifying Pageant %% It's all Brecht's fault. that's somehow deeply true %% in a perfect universe "TS Eliot" would be "toilets" backwards. %% "Mu-FASA!" "Oooh! Say it again!" "Mu-FASA!" %% and the first thing I see on IRC is Chris, one of the two religious people on a channel full of sex crazed lunatics, saying that he's playing guitar now. Prince and Chris are two things that NEVER go hand in hand. %% *** Camilla is now known as mrwjr *&^% I can't write this &$^% code. * mrwjr is away - stretching - ARM PAIN - - all messages will be logged. %% i've been integrated? Did You forget the +C? The Internet hates us. *** Camilla is now known as Internet %% Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, free John Gotti %% I used to know Dave Terrell, but then he moved. %% * netscan scares Angela while playing Scrabble: $0.25 * netscan scares her by becoming Tori: priceless %% Wed Dec 27 13:21:25 2000] [info] server seems busy, (you may need to increase StartServers, or Min/MaxSpareServers), spawning 16 children, there are 0 idle, and 95 total children *doubletake* NINETY FIVE CHILDREN? It's a Catholic process. %% Angela: Did You see the guy who fixed our car? His name was Jesus. Chris: He is our Savior. %% my $max = shift || 1000; # may be too small for some, but screw them :) %% "The answer to *very*few*problems* is to become Amish." - tsr %% Message from az@pollux on pts/20 at 12:27 ... ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO ME. EOF Message from az@pollux on pts/20 at 12:27 ... :) EOF %%